PSA: when sending your kid with another parent to do an activity, please send more than $20.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We never take any money from the other parent/child. I assume it all just work itself out when our kids are invited.

Agree. This is bananas. I would never let a child we invite somewhere pay for anything at all. If you extended an invitation, you take care of everything. If we go to the zoo and I don’t want to use the zoo snack bar, I pack everyone a lunch and snacks for all. If I’m not familiar with the child I would run my packed lunch choices by her, but I wouldn’t expect her to make it.

I’ve also never ever had a paarent ask to be refunded for some cost that incurred when they had my child out. If taking another child out is a financial burden, don’t do it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our outings are almost always to places where we already have a membership that covers multiple kids. Likewise with our close friends. I always pay for food and any extras if I'm hosting. Venmoing someone for kid expenses unless the other parent strongly insisted on reimbursing would be so awkward. It all evens out.

If DD is the one being invited, I do ask if we should get tickets in advance, pack a lunch, etc. Which almost always leads to them saying oh, this is on us. But you never know. And I send a snack for hangriness. My kid has come home with a keychain or geode or one of those flattened pennies but never something big like a toy or t-shirt.

What places are these that cover multiple kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one family in our neighborhood whose kids always come off as greedy and I don’t invite them places with us because it’s awkward...These kids are not poor or hungry - they are just takers and seem to never pick up on the cues that their behavior is out of the norm with other neighborhood kids.

Knowing this about them, how is it awkward? Just spell it out for them. Be their village if their parents aren't teaching them (or if they just need more reinforcement of norms).

We have this problem at our pool. Rich kids are so clueless. My family likes to occasionally order pizza to the pool for dinner in the summer (its a fairly common thing for families to do - we don't have a snack bar.) If we had invited a kid to come with us, I would 100% order them pizza. But I have been shocked how many times my kid will just find a random friend to play with, and then that friend assumes the pizza is for them too! Without even a care or thought to the fact that they had not been invited to have pizza! Even asking for seconds and thirds when there clearly was not enough. Parent in their own world clueless. I'm not usually very bold, but had to just start saying, "Hi Katie! Nice to see you! Larla needs to come over here and eat dinner with us as a family right now, but she can come back and play with you when we are all finished." She eventually got the hint, but I'm like - where is your parent???

Begrudging your kids' friends a slice of pizza at the pool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one family in our neighborhood whose kids always come off as greedy and I don’t invite them places with us because it’s awkward...These kids are not poor or hungry - they are just takers and seem to never pick up on the cues that their behavior is out of the norm with other neighborhood kids.

Knowing this about them, how is it awkward? Just spell it out for them. Be their village if their parents aren't teaching them (or if they just need more reinforcement of norms).

We have this problem at our pool. Rich kids are so clueless. My family likes to occasionally order pizza to the pool for dinner in the summer (its a fairly common thing for families to do - we don't have a snack bar.) If we had invited a kid to come with us, I would 100% order them pizza. But I have been shocked how many times my kid will just find a random friend to play with, and then that friend assumes the pizza is for them too! Without even a care or thought to the fact that they had not been invited to have pizza! Even asking for seconds and thirds when there clearly was not enough. Parent in their own world clueless. I'm not usually very bold, but had to just start saying, "Hi Katie! Nice to see you! Larla needs to come over here and eat dinner with us as a family right now, but she can come back and play with you when we are all finished." She eventually got the hint, but I'm like - where is your parent???

Begrudging your kids' friends a slice of pizza at the pool?

We haven’t done that for a while but I would happily offer and share pizza with my child’s friends. Gosh I hope my kids’ friends families would offer him some food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one family in our neighborhood whose kids always come off as greedy and I don’t invite them places with us because it’s awkward...These kids are not poor or hungry - they are just takers and seem to never pick up on the cues that their behavior is out of the norm with other neighborhood kids.

Knowing this about them, how is it awkward? Just spell it out for them. Be their village if their parents aren't teaching them (or if they just need more reinforcement of norms).

We have this problem at our pool. Rich kids are so clueless. My family likes to occasionally order pizza to the pool for dinner in the summer (its a fairly common thing for families to do - we don't have a snack bar.) If we had invited a kid to come with us, I would 100% order them pizza. But I have been shocked how many times my kid will just find a random friend to play with, and then that friend assumes the pizza is for them too! Without even a care or thought to the fact that they had not been invited to have pizza! Even asking for seconds and thirds when there clearly was not enough. Parent in their own world clueless. I'm not usually very bold, but had to just start saying, "Hi Katie! Nice to see you! Larla needs to come over here and eat dinner with us as a family right now, but she can come back and play with you when we are all finished." She eventually got the hint, but I'm like - where is your parent???

Begrudging your kids' friends a slice of pizza at the pool?

