PSA: when sending your kid with another parent to do an activity, please send more than $20.

[Anonymous]

Damn! Am I the only parent who always sends money with my kid? Likewise, both of my kids friends always come with money.

We invited DD's best friend (10) to go to the beach with us because DS was away at camp so we had space. Her friend's mom sent $200 and told me the only rule was that her kid couldn't have ice cream less than an hour before bed (would get sick) or purchase more than one stuffed animal (lol - I love this) but other than that, no rules.

We of course paid for all of the kid's meals and treats. I gave her her money for souvenirs. She and DD also decided to ride some go karts and play some arcade type games one evening. I am NOT a fan of those types of places so DD knew that would be done with her own money. She was fine with that and her friend agreed. I paid for them both to get into the game facility (~$15 total, maybe?) and then gave the friend $40 to match what my DD had taken with her. They ended up sending a little over 25 on games and rides, I believe.

DS (15) went skiing with his friend's family this past winter. They invited him but did not pay for his lift ticket. I mean, if you're driving my kid to the slopes and watching him for the day in the cold weather, I'll gladly pay for his ticket. He ate dinner with them, which they covered, but he bought his own snacks and lunch.

I can't recall a friend ever going on an activity with us without any kind of money. Like I said, I always cover meals and entrance fees, but I'm not paying for your kid to buy souvenirs or throw away money on random arcade games, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop using the term PSA when it’s really just your cheap ass spouting off about something.

+1

What are you talking about OP? If you invite a child to the zoo, pay for their stuff.

Also who uses cash?!?

Uh, children do. Not every child in life is a DCUM spoiled brat with their own personal debit/credit card.

That escalated in a totally unnecessary way. Venmo seems well suited for situations like this, especially if you communicate that upfront.

And PSA: If you think people on this site raise a bunch of “spoiled brats”, maybe you should reconsider your engagement with it.

No thanks. I’m good. And I’ll send my kids with — gasp! — cash!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ETA to above: Ok, I do not mind paying but I do not like when kids take advantage of my good hospitality. I do not like it when a kid loads up on snacks or frivolous things on my dime in addition to the pizza and snacks and admission that I already purchased. This happened once and this child was not invited with us again. Lately, I took a child berry picking with us and paid admission and for containers. However, the child felt the need to take half of the fruit we picked for herself. I needed a certain amount for canning and barely made the amount I needed. I was not happy with this and she will not be coming with us again. Kids with manners and grace are welcomed.

You are the parent in charge when they are with you. Just say no. You don’t have to buy them anything and everything. You can say no to extra snacks, gifts, etc.

This but it’s a bit bizarre not to let them bring home some berries they picked. That is pretty bad to bring a kid to pick fruit and not let them have any.

Please review the difference between "any" and "half" and then try again. Thanks in advance.

DP. You said you "barely" had enough for canning. That sounds like you gave the friend almost no berries. If you let her have a few berries out of the many you needed for canning, I'm not exactly blown away by your amazing hospitality. Since this was a trip about you and your canning you should have left the friend at home because it doesn't sound like a fun activity.

I’m not that PP. The “almost no berries” is a fiction you created in your head. Try again. One child does not need half of what multiple people in two families picked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one family in our neighborhood whose kids always come off as greedy and I don’t invite them places with us because it’s awkward...These kids are not poor or hungry - they are just takers and seem to never pick up on the cues that their behavior is out of the norm with other neighborhood kids.

Knowing this about them, how is it awkward? Just spell it out for them. Be their village if their parents aren't teaching them (or if they just need more reinforcement of norms).

I now know to set limits and expectations up front, but it’s every time for every single thing. If I tell them “only 1 popsicle today and no, we aren’t getting out Klondike bars because so don’t have enough for everyone.” I will get the same question followed by them trying to negotiate my limit the following day. It’s just really strange because they do not seem deprived at home.

Ugh. Spoiled brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one family in our neighborhood whose kids always come off as greedy and I don’t invite them places with us because it’s awkward...These kids are not poor or hungry - they are just takers and seem to never pick up on the cues that their behavior is out of the norm with other neighborhood kids.

Knowing this about them, how is it awkward? Just spell it out for them. Be their village if their parents aren't teaching them (or if they just need more reinforcement of norms).

