Serving alcohol at teen party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a high school senior, my parents allowed alcohol for a coed sleepover party I hosted.

The logic was that it would be better to allow it openly and supervise than for kids to be sneaking it in, and we thought it would be safe because no one would leave the house until the morning.

As it turned out, after my folks were asleep, part of the group drove to a nearby store get more alcohol because they didn't like what was being served. I of course didn't have the courage to stop them. They made it back safely and no one got hurt but it was a bad idea in retrospect. I would never even entertain it for my kids.

That said, I do think the 21 year old drinking age is the worst public policy. It gives booze a "forbidden fruit" vibe and high school and college kids end up participating or being around secretive, excess drinking that is partly driven by its illegality. If the legal age it was lowered to 18 the focus could be on drinking responsibly.

Except data shows raising the drinking age saved lives. The car crash data alone are compelling. Inconvenient, but true.

https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/minimum-legal-drinking-age.htm

The car crash and fatality data has been trending down sharply over time due to a great number of factors including highway and road safety measures, manufacturers safety initiatives, seat belt laws, etc. but cherry picking data is convenient

It's a CDC website. But if that's cherry picking data, ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a high school senior, my parents allowed alcohol for a coed sleepover party I hosted.

The logic was that it would be better to allow it openly and supervise than for kids to be sneaking it in, and we thought it would be safe because no one would leave the house until the morning.

As it turned out, after my folks were asleep, part of the group drove to a nearby store get more alcohol because they didn't like what was being served. I of course didn't have the courage to stop them. They made it back safely and no one got hurt but it was a bad idea in retrospect. I would never even entertain it for my kids.

That said, I do think the 21 year old drinking age is the worst public policy. It gives booze a "forbidden fruit" vibe and high school and college kids end up participating or being around secretive, excess drinking that is partly driven by its illegality. If the legal age it was lowered to 18 the focus could be on drinking responsibly.

Except data shows raising the drinking age saved lives. The car crash data alone are compelling. Inconvenient, but true.

https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/minimum-legal-drinking-age.htm

The car crash and fatality data has been trending down sharply over time due to a great number of factors including highway and road safety measures, manufacturers safety initiatives, seat belt laws, etc. but cherry picking data is convenient

It's a CDC website. But if that's cherry picking data, ok.

Are you always here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't "host" a party but my son and some kids (10) came over to our home after a football game. The next day I found empty beer and truly cans. Of course, I was upset but he said they brought them.

After Halloween, a different group of friends came over to hang out. I stayed up until midnight but felt asleep. I supplied snacks, soda and water but again, the next day I found cans of beer and trulys in the trash. A few kids spent the night.

These are all seniors and according to my kid, everyone does it. If not my house, someone else's home!

OP here. This was what we expected (even though the parents said they worry supervising). We didn’t expect them to supply alcohol (and it was a lot of alcohol too).

How can you allow your kids to attend these parties? You have a responsibility to your children to keep them safe. You are condoning their underage drinking by turning a blind eye. You think it is better that the kids supply their own alcohol rather than the parents? Don't you think this is equally as bad? You people disgust me.

So we expected the parents to supervise until they went to bed and that supervision meant no drinking. We expected teens to try and sneak alcohol, especially when parents went to bed (even tho they told us they would supervise all night). We did not expect the parents to supply a large quantity of alcohol.

We also talked to our child about our expectations and about all of the risks of drinking.

Why did you expect that teens would try to sneak alcohol and drink? And when you spoke with your child about your expectations, were those expectations that they would drink?

If so, I'm surprised that you convey that expectation to your child. I expect that my teens do not drink and make that expectation clear to them. A majority of teens do not drink. Studies show that we have far more influence than many parents believe.

"Parental expectations of adolescent alcohol use significantly moderated all structural relationships, and greater parental disapproval was associated with less involvement with friends and peers who use alcohol, less peer influence to use alcohol, greater self-efficacy for avoiding alcohol use, and lower subsequent alcohol use and related problems."

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15963903/

Establish your expectations and model responsible alcohol consumption, and your teens will follow suit. Expect that they will drink, and they will.

Look, I’m not the one who served alcohol. I thought my kid was going to a party that would be supervised. I didn’t know the parents so we called and asked. I was concerned that there might be drinking because I know that teens drink.

I’m really surprised that you are attacking my parenting.

Yes, and you wrote above that you expected that the kids would try to drink. Why did you expect that?

