How to hint sex drive in OLD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dude you’re already too old now for any man to want to start a family with you.

There are many 55-60 year old moms of high schoolers in my son’s school.. It’s not that uncommon for career oriented women to have kids in late 40s now. I can imagine that not all of them used a sperm bank. Not that only men can afford late birth thanks to advancement of medicine. In fact, biologically an older mother is not as bad for the baby health as older father. Women just no longer can get pregnant with their own eggs, but they can carry to full term safely up until 60 yo.

Having a child at 41 or 42 is very different than at 48.

How is it different, did you have a child at 48? I know at least 4 women who had kids after age 45. All tell me it’s the best decision they’ve made. One is a highly paid MD (adopted a black girl with mild autism at 47), another adopted at 51 an Indian girl with some tribal rights over the child (after a 20 years childless marriage); a third got accidentally knocked up at 44 and retained 50% custody of her son in a bitter battle with a powerful dad; #4 had twins at 48 (divorced much older dad at 60 but they are on very good terms he continues residing in her house helping with kids while she dates her boyfriend in London). Again, all women are extremely grateful for their kids; they were well off when the kids “arrived” and all of them are thriving. Kids with developmental delays are now excelling at school; athletic sports and music. Moms are now in their 60s but look way younger and have husbands or boyfriends their age.

I'm figuring that's you again, OP. It fits your pattern of coming back to argue and keep adding anecdotes about privileged women to support how right you feel you are. Save the time you're spending typing out these posts and either get on with finding your sperm donor (because, you're not likely to get that baby AND a relationship though you will insist you'll have both). You are so deeply invested in the image of perfection that you've created around older motherhood that there's no swaying you here, so I'm not sure why you keep coming back to defend your position, other than to make yourself feel superior to everyone here. Go forth, climb Everest, raft the Nile, procreate, whatever.
.

Yes you haven't said anything of a substance beside personal attacks. I get it you are irritated by wealthier women who are easy with a "privilege" of having a nanny. My grandmother had a nanny in 1958, while she worked full time. She was not particular wealthy or privileged.

Actually I'm a PP who posted advice and things for OP to consider much earlier in the thread, before many of us here realized she's only posting to convince herself how she can have everything, so you're wrong about my not posting anything of substance.

I'm glad your grandmother had a nanny in 1958. OP wants one to do the work with her (fantasy) kid so OP can go have adventures and travel with fantasy husband. Bettiing your grandmother didn't have a nanny for that reason. The loathing for OP in the posts on this thread are not about the nanny per se, but if you don't see that, well, you have company; neither does OP.

By the way, hi, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re insane to want another baby.

I am 41 and have a toddler. Parenthood has made me an anxious, depressed mess. I would love the freedom and free time to travel with friends, go hiking & skiing, go out to dinner, etc. Instead, we are chained to our home all the time trying to deal with a needy, stubborn, and high energy toddler. I mourn for my old life.

Do all the stuff you listed, but skip the baby. That’s just irrational hormones talking. You’ll be a generation older than the parents in your new baby’s classes.

OP here: I am a very young (on average 10 years younger) mom comparing to other moms at my son's school. Not sure why being 10 years older than other moms should scare me off. Why men are "allowed" to have kids with younger women in their 50-60s but it's not ok for a woman? Do they actually have higher energy to be equal parent, or just go along the tide with younger partners who want kids?

I am still feeling broody, sexual and want to get pregnant. I feel the same in early 40s as in my late 30s and my desire to have a second child didn't disappear out of a sudden just because I got couple years older. With so much more free time in my hands now I feel that late 40s would be a way better timing to have a second child vs my "surprise" pregnancy in 20s which got me stuck in marriage for 18 long years.

Childbirth is not a catastrophe or end of life: I do believe having kids is fun, in all ages. I love doing stuff with toddlers, mid and high schoolers. All ages are interesting. You can travel with toddlers: of course it would be impossible to do no rope rock climbing but you can do many other fun things. I would take an au-pair or living-in nanny on my trips, we did it with our son when he was a toddler and it worked out just fine. He also was cranky locked at home but loved travel, new places and being entertained. Boys are attention-challenged and need change of scenery, sports and activities to keep them busy and happy.

I truly consider children as the only valuable thing you leave after yourself on earth: nobody would ever remember your career, or a nice house or how nice of a person you had been beside your kids and grandkids.