We haven’t done that for a while but I would happily offer and share pizza with my child’s friends. Gosh I hope my kids’ friends families would offer him some food.

Completely agree. If it’s too costly for you to spare a slice or two of pizza, then don’t order one to the pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one family in our neighborhood whose kids always come off as greedy and I don’t invite them places with us because it’s awkward...These kids are not poor or hungry - they are just takers and seem to never pick up on the cues that their behavior is out of the norm with other neighborhood kids.

Knowing this about them, how is it awkward? Just spell it out for them. Be their village if their parents aren't teaching them (or if they just need more reinforcement of norms).

We have this problem at our pool. Rich kids are so clueless. My family likes to occasionally order pizza to the pool for dinner in the summer (its a fairly common thing for families to do - we don't have a snack bar.) If we had invited a kid to come with us, I would 100% order them pizza. But I have been shocked how many times my kid will just find a random friend to play with, and then that friend assumes the pizza is for them too! Without even a care or thought to the fact that they had not been invited to have pizza! Even asking for seconds and thirds when there clearly was not enough. Parent in their own world clueless. I'm not usually very bold, but had to just start saying, "Hi Katie! Nice to see you! Larla needs to come over here and eat dinner with us as a family right now, but she can come back and play with you when we are all finished." She eventually got the hint, but I'm like - where is your parent???

Begrudging your kids' friends a slice of pizza at the pool?

We haven’t done that for a while but I would happily offer and share pizza with my child’s friends. Gosh I hope my kids’ friends families would offer him some food.

Do you always order enough to feed any kid that wanders by?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one family in our neighborhood whose kids always come off as greedy and I don’t invite them places with us because it’s awkward...These kids are not poor or hungry - they are just takers and seem to never pick up on the cues that their behavior is out of the norm with other neighborhood kids.

Knowing this about them, how is it awkward? Just spell it out for them. Be their village if their parents aren't teaching them (or if they just need more reinforcement of norms).

We have this problem at our pool. Rich kids are so clueless. My family likes to occasionally order pizza to the pool for dinner in the summer (its a fairly common thing for families to do - we don't have a snack bar.) If we had invited a kid to come with us, I would 100% order them pizza. But I have been shocked how many times my kid will just find a random friend to play with, and then that friend assumes the pizza is for them too! Without even a care or thought to the fact that they had not been invited to have pizza! Even asking for seconds and thirds when there clearly was not enough. Parent in their own world clueless. I'm not usually very bold, but had to just start saying, "Hi Katie! Nice to see you! Larla needs to come over here and eat dinner with us as a family right now, but she can come back and play with you when we are all finished." She eventually got the hint, but I'm like - where is your parent???

Begrudging your kids' friends a slice of pizza at the pool?

We haven’t done that for a while but I would happily offer and share pizza with my child’s friends. Gosh I hope my kids’ friends families would offer him some food.

Completely agree. If it’s too costly for you to spare a slice or two of pizza, then don’t order one to the pool.

Its not a cost thing for me. It is just I was hoping the pizza would be dinner, If your kids eats my 2 slices I have to grab something when we get home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one family in our neighborhood whose kids always come off as greedy and I don’t invite them places with us because it’s awkward...These kids are not poor or hungry - they are just takers and seem to never pick up on the cues that their behavior is out of the norm with other neighborhood kids.

Knowing this about them, how is it awkward? Just spell it out for them. Be their village if their parents aren't teaching them (or if they just need more reinforcement of norms).

We have this problem at our pool. Rich kids are so clueless. My family likes to occasionally order pizza to the pool for dinner in the summer (its a fairly common thing for families to do - we don't have a snack bar.) If we had invited a kid to come with us, I would 100% order them pizza. But I have been shocked how many times my kid will just find a random friend to play with, and then that friend assumes the pizza is for them too! Without even a care or thought to the fact that they had not been invited to have pizza! Even asking for seconds and thirds when there clearly was not enough. Parent in their own world clueless. I'm not usually very bold, but had to just start saying, "Hi Katie! Nice to see you! Larla needs to come over here and eat dinner with us as a family right now, but she can come back and play with you when we are all finished." She eventually got the hint, but I'm like - where is your parent???

Begrudging your kids' friends a slice of pizza at the pool?

We haven’t done that for a while but I would happily offer and share pizza with my child’s friends. Gosh I hope my kids’ friends families would offer him some food.

Do you always order enough to feed any kid that wanders by?

Pp here. We are at a country club now but at our old pool, I would gladly buy food for kids’ friends. I can’t imagine a situation where a random stranger would come try to eat our food. Friend from school or swim team or soccer? I absolutely would give them food. If anything, I may feel bad if I’m ruining their dinner and in our circles, I would be more concerned about feeding unhealthy food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one family in our neighborhood whose kids always come off as greedy and I don’t invite them places with us because it’s awkward...These kids are not poor or hungry - they are just takers and seem to never pick up on the cues that their behavior is out of the norm with other neighborhood kids.