We have this problem at our pool. Rich kids are so clueless. My family likes to occasionally order pizza to the pool for dinner in the summer (its a fairly common thing for families to do - we don't have a snack bar.) If we had invited a kid to come with us, I would 100% order them pizza. But I have been shocked how many times my kid will just find a random friend to play with, and then that friend assumes the pizza is for them too! Without even a care or thought to the fact that they had not been invited to have pizza! Even asking for seconds and thirds when there clearly was not enough. Parent in their own world clueless. I'm not usually very bold, but had to just start saying, "Hi Katie! Nice to see you! Larla needs to come over here and eat dinner with us as a family right now, but she can come back and play with you when we are all finished." She eventually got the hint, but I'm like - where is your parent???

Begrudging your kids' friends a slice of pizza at the pool?

We haven’t done that for a while but I would happily offer and share pizza with my child’s friends. Gosh I hope my kids’ friends families would offer him some food.

Completely agree. If it’s too costly for you to spare a slice or two of pizza, then don’t order one to the pool.

Its not a cost thing for me. It is just I was hoping the pizza would be dinner, If your kids eats my 2 slices I have to grab something when we get home.

I would be fine skipping dinner, especially if it was pizza. I would eat an apple when I got home. No big deal.

HAHAHA. Classic DCUM smug response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ETA to above: Ok, I do not mind paying but I do not like when kids take advantage of my good hospitality. I do not like it when a kid loads up on snacks or frivolous things on my dime in addition to the pizza and snacks and admission that I already purchased. This happened once and this child was not invited with us again. Lately, I took a child berry picking with us and paid admission and for containers. However, the child felt the need to take half of the fruit we picked for herself. I needed a certain amount for canning and barely made the amount I needed. I was not happy with this and she will not be coming with us again. Kids with manners and grace are welcomed.

You are the parent in charge when they are with you. Just say no. You don’t have to buy them anything and everything. You can say no to extra snacks, gifts, etc.

This but it’s a bit bizarre not to let them bring home some berries they picked. That is pretty bad to bring a kid to pick fruit and not let them have any.

Please review the difference between "any" and "half" and then try again. Thanks in advance.

DP. You said you "barely" had enough for canning. That sounds like you gave the friend almost no berries. If you let her have a few berries out of the many you needed for canning, I'm not exactly blown away by your amazing hospitality. Since this was a trip about you and your canning you should have left the friend at home because it doesn't sound like a fun activity.

I’m not that PP. The “almost no berries” is a fiction you created in your head. Try again. One child does not need half of what multiple people in two families picked.

Barely had enough sounds a lot like your group didn’t get enough for your sacred canning or you’re just embellishing. You put it out there, people are just responding. Exactly how much did you give her if there was barely enough for you? just clarify if you want to be understood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Damn! Am I the only parent who always sends money with my kid? Likewise, both of my kids friends always come with money.

We invited DD's best friend (10) to go to the beach with us because DS was away at camp so we had space. Her friend's mom sent $200 and told me the only rule was that her kid couldn't have ice cream less than an hour before bed (would get sick) or purchase more than one stuffed animal (lol - I love this) but other than that, no rules.

We of course paid for all of the kid's meals and treats. I gave her her money for souvenirs. She and DD also decided to ride some go karts and play some arcade type games one evening. I am NOT a fan of those types of places so DD knew that would be done with her own money. She was fine with that and her friend agreed. I paid for them both to get into the game facility (~$15 total, maybe?) and then gave the friend $40 to match what my DD had taken with her. They ended up sending a little over 25 on games and rides, I believe.

DS (15) went skiing with his friend's family this past winter. They invited him but did not pay for his lift ticket. I mean, if you're driving my kid to the slopes and watching him for the day in the cold weather, I'll gladly pay for his ticket. He ate dinner with them, which they covered, but he bought his own snacks and lunch.

I can't recall a friend ever going on an activity with us without any kind of money. Like I said, I always cover meals and entrance fees, but I'm not paying for your kid to buy souvenirs or throw away money on random arcade games, lol.

This is how I operate. I’ll pay for your room, ice cream and dinner but if you want to come skiing with us, I’m not covering the lift ticket

[Anonymous]

When I was about 13 my mom sent me to stay with a friend for a week. She gave me $300. Friends mom wouldn’t let me pay for anything. And when I wanted a $20 shirt I got lectured on how much things cost and how I shouldn’t be relying on her to buy everything. As an adult I wonder what I was missing. I had money, wanted to use it and she wouldn’t let me. But yeah I probably was used to the bill being passed around and the grownup paying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn! Am I the only parent who always sends money with my kid? Likewise, both of my kids friends always come with money.

We invited DD's best friend (10) to go to the beach with us because DS was away at camp so we had space. Her friend's mom sent $200 and told me the only rule was that her kid couldn't have ice cream less than an hour before bed (would get sick) or purchase more than one stuffed animal (lol - I love this) but other than that, no rules.

