PSA: when sending your kid with another parent to do an activity, please send more than $20.

[Anonymous]

This is why we stopped allowing our kid to go on day trips with a good friend's family. They spend SO MUCH money per trip that its just ridiculous and more than we budget for these events. Their HHI is approximately 3x ours.

When I host and the venue has snack bars, I say something along the lines of, "Kids can buy lunch and a snack while out, or just a snack... Or everyone can just bring their own. Do you have a preference? We're good either way." This leads to a discussion of approximate cost. And I prep my kid for the expectation the other parent and I have set. We have friends of all income levels so it just feels better this way. But I will foot the bill if I want ice cream or coffee while we're out, and our guest hasn't brought money along for a treat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for those who assume they are paying for the invited child, and also assume your invited child will be treated by the inviting family (both of which I agree with if the involved parties can afford it): if your child is treated, when they are dropped off do you ask the other parent how much you owe/offer to pay, or is it just assumed that the inviters pay?

In my social circle, something like an invitation to a water park or an amusement park would be a birthday present or a big deal anyway for the inviting child (I will take you and a friend out to the amusement park for your birthday). I would assume that I was treating since that’s the present. We don’t really go on $100-$200 outings on a regular Wednesday afternoon.

This forum is so odd. Sometimes I feel like I am looking down from the balcony with my monocle. Really, you have two busy professionals, and you can’t afford to pay a housekeeper?
And sometimes people throw money at things that I would never think to spend money on. Like wardrobes for preschoolers or making sure their elementary schoolers always bring $40 of pocket money.

[Anonymous]

We never take any money from the other parent/child. I assume it all just work itself out when our kids are invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for those who assume they are paying for the invited child, and also assume your invited child will be treated by the inviting family (both of which I agree with if the involved parties can afford it): if your child is treated, when they are dropped off do you ask the other parent how much you owe/offer to pay, or is it just assumed that the inviters pay?

We always ask (to be polite) although we know the answer. The other parents do the same when we offer to take their children.

[Anonymous]

If you invite a guest, you pay for them.

If you are a parent in charge of an outing, it is good hosting manners to set out the expectations at the beginning. For example, I would tell the kids in the car on the way to the zoo “while we’re at the zoo, we’ll get lunch, but I won’t buy any treats or souvenirs. If we have time we’ll get froyo at the Sweet Frog outside the zoo.”

If your child is a guest, please teach them manners. When they are dining with another family, teach them to watch what other people order and order something similar. If everyone is ordering a sandwich and drinking from their water bottle, your kid should not order a lobster roll and a fresh squeezed lemonade. Teach them to order foods they are familiar with so they don’t waste a meal or to take a small portion to try if they are at someone’s home. Instead of asking for expensive extras and add-ons, teach them to ask the host’s kid first to see if that’s something their family typically does.

We have one family in our neighborhood whose kids always come off as greedy and I don’t invite them places with us because it’s awkward. If I get out glow sticks to play with on a summer evening, each kid takes 1-2 to make a necklace or bracelets. The greedy kids take 15-20 to make a huge chain and use the whole container. When we have BD parties, they will ask me if I have extra goody bags - there is no sibling at home they are asking for. They will always ask for a 2nd cupcake or piece of cake. If my kid gets popsicles and hands then out to his friends, these kids will always ask for more or ask if we have any “better” frozen treats. Sparklers, chalk, bubbles, stickers, snacks, basically any consumable item - these two siblings will not stop taking or using it until it is gone or you tell them “that’s enough” or “I don’t have enough for everyone to have seconds”. I have had to start setting limits on things I never thought I’d have to. Who knew it was possible for 4 children to use a whole bucket of sidewalk chalk in a single afternoon? When I see these kids coming, I feel like I need to dole things out in small increments and lock up the rest. These kids are not poor or hungry - they are just takers and seem to never pick up on the cues that their behavior is out of the norm with other neighborhood kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for those who assume they are paying for the invited child, and also assume your invited child will be treated by the inviting family (both of which I agree with if the involved parties can afford it): if your child is treated, when they are dropped off do you ask the other parent how much you owe/offer to pay, or is it just assumed that the inviters pay?

We always ask (to be polite) although we know the answer. The other parents do the same when we offer to take their children.