This may be the grossest sentence I have ever read on DCUM. Please keep this ish to yourself, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dude you’re already too old now for any man to want to start a family with you.

There are many 55-60 year old moms of high schoolers in my son’s school.. It’s not that uncommon for career oriented women to have kids in late 40s now. I can imagine that not all of them used a sperm bank. Not that only men can afford late birth thanks to advancement of medicine. In fact, biologically an older mother is not as bad for the baby health as older father. Women just no longer can get pregnant with their own eggs, but they can carry to full term safely up until 60 yo.

Having a child at 41 or 42 is very different than at 48.

How is it different, did you have a child at 48? I know at least 4 women who had kids after age 45. All tell me it’s the best decision they’ve made. One is a highly paid MD (adopted a black girl with mild autism at 47), another adopted at 51 an Indian girl with some tribal rights over the child (after a 20 years childless marriage); a third got accidentally knocked up at 44 and retained 50% custody of her son in a bitter battle with a powerful dad; #4 had twins at 48 (divorced much older dad at 60 but they are on very good terms he continues residing in her house helping with kids while she dates her boyfriend in London). Again, all women are extremely grateful for their kids; they were well off when the kids “arrived” and all of them are thriving. Kids with developmental delays are now excelling at school; athletic sports and music. Moms are now in their 60s but look way younger and have husbands or boyfriends their age.

WHY are you posting their races? What is WRONG with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dude you’re already too old now for any man to want to start a family with you.

There are many 55-60 year old moms of high schoolers in my son’s school.. It’s not that uncommon for career oriented women to have kids in late 40s now. I can imagine that not all of them used a sperm bank. Not that only men can afford late birth thanks to advancement of medicine. In fact, biologically an older mother is not as bad for the baby health as older father. Women just no longer can get pregnant with their own eggs, but they can carry to full term safely up until 60 yo.

Having a child at 41 or 42 is very different than at 48.

How is it different, did you have a child at 48? I know at least 4 women who had kids after age 45. All tell me it’s the best decision they’ve made. One is a highly paid MD (adopted a black girl with mild autism at 47), another adopted at 51 an Indian girl with some tribal rights over the child (after a 20 years childless marriage); a third got accidentally knocked up at 44 and retained 50% custody of her son in a bitter battle with a powerful dad; #4 had twins at 48 (divorced much older dad at 60 but they are on very good terms he continues residing in her house helping with kids while she dates her boyfriend in London). Again, all women are extremely grateful for their kids; they were well off when the kids “arrived” and all of them are thriving. Kids with developmental delays are now excelling at school; athletic sports and music. Moms are now in their 60s but look way younger and have husbands or boyfriends their age.

The thought of this particular OP adopting a non-white child is absolutely horrifying.

+1

So is the thought of her adopting (or having) a child with developmental delays or any other issues rendering the child imperfect to her. Note how she insists that "Kids with developmental dealys are now excelling at school, athletic sports and music." Can that happen? Of course. But is OP oblivious to the work and emotional toll involved for the entire family and support system as well as the child? Yes.

OP be like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t know as soon as a man turned 50 he was feeble. Someone needs to tell those 50+ hikers, mountain climbers, white water kayakers, etc. that they’re too old…

Look. Women in their 70’s, like OP’s mom, can be active. Men tend to poop out at 51.

My wife and I were both running marathons and backpacking to the bototm of the Grand Canyon when we met. We're both in our 50's now.

I work out every day and am going on a hiking trip with my brother next month and weigh about the same as we did when we met.

She has gained 50 pounds and can't keep up with my physical activity.

Don't give me this men poop out at 51 and women are active at 70 crap. That hasn't been the case in my relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dude you’re already too old now for any man to want to start a family with you.

There are many 55-60 year old moms of high schoolers in my son’s school.. It’s not that uncommon for career oriented women to have kids in late 40s now. I can imagine that not all of them used a sperm bank. Not that only men can afford late birth thanks to advancement of medicine. In fact, biologically an older mother is not as bad for the baby health as older father. Women just no longer can get pregnant with their own eggs, but they can carry to full term safely up until 60 yo.

Having a child at 41 or 42 is very different than at 48.