Not PP but are you that dumb? Why would any parent NOT expect or think that their older teen goes to a party and not try to sneak in a drink. OP said the parents at the party supplied the alcohol! Not uncommon!

Not common in my world. I bet you live in a W school catchment.

When my kids go to parties, I connect with the parents to verify they'll be home and I expect my kids not to drink because they are underage and it's illegal. And you know what? They don't!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't "host" a party but my son and some kids (10) came over to our home after a football game. The next day I found empty beer and truly cans. Of course, I was upset but he said they brought them.

After Halloween, a different group of friends came over to hang out. I stayed up until midnight but felt asleep. I supplied snacks, soda and water but again, the next day I found cans of beer and trulys in the trash. A few kids spent the night.

These are all seniors and according to my kid, everyone does it. If not my house, someone else's home!

OP here. This was what we expected (even though the parents said they worry supervising). We didn’t expect them to supply alcohol (and it was a lot of alcohol too).

How can you allow your kids to attend these parties? You have a responsibility to your children to keep them safe. You are condoning their underage drinking by turning a blind eye. You think it is better that the kids supply their own alcohol rather than the parents? Don't you think this is equally as bad? You people disgust me.

So we expected the parents to supervise until they went to bed and that supervision meant no drinking. We expected teens to try and sneak alcohol, especially when parents went to bed (even tho they told us they would supervise all night). We did not expect the parents to supply a large quantity of alcohol.

We also talked to our child about our expectations and about all of the risks of drinking.

Why did you expect that teens would try to sneak alcohol and drink? And when you spoke with your child about your expectations, were those expectations that they would drink?

If so, I'm surprised that you convey that expectation to your child. I expect that my teens do not drink and make that expectation clear to them. A majority of teens do not drink. Studies show that we have far more influence than many parents believe.

"Parental expectations of adolescent alcohol use significantly moderated all structural relationships, and greater parental disapproval was associated with less involvement with friends and peers who use alcohol, less peer influence to use alcohol, greater self-efficacy for avoiding alcohol use, and lower subsequent alcohol use and related problems."

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15963903/

Establish your expectations and model responsible alcohol consumption, and your teens will follow suit. Expect that they will drink, and they will.

Look, I’m not the one who served alcohol. I thought my kid was going to a party that would be supervised. I didn’t know the parents so we called and asked. I was concerned that there might be drinking because I know that teens drink.

I’m really surprised that you are attacking my parenting.

Yes, and you wrote above that you expected that the kids would try to drink. Why did you expect that?

Not PP but are you that dumb? Why would any parent NOT expect or think that their older teen goes to a party and not try to sneak in a drink. OP said the parents at the party supplied the alcohol! Not uncommon!

Not common in my world. I bet you live in a W school catchment.

When my kids go to parties, I connect with the parents to verify they'll be home and I expect my kids not to drink because they are underage and it's illegal. And you know what? They don't!

What is a W school catchment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't "host" a party but my son and some kids (10) came over to our home after a football game. The next day I found empty beer and truly cans. Of course, I was upset but he said they brought them.

After Halloween, a different group of friends came over to hang out. I stayed up until midnight but felt asleep. I supplied snacks, soda and water but again, the next day I found cans of beer and trulys in the trash. A few kids spent the night.

These are all seniors and according to my kid, everyone does it. If not my house, someone else's home!

OP here. This was what we expected (even though the parents said they worry supervising). We didn’t expect them to supply alcohol (and it was a lot of alcohol too).

How can you allow your kids to attend these parties? You have a responsibility to your children to keep them safe. You are condoning their underage drinking by turning a blind eye. You think it is better that the kids supply their own alcohol rather than the parents? Don't you think this is equally as bad? You people disgust me.

So we expected the parents to supervise until they went to bed and that supervision meant no drinking. We expected teens to try and sneak alcohol, especially when parents went to bed (even tho they told us they would supervise all night). We did not expect the parents to supply a large quantity of alcohol.

We also talked to our child about our expectations and about all of the risks of drinking.

Why did you expect that teens would try to sneak alcohol and drink? And when you spoke with your child about your expectations, were those expectations that they would drink?

If so, I'm surprised that you convey that expectation to your child. I expect that my teens do not drink and make that expectation clear to them. A majority of teens do not drink. Studies show that we have far more influence than many parents believe.

"Parental expectations of adolescent alcohol use significantly moderated all structural relationships, and greater parental disapproval was associated with less involvement with friends and peers who use alcohol, less peer influence to use alcohol, greater self-efficacy for avoiding alcohol use, and lower subsequent alcohol use and related problems."