We of course paid for all of the kid's meals and treats. I gave her her money for souvenirs. She and DD also decided to ride some go karts and play some arcade type games one evening. I am NOT a fan of those types of places so DD knew that would be done with her own money. She was fine with that and her friend agreed. I paid for them both to get into the game facility (~$15 total, maybe?) and then gave the friend $40 to match what my DD had taken with her. They ended up sending a little over 25 on games and rides, I believe.

DS (15) went skiing with his friend's family this past winter. They invited him but did not pay for his lift ticket. I mean, if you're driving my kid to the slopes and watching him for the day in the cold weather, I'll gladly pay for his ticket. He ate dinner with them, which they covered, but he bought his own snacks and lunch.

I can't recall a friend ever going on an activity with us without any kind of money. Like I said, I always cover meals and entrance fees, but I'm not paying for your kid to buy souvenirs or throw away money on random arcade games, lol.

This is how I operate. I’ll pay for your room, ice cream and dinner but if you want to come skiing with us, I’m not covering the lift ticket

Tacky. You invite the kid so you don’t have to interact with your kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ETA to above: Ok, I do not mind paying but I do not like when kids take advantage of my good hospitality. I do not like it when a kid loads up on snacks or frivolous things on my dime in addition to the pizza and snacks and admission that I already purchased. This happened once and this child was not invited with us again. Lately, I took a child berry picking with us and paid admission and for containers. However, the child felt the need to take half of the fruit we picked for herself. I needed a certain amount for canning and barely made the amount I needed. I was not happy with this and she will not be coming with us again. Kids with manners and grace are welcomed.

You are the parent in charge when they are with you. Just say no. You don’t have to buy them anything and everything. You can say no to extra snacks, gifts, etc.

This but it’s a bit bizarre not to let them bring home some berries they picked. That is pretty bad to bring a kid to pick fruit and not let them have any.

Please review the difference between "any" and "half" and then try again. Thanks in advance.

DP. You said you "barely" had enough for canning. That sounds like you gave the friend almost no berries. If you let her have a few berries out of the many you needed for canning, I'm not exactly blown away by your amazing hospitality. Since this was a trip about you and your canning you should have left the friend at home because it doesn't sound like a fun activity.

I’m not that PP. The “almost no berries” is a fiction you created in your head. Try again. One child does not need half of what multiple people in two families picked.

Barely had enough sounds a lot like your group didn’t get enough for your sacred canning or you’re just embellishing. You put it out there, people are just responding. Exactly how much did you give her if there was barely enough for you? just clarify if you want to be understood.

Child was probably given a container of berries. Child picked Barrie’s and wanted to take their container home. Seems reasonable to me. Op should have said you can fill your container to here to take home then I’d appreciate if you could help pick some for me for canning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ETA to above: Ok, I do not mind paying but I do not like when kids take advantage of my good hospitality. I do not like it when a kid loads up on snacks or frivolous things on my dime in addition to the pizza and snacks and admission that I already purchased. This happened once and this child was not invited with us again. Lately, I took a child berry picking with us and paid admission and for containers. However, the child felt the need to take half of the fruit we picked for herself. I needed a certain amount for canning and barely made the amount I needed. I was not happy with this and she will not be coming with us again. Kids with manners and grace are welcomed.

You are the parent in charge when they are with you. Just say no. You don’t have to buy them anything and everything. You can say no to extra snacks, gifts, etc.

This but it’s a bit bizarre not to let them bring home some berries they picked. That is pretty bad to bring a kid to pick fruit and not let them have any.

Please review the difference between "any" and "half" and then try again. Thanks in advance.

DP. You said you "barely" had enough for canning. That sounds like you gave the friend almost no berries. If you let her have a few berries out of the many you needed for canning, I'm not exactly blown away by your amazing hospitality. Since this was a trip about you and your canning you should have left the friend at home because it doesn't sound like a fun activity.

I’m not that PP. The “almost no berries” is a fiction you created in your head. Try again. One child does not need half of what multiple people in two families picked.

Barely had enough sounds a lot like your group didn’t get enough for your sacred canning or you’re just embellishing. You put it out there, people are just responding. Exactly how much did you give her if there was barely enough for you? just clarify if you want to be understood.

Child was probably given a container of berries. Child picked Barrie’s and wanted to take their container home. Seems reasonable to me. Op should have said you can fill your container to here to take home then I’d appreciate if you could help pick some for me for canning.

Presumably there were at least three people there: the adult, the adult's kid and her friend greedy berry kid, Why would you give the child "half the berries" you picked? If the kid asks just say no, we need the berries for xyz or...we each get berries that we picked etc...