How is it different, did you have a child at 48? I know at least 4 women who had kids after age 45. All tell me it’s the best decision they’ve made. One is a highly paid MD (adopted a black girl with mild autism at 47), another adopted at 51 an Indian girl with some tribal rights over the child (after a 20 years childless marriage); a third got accidentally knocked up at 44 and retained 50% custody of her son in a bitter battle with a powerful dad; #4 had twins at 48 (divorced much older dad at 60 but they are on very good terms he continues residing in her house helping with kids while she dates her boyfriend in London). Again, all women are extremely grateful for their kids; they were well off when the kids “arrived” and all of them are thriving. Kids with developmental delays are now excelling at school; athletic sports and music. Moms are now in their 60s but look way younger and have husbands or boyfriends their age.

WHY are you posting their races? What is WRONG with you?

Because she's Eastern European and doesn't understand our cultural mores. Not that she'll read this and process it though.

[Anonymous]

Are you having a manic episode? Or is this normal for you?

[Anonymous]

OP here: you really put in more meaning into mentioning race: it was purposes to say that women went all the way to adopt in late 40s and excelled as mothers. And yes, my grandma traveled with her nannies; it wasn’t even particular expensive back then. She always looked and dressed nicely, watched her weight and used makeup even at home. Women let themselves go because they get swamped performing functions at home that can be easily delegated. Kids will not even remember it ever appreciate this endless driving, pick ups and drop offs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a divorced early 40s woman. My exH was 14 years older and I feel like I wasted the prime 18 years of my life on being with someone with a very different drive. He was very successful, rich and all but cold, full of himself and distant as a person. I was never satisfied sexually ( he wasn’t giving); I wanted to dance at jazz clubs, explore European cities, go rafting and hiking. All he would respond “I am busy” and our vacations and holidays were spend mostly us visiting his much older executive friends. Discussing business, properties, wines and politics. I loathe that.

I live my life very actively after divorce: do mountain climbing, kayaking, rafting, work out every other day, travel internationally. I feel like my way of life requires a very active and driven person. I would love to share my interests with someone similar but I feel like it would be hard to fit a divorced man in my crazy lifestyle. He would have young kids and obligations. Or it would be a 50+ man, too old to have same athletic abilities, energy etc. I am sending my only child to college in 2 years being almost an empty nester. We travel with my (very athletic) son and my elderly mother so it feels like almost a full family except I no longer have a husband. She’s 70 but can easily pull off a black diamond hike. It almost feels like I regained my own self and my life after years of being subjugated and doing what I was said to do as a “trophy” wife.

Ideally I would love to remarry, spend a few years discovering the world and then have another child in my late 40s. I have an insane amount of energy and still develop my career. I don’t feel like a “retired” lifestyle of an older man or a divorced man with young kids would be an option for me. I am also starved for sex and dream of someone with high libido for daily sex and giving in bed. The best time I had sexually is right after giving birth when I had huge breasts and it felt super sensual.

Am I crazy or is it all normal ? What would I put on my dating profile , shall I look for a younger never married man ? Do I have chances of meeting one ? I am very good looking and thin but I am concerned about attracting only those who look for sex and commitment phobic men.

The apps are filled with men who love to brag about being active, and post photos of themselves hiking, biking, etc. The apps are also filled with men who want to have a lot of sex. Plenty of men in their 40s have older kids. Whether you can find all this in one man who wants to get re-married and then start another family after everyone is out of the house is debatable.

[Anonymous]

I became a grandmother in my late 40s. Why would you want to have a child at that age? So selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why men are "allowed" to have kids with younger women in their 50-60s but it's not ok for a woman?

This is a very dumb idea for those older men AND the younger women even if it’s “allowed”.

President Tyler's (1841-1845) grandson is still alive.

99% of people commenting here are locked in stereotypes that women have hot flashes in late 40s that don't allow them to raise kids successfully. This is indeed very strange for the US in particular. There are many way poorer countries where women are basically "babysitters" for their own grandkids in late 40-50s and they do the lion's share of the household responsibilities. I was brought up by my grandmother while my mother worked (they divorced with my dad when I was only 1 y.o.). My grandmother took a role of a "SAHM" whereby my mother was at work 7am-9pm making money. Maybe this is why I don't see child rearing in late 40s so disastrous.
Also, many threads on this forum are related to lack of financial resources, career challenges related to child birth, men not happy when women stay at home or other way around, alimony, child support etc. When you already accumulated certain assets and achieved certain income level by your 40s, all these issues are easy to resolve. I do feel I would bring way more to the table to a man who wants a real family in my 40s vs what I can bring in my 20-30 y.o. self.