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15963903/

Establish your expectations and model responsible alcohol consumption, and your teens will follow suit. Expect that they will drink, and they will.

Look, I’m not the one who served alcohol. I thought my kid was going to a party that would be supervised. I didn’t know the parents so we called and asked. I was concerned that there might be drinking because I know that teens drink.

I’m really surprised that you are attacking my parenting.

Yes, and you wrote above that you expected that the kids would try to drink. Why did you expect that?

Not PP but are you that dumb? Why would any parent NOT expect or think that their older teen goes to a party and not try to sneak in a drink. OP said the parents at the party supplied the alcohol! Not uncommon!

Not common in my world. I bet you live in a W school catchment.

When my kids go to parties, I connect with the parents to verify they'll be home and I expect my kids not to drink because they are underage and it's illegal. And you know what? They don't!

Ok, calm down Karen. LOL.

[Anonymous]

It's illegal and if they served my kid ever I would turn them in.

Actually even if my kid did not go and I knew I would call the police.

Too many kids die behind the wheel or they kill someone else.

My personal opinion you can go to war at 18 you can drink at 18 however that is not our law!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't "host" a party but my son and some kids (10) came over to our home after a football game. The next day I found empty beer and truly cans. Of course, I was upset but he said they brought them.

After Halloween, a different group of friends came over to hang out. I stayed up until midnight but felt asleep. I supplied snacks, soda and water but again, the next day I found cans of beer and trulys in the trash. A few kids spent the night.

These are all seniors and according to my kid, everyone does it. If not my house, someone else's home!

OP here. This was what we expected (even though the parents said they worry supervising). We didn’t expect them to supply alcohol (and it was a lot of alcohol too).

How can you allow your kids to attend these parties? You have a responsibility to your children to keep them safe. You are condoning their underage drinking by turning a blind eye. You think it is better that the kids supply their own alcohol rather than the parents? Don't you think this is equally as bad? You people disgust me.

So we expected the parents to supervise until they went to bed and that supervision meant no drinking. We expected teens to try and sneak alcohol, especially when parents went to bed (even tho they told us they would supervise all night). We did not expect the parents to supply a large quantity of alcohol.

We also talked to our child about our expectations and about all of the risks of drinking.

Why did you expect that teens would try to sneak alcohol and drink? And when you spoke with your child about your expectations, were those expectations that they would drink?

If so, I'm surprised that you convey that expectation to your child. I expect that my teens do not drink and make that expectation clear to them. A majority of teens do not drink. Studies show that we have far more influence than many parents believe.

"Parental expectations of adolescent alcohol use significantly moderated all structural relationships, and greater parental disapproval was associated with less involvement with friends and peers who use alcohol, less peer influence to use alcohol, greater self-efficacy for avoiding alcohol use, and lower subsequent alcohol use and related problems."

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15963903/

Establish your expectations and model responsible alcohol consumption, and your teens will follow suit. Expect that they will drink, and they will.

Look, I’m not the one who served alcohol. I thought my kid was going to a party that would be supervised. I didn’t know the parents so we called and asked. I was concerned that there might be drinking because I know that teens drink.

I’m really surprised that you are attacking my parenting.

Yes, and you wrote above that you expected that the kids would try to drink. Why did you expect that?

Not PP but are you that dumb? Why would any parent NOT expect or think that their older teen goes to a party and not try to sneak in a drink. OP said the parents at the party supplied the alcohol! Not uncommon!

Not common in my world. I bet you live in a W school catchment.

When my kids go to parties, I connect with the parents to verify they'll be home and I expect my kids not to drink because they are underage and it's illegal. And you know what? They don't!

DP. We are zoned to a W cluster school. I fall in the camp of "turn them in" posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't "host" a party but my son and some kids (10) came over to our home after a football game. The next day I found empty beer and truly cans. Of course, I was upset but he said they brought them.

After Halloween, a different group of friends came over to hang out. I stayed up until midnight but felt asleep. I supplied snacks, soda and water but again, the next day I found cans of beer and trulys in the trash. A few kids spent the night.

These are all seniors and according to my kid, everyone does it. If not my house, someone else's home!

Your kid sucks.

After the first violation, he shouldn't be having any more social events for a long time.