[Anonymous]

Is this a cultural thing? In my circles (multi-cultural, mostly white collar immigrants) an invitation to DC's friends begins with communication with the parents and such details are covered. The parents will always offer to cover expenses, and we always decline politely because we cover food and tickets and other incidental costs. Parents will send extra money nonetheless in case their child wants to buy something else - but it is rare that the kids will go wild at the gift shop buying tchotchkes.

Don't know if we have been lucky that the kids we take with us are well-brought up and their parents sane or we are some kind of kid whisperers? In any case, I do know the parents of my kid's friends. The parent taking the kids on these trips and activities also send pictures of the kids doing the activities on the group text. If there is any need to split costs for an extended trip or activity, there are tons of apps that allows you to divvy up costs or split the bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was about 13 my mom sent me to stay with a friend for a week. She gave me $300. Friends mom wouldn’t let me pay for anything. And when I wanted a $20 shirt I got lectured on how much things cost and how I shouldn’t be relying on her to buy everything. As an adult I wonder what I was missing. I had money, wanted to use it and she wouldn’t let me. But yeah I probably was used to the bill being passed around and the grownup paying.

I suspect that the friend's mom resented paying for you, even when she insisted on paying for you. This happens a lot in families that are on a budget. They can never have a clear discussion about money because it is a triggering point. Second, they probably did not want you go wild "shopping" with the $300 that you had, because they were not going to give the same kind of cash to their own children to spend. Especially since they were paying for everyone (including you) for the week and had already incurred expenses.

What were you missing? My guess is that the friend's mom wanted you to show your gratitude and good manners. Something in the lines of you saying - "Mrs Smith, thank you for this wonderful trip. My mom had given me money so I could pay you for my expenses but you did not let me pay for anything on this trip. As a result I have all my money left. Please allow Maggie and me to use some of this saved money to buy shirts for ourselves."

Of course, as a 13 yr old, you would not have said all of these things. But what caused the outburst was that you had all that money to shop because you did not pay for anything, while their child did not because they paid for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you invite a guest, you pay for them.

If you are a parent in charge of an outing, it is good hosting manners to set out the expectations at the beginning. For example, I would tell the kids in the car on the way to the zoo “while we’re at the zoo, we’ll get lunch, but I won’t buy any treats or souvenirs. If we have time we’ll get froyo at the Sweet Frog outside the zoo.”

If your child is a guest, please teach them manners. When they are dining with another family, teach them to watch what other people order and order something similar. If everyone is ordering a sandwich and drinking from their water bottle, your kid should not order a lobster roll and a fresh squeezed lemonade. Teach them to order foods they are familiar with so they don’t waste a meal or to take a small portion to try if they are at someone’s home. Instead of asking for expensive extras and add-ons, teach them to ask the host’s kid first to see if that’s something their family typically does.

We have one family in our neighborhood whose kids always come off as greedy and I don’t invite them places with us because it’s awkward. If I get out glow sticks to play with on a summer evening, each kid takes 1-2 to make a necklace or bracelets. The greedy kids take 15-20 to make a huge chain and use the whole container. When we have BD parties, they will ask me if I have extra goody bags - there is no sibling at home they are asking for. They will always ask for a 2nd cupcake or piece of cake. If my kid gets popsicles and hands then out to his friends, these kids will always ask for more or ask if we have any “better” frozen treats. Sparklers, chalk, bubbles, stickers, snacks, basically any consumable item - these two siblings will not stop taking or using it until it is gone or you tell them “that’s enough” or “I don’t have enough for everyone to have seconds”. I have had to start setting limits on things I never thought I’d have to. Who knew it was possible for 4 children to use a whole bucket of sidewalk chalk in a single afternoon? When I see these kids coming, I feel like I need to dole things out in small increments and lock up the rest. These kids are not poor or hungry - they are just takers and seem to never pick up on the cues that their behavior is out of the norm with other neighborhood kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for those who assume they are paying for the invited child, and also assume your invited child will be treated by the inviting family (both of which I agree with if the involved parties can afford it): if your child is treated, when they are dropped off do you ask the other parent how much you owe/offer to pay, or is it just assumed that the inviters pay?

We always ask (to be polite) although we know the answer. The other parents do the same when we offer to take their children.

I ask before the event / activity starts, not when it’s done. I’ll ask how much the ticket will be or how much I should send. If they decline, I send money with my kid and tell them to try to pay for ice cream or any treat if that’s part of the outing.

+ 1
This is good upbringing.