I ask before the event / activity starts, not when it’s done. I’ll ask how much the ticket will be or how much I should send. If they decline, I send money with my kid and tell them to try to pay for ice cream or any treat if that’s part of the outing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one family in our neighborhood whose kids always come off as greedy and I don’t invite them places with us because it’s awkward...These kids are not poor or hungry - they are just takers and seem to never pick up on the cues that their behavior is out of the norm with other neighborhood kids.

Knowing this about them, how is it awkward? Just spell it out for them. Be their village if their parents aren't teaching them (or if they just need more reinforcement of norms).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one family in our neighborhood whose kids always come off as greedy and I don’t invite them places with us because it’s awkward...These kids are not poor or hungry - they are just takers and seem to never pick up on the cues that their behavior is out of the norm with other neighborhood kids.

Knowing this about them, how is it awkward? Just spell it out for them. Be their village if their parents aren't teaching them (or if they just need more reinforcement of norms).

I now know to set limits and expectations up front, but it’s every time for every single thing. If I tell them “only 1 popsicle today and no, we aren’t getting out Klondike bars because so don’t have enough for everyone.” I will get the same question followed by them trying to negotiate my limit the following day. It’s just really strange because they do not seem deprived at home.

[Anonymous]

Our outings are almost always to places where we already have a membership that covers multiple kids. Likewise with our close friends. I always pay for food and any extras if I'm hosting. Venmoing someone for kid expenses unless the other parent strongly insisted on reimbursing would be so awkward. It all evens out.

If DD is the one being invited, I do ask if we should get tickets in advance, pack a lunch, etc. Which almost always leads to them saying oh, this is on us. But you never know. And I send a snack for hangriness. My kid has come home with a keychain or geode or one of those flattened pennies but never something big like a toy or t-shirt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one family in our neighborhood whose kids always come off as greedy and I don’t invite them places with us because it’s awkward...These kids are not poor or hungry - they are just takers and seem to never pick up on the cues that their behavior is out of the norm with other neighborhood kids.

Knowing this about them, how is it awkward? Just spell it out for them. Be their village if their parents aren't teaching them (or if they just need more reinforcement of norms).

We have this problem at our pool. Rich kids are so clueless. My family likes to occasionally order pizza to the pool for dinner in the summer (its a fairly common thing for families to do - we don't have a snack bar.) If we had invited a kid to come with us, I would 100% order them pizza. But I have been shocked how many times my kid will just find a random friend to play with, and then that friend assumes the pizza is for them too! Without even a care or thought to the fact that they had not been invited to have pizza! Even asking for seconds and thirds when there clearly was not enough. Parent in their own world clueless. I'm not usually very bold, but had to just start saying, "Hi Katie! Nice to see you! Larla needs to come over here and eat dinner with us as a family right now, but she can come back and play with you when we are all finished." She eventually got the hint, but I'm like - where is your parent???

[Anonymous]

Why are there so many mealy mouthed parents who won’t speak up from the start? I’m talking about the neighbor kids, the pool kids, etc. not planned activities.

Or letting kids navigate the conversation on money for going on someone’s beach vacation? Parents should talk to the parents.

[Anonymous]

Don’t send more than $20.

Friend and you can have a discussion about who is paying for admission. Mostly the inviter pays.

$20 for extras is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Maybe we're the weirdos, but if we invite our kid's friend to the pool or the zoo, we pay entrance (or get in on our family pass). Then, we pack lunches and snacks and drinks. I'm unwilling to spend what could easily total up to $100 for me and two kids at the zoo for lunch and snack when I can pack it all for us for next to nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD was talking about our upcoming beach trip. Her friend expressed interest in going and asked me if she could go. I said sure, but she needs.to bring money for anything besides food. She showed up with nothing and I had to eat the cost of amusement park rides, mini golf tshirts and a beach towel since she didnt bring one. We are on a tight budget and even this extra $100 bothered me since I also had to pay for food and snacks on top of it. No comment from the parents. All expense paid trip for their kid.

This is something you communicate to the parents, if you can’t afford to take her, and how much the admission is, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD was talking about our upcoming beach trip. Her friend expressed interest in going and asked me if she could go. I said sure, but she needs.to bring money for anything besides food. She showed up with nothing and I had to eat the cost of amusement park rides, mini golf tshirts and a beach towel since she didnt bring one. We are on a tight budget and even this extra $100 bothered me since I also had to pay for food and snacks on top of it. No comment from the parents. All expense paid trip for their kid.

This is something you communicate to the parents, if you can’t afford to take her, and how much the admission is, etc.

Wow that seems so rude to send a kid with no money on a trip.