Would it be rude to send her home after an hour vs. taking to pool?

[Anonymous]

If the kid biked there on her own, she can bike