Knowing this about them, how is it awkward? Just spell it out for them. Be their village if their parents aren't teaching them (or if they just need more reinforcement of norms).

We have this problem at our pool. Rich kids are so clueless. My family likes to occasionally order pizza to the pool for dinner in the summer (its a fairly common thing for families to do - we don't have a snack bar.) If we had invited a kid to come with us, I would 100% order them pizza. But I have been shocked how many times my kid will just find a random friend to play with, and then that friend assumes the pizza is for them too! Without even a care or thought to the fact that they had not been invited to have pizza! Even asking for seconds and thirds when there clearly was not enough. Parent in their own world clueless. I'm not usually very bold, but had to just start saying, "Hi Katie! Nice to see you! Larla needs to come over here and eat dinner with us as a family right now, but she can come back and play with you when we are all finished." She eventually got the hint, but I'm like - where is your parent???

Begrudging your kids' friends a slice of pizza at the pool?

We haven’t done that for a while but I would happily offer and share pizza with my child’s friends. Gosh I hope my kids’ friends families would offer him some food.

Completely agree. If it’s too costly for you to spare a slice or two of pizza, then don’t order one to the pool.

Its not a cost thing for me. It is just I was hoping the pizza would be dinner, If your kids eats my 2 slices I have to grab something when we get home.

I would be fine skipping dinner, especially if it was pizza. I would eat an apple when I got home. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe we're the weirdos, but if we invite our kid's friend to the pool or the zoo, we pay entrance (or get in on our family pass). Then, we pack lunches and snacks and drinks. I'm unwilling to spend what could easily total up to $100 for me and two kids at the zoo for lunch and snack when I can pack it all for us for next to nothing.

This is us, too, but my daughter's one good friend is like the PP described and constantly asking me to buy her snacks. And, yes, I do use my words, but it's exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD was talking about our upcoming beach trip. Her friend expressed interest in going and asked me if she could go. I said sure, but she needs.to bring money for anything besides food. She showed up with nothing and I had to eat the cost of amusement park rides, mini golf tshirts and a beach towel since she didnt bring one. We are on a tight budget and even this extra $100 bothered me since I also had to pay for food and snacks on top of it. No comment from the parents. All expense paid trip for their kid.

Well, I guess you know this now, but next time tell the parents clearly: "Larla expressed interest in coming to our beach house and we'd love to have her. Please have her bring sunscreen, a few swimsuits, and some extra spending money for the amusement park and the planned outing X, $X should cover it.)"

This. You speak to the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter messaged me from practice a few weeks ago, saying X invited her to go with them for ice cream. They would drive her home when they were finished. I agreed. A short while later the mom sent me a money request through Venmo for my daughter's ice cream. I paid of course, and would have sent money, but still was surprised to see a request at all. If you invite, you should pay. Otherwise just host at home.

This is why we don’t carpool. I agree with you. I cannot imagine asking a parent for money. Either we can afford it for all or none of us get it.

[Anonymous]

The zoo is free and lunch isn't $20 there.
In any event, I can't imagine inviting a kid and asking them to pay their way. If you can't afford to treat the friend, don't invite them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe we're the weirdos, but if we invite our kid's friend to the pool or the zoo, we pay entrance (or get in on our family pass). Then, we pack lunches and snacks and drinks. I'm unwilling to spend what could easily total up to $100 for me and two kids at the zoo for lunch and snack when I can pack it all for us for next to nothing.

This is us, too, but my daughter's one good friend is like the PP described and constantly asking me to buy her snacks. And, yes, I do use my words, but it's exhausting.

Before you enter the pool tell the kids you have snacks if they are hungry and you will not be buying any. Tell her if she asks repeatedly she will not be invited again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD had a friend who I watched once a week all summer. Her mother gave her money and the little girl just kept it. Was hard not to get annoyed.

I'd have asked the kid. "Janie, did your mom give you money you're supposed to give me?" If I was positive I'd say "Janie, I think your mom gave you money you're supposed to give me. Can I have it now please?" and if the kid said the mom didn't or she lost it I'd say "Okay, we'll ask her when she picks you up." And then I'd ask the mom in front of the kid.

Really? I am the PP to which you are responding. I didn't know for sure the mom gave her money. Probably should have clarified that in the beginning of this 2 month arrangement. Didn't want to make it a thing. Ofc my DD's friend had expensive tastes. Oh well.

So you got annoyed about something you didn't actually know about?

You ask the parent who you are giving free care to to give you a specific amount each week for activities. Simple.