These are all theoretical questions, but I am indeed bothered how lopsided the society is in relation to older mothers. It's almost like everyone is telling you: time to enjoy your life, kayaking, hiking and dating. Kids will take all the enjoyment from you.

But I just don't feel that way, as having my first child was a very enjoyable experience and enriched my life immensely. All these kayaking groups and dating won't bring me a long term sustainable feeling of fulfillment and family stability.

My grandmother was telling that people live as long as others still need them on Earth.

Well, she is wrong. What about all those widows and fatherless children left behind? Ugh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why men are "allowed" to have kids with younger women in their 50-60s but it's not ok for a woman?

This is a very dumb idea for those older men AND the younger women even if it’s “allowed”.

President Tyler's (1841-1845) grandson is still alive.

99% of people commenting here are locked in stereotypes that women have hot flashes in late 40s that don't allow them to raise kids successfully. This is indeed very strange for the US in particular. There are many way poorer countries where women are basically "babysitters" for their own grandkids in late 40-50s and they do the lion's share of the household responsibilities. I was brought up by my grandmother while my mother worked (they divorced with my dad when I was only 1 y.o.). My grandmother took a role of a "SAHM" whereby my mother was at work 7am-9pm making money. Maybe this is why I don't see child rearing in late 40s so disastrous.
Also, many threads on this forum are related to lack of financial resources, career challenges related to child birth, men not happy when women stay at home or other way around, alimony, child support etc. When you already accumulated certain assets and achieved certain income level by your 40s, all these issues are easy to resolve. I do feel I would bring way more to the table to a man who wants a real family in my 40s vs what I can bring in my 20-30 y.o. self.

These are all theoretical questions, but I am indeed bothered how lopsided the society is in relation to older mothers. It's almost like everyone is telling you: time to enjoy your life, kayaking, hiking and dating. Kids will take all the enjoyment from you.

But I just don't feel that way, as having my first child was a very enjoyable experience and enriched my life immensely. All these kayaking groups and dating won't bring me a long term sustainable feeling of fulfillment and family stability.

My grandmother was telling that people live as long as others still need them on Earth.

Well, she is wrong. What about all those widows and fatherless children left behind? Ugh

I can understand why it’s a poor decision to have children in mid 50-60 for a man, because of the shorter life expectancy. But a woman in mid-late 40s has good chances of supporting her child until age 30 at least. Most people are employed and even have own family by late 20s. I don’t think my child would think I was selfish to gift him/her life or adopt at my funeral. This is very giving in my view to adopt or foster kids when you have economic opportunity and time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dude you’re already too old now for any man to want to start a family with you.

There are many 55-60 year old moms of high schoolers in my son’s school.. It’s not that uncommon for career oriented women to have kids in late 40s now. I can imagine that not all of them used a sperm bank. Not that only men can afford late birth thanks to advancement of medicine. In fact, biologically an older mother is not as bad for the baby health as older father. Women just no longer can get pregnant with their own eggs, but they can carry to full term safely up until 60 yo.

Having a child at 41 or 42 is very different than at 48.

How is it different, did you have a child at 48? I know at least 4 women who had kids after age 45. All tell me it’s the best decision they’ve made. One is a highly paid MD (adopted a black girl with mild autism at 47), another adopted at 51 an Indian girl with some tribal rights over the child (after a 20 years childless marriage); a third got accidentally knocked up at 44 and retained 50% custody of her son in a bitter battle with a powerful dad; #4 had twins at 48 (divorced much older dad at 60 but they are on very good terms he continues residing in her house helping with kids while she dates her boyfriend in London). Again, all women are extremely grateful for their kids; they were well off when the kids “arrived” and all of them are thriving. Kids with developmental delays are now excelling at school; athletic sports and music. Moms are now in their 60s but look way younger and have husbands or boyfriends their age.

WHY are you posting their races? What is WRONG with you?

Because they have a white savior complex and have to scream it from the rooftops.

[Anonymous]

You’re likely best of settling for a 20s/30s guy who wouldn’t mind living off you, OP. That’s feasible.

The problem with your plan, OP, isn’t your desire for a baby. It’s that by 40s/50s, most men pursuing a relationship are better at recognizing and slowly backing away from the crazy. Once bitten, twice shy and all that. The younger ones probably haven’t figured that out yet.