PP here. What sucks is those parents who have no idea what their kids are doing? Where are they getting the alcohol? Why are they allowed to spent the night out? Like I said, If not my house, someone else's home. I don't parent other people's kids, that's not my job.

Deflect much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't/wouldn't serve alcohol to teens. Ever.

I know many do it, and I disagree with the practice, even though I drink on a regular basis as an adult (responsibly).

Why do parents do this?

According to my BIL, they are going to do it anyways, so he wants to provide a safe place for them to drink, and to build tolerance before college.

This is the line of thinking you will hear. These people tell themselves if teens don't drink in high school they will get to college and go completely off the rails because they "don't know how to drink". It is the stupidest logic ever. Someone just said this to me last week. I said I didn't drink in high school and drank in college and was completely fine.

Is very dumb and illegal in VA at least to supply them the alcohol. You can give it to your own kids legally but not other people's kids. God forbid anything truly terrible happen too.

I do t think the logic is off..every person who ended up with alcohol poisoning, or blacked out drunk in the toilet or graduated up to hard drugs I knew in college had very strict parents who never allowed any drinking or staying out late. But I still wouldn't take the risk of giving it to other people's teens

That's nice, but actual studies done with large numbers of participants tell us otherwise. In other words, the theory doesn't hold up under scrutiny. It's just made-up.

I doubt that. Alcohol effects, limits, etc are a novel experience and like any other novel experience, there's a learning curve. I would not like for my child to figure out that curve at a frat party at 17 with no adults within reach but you do you.

Why is your child going to be in college at 17?

I figured out how to drink appropriately without my mommy there in college. It was fine.

Strange thing to pick out. I was 17 when I went to college. It's not weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cars are much more dangerous than alcohol. Yet I see everyone running out to buy their kids cars the moment they can drive.

This is not the case in DC or Montgomery County. The absolutely earliest you can be a licensed driver in Maryland is 16 1/2 years. I only know two kids who immediately started driving. Most wait until senior year, and many still have permits then. The high school buses here are full all year.

But that's a different thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't "host" a party but my son and some kids (10) came over to our home after a football game. The next day I found empty beer and truly cans. Of course, I was upset but he said they brought them.

After Halloween, a different group of friends came over to hang out. I stayed up until midnight but felt asleep. I supplied snacks, soda and water but again, the next day I found cans of beer and trulys in the trash. A few kids spent the night.

These are all seniors and according to my kid, everyone does it. If not my house, someone else's home!

OP here. This was what we expected (even though the parents said they worry supervising). We didn’t expect them to supply alcohol (and it was a lot of alcohol too).

How can you allow your kids to attend these parties? You have a responsibility to your children to keep them safe. You are condoning their underage drinking by turning a blind eye. You think it is better that the kids supply their own alcohol rather than the parents? Don't you think this is equally as bad? You people disgust me.

So we expected the parents to supervise until they went to bed and that supervision meant no drinking. We expected teens to try and sneak alcohol, especially when parents went to bed (even tho they told us they would supervise all night). We did not expect the parents to supply a large quantity of alcohol.

We also talked to our child about our expectations and about all of the risks of drinking.

Why did you expect that teens would try to sneak alcohol and drink? And when you spoke with your child about your expectations, were those expectations that they would drink?

If so, I'm surprised that you convey that expectation to your child. I expect that my teens do not drink and make that expectation clear to them. A majority of teens do not drink. Studies show that we have far more influence than many parents believe.

"Parental expectations of adolescent alcohol use significantly moderated all structural relationships, and greater parental disapproval was associated with less involvement with friends and peers who use alcohol, less peer influence to use alcohol, greater self-efficacy for avoiding alcohol use, and lower subsequent alcohol use and related problems."

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15963903/

Establish your expectations and model responsible alcohol consumption, and your teens will follow suit. Expect that they will drink, and they will.

Look, I’m not the one who served alcohol. I thought my kid was going to a party that would be supervised. I didn’t know the parents so we called and asked. I was concerned that there might be drinking because I know that teens drink.

I’m really surprised that you are attacking my parenting.

Yes, and you wrote above that you expected that the kids would try to drink. Why did you expect that?

Not PP but are you that dumb? Why would any parent NOT expect or think that their older teen goes to a party and not try to sneak in a drink. OP said the parents at the party supplied the alcohol! Not uncommon!

Not common in my world. I bet you live in a W school catchment.

When my kids go to parties, I connect with the parents to verify they'll be home and I expect my kids not to drink because they are underage and it's illegal. And you know what? They don't!

Do you have reading comprehension issues? The host parents were contacted and did not explain that they were buying alcohol and there would be heavy drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't "host" a party but my son and some kids (10) came over to our home after a football game. The next day I found empty beer and truly cans. Of course, I was upset but he said they brought them.

After Halloween, a different group of friends came over to hang out. I stayed up until midnight but felt asleep. I supplied snacks, soda and water but again, the next day I found cans of beer and trulys in the trash. A few kids spent the night.

These are all seniors and according to my kid, everyone does it. If not my house, someone else's home!

OP here. This was what we expected (even though the parents said they worry supervising). We didn’t expect them to supply alcohol (and it was a lot of alcohol too).

How can you allow your kids to attend these parties? You have a responsibility to your children to keep them safe. You are condoning their underage drinking by turning a blind eye. You think it is better that the kids supply their own alcohol rather than the parents? Don't you think this is equally as bad? You people disgust me.

So we expected the parents to supervise until they went to bed and that supervision meant no drinking. We expected teens to try and sneak alcohol, especially when parents went to bed (even tho they told us they would supervise all night). We did not expect the parents to supply a large quantity of alcohol.

We also talked to our child about our expectations and about all of the risks of drinking.

Why did you expect that teens would try to sneak alcohol and drink? And when you spoke with your child about your expectations, were those expectations that they would drink?

If so, I'm surprised that you convey that expectation to your child. I expect that my teens do not drink and make that expectation clear to them. A majority of teens do not drink. Studies show that we have far more influence than many parents believe.

"Parental expectations of adolescent alcohol use significantly moderated all structural relationships, and greater parental disapproval was associated with less involvement with friends and peers who use alcohol, less peer influence to use alcohol, greater self-efficacy for avoiding alcohol use, and lower subsequent alcohol use and related problems."

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15963903/

Establish your expectations and model responsible alcohol consumption, and your teens will follow suit. Expect that they will drink, and they will.

Look, I’m not the one who served alcohol. I thought my kid was going to a party that would be supervised. I didn’t know the parents so we called and asked. I was concerned that there might be drinking because I know that teens drink.

I’m really surprised that you are attacking my parenting.

Yes, and you wrote above that you expected that the kids would try to drink. Why did you expect that?

Not PP but are you that dumb? Why would any parent NOT expect or think that their older teen goes to a party and not try to sneak in a drink. OP said the parents at the party supplied the alcohol! Not uncommon!

Not common in my world. I bet you live in a W school catchment.

When my kids go to parties, I connect with the parents to verify they'll be home and I expect my kids not to drink because they are underage and it's illegal. And you know what? They don't!

DP. We are zoned to a W cluster school. I fall in the camp of "turn them in" posters

Honestly, how do you know that other parents aren’t supplying alcohol?

Also, you are so sanctimonious about your kids not drinking. I have two kids. The older one (in college) does not drink and never has. That kid hates the kind of parties where alcohol is served and also thinks alcohol is gross. The other kid is in high school and is definitely interested. It’s what the cool kids in their school are doing. It represents freedom, fun and being grown up. We have talked to this kid about alcohol much more than the older kid but that doesn’t prevent them from being interested.

You are like the people who are smug when their kid sleeps through the night or is a good napper. Your parenting didn’t cause that and your parenting didn’t create kids who aren’t interested in drinking or in attending parties where there is alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's illegal and if they served my kid ever I would turn them in.

Actually even if my kid did not go and I knew I would call the police.

Too many kids die behind the wheel or they kill someone else.

My personal opinion you can go to war at 18 you can drink at 18 however that is not our law!!

The police should be defunded

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

That said, I do think the 21 year old drinking age is the worst public policy. It gives booze a "forbidden fruit" vibe and high school and college kids end up participating or being around secretive, excess drinking that is partly driven by its illegality. If the legal age it was lowered to 18 the focus could be on drinking responsibly.

If it’s 18 then it’s too easy for high school seniors to supply alcohol to younger teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's illegal and if they served my kid ever I would turn them in.

Actually even if my kid did not go and I knew I would call the police.

Too many kids die behind the wheel or they kill someone else.

My personal opinion you can go to war at 18 you can drink at 18 however that is not our law!!

Your kid isn't going to any parties so you're having one of your drawn out anxiety riddled control freak outs over nothing. But. Since weed was just legalized in Maryland you should be more worried about the legal weed. I hear its a great escape from overbearing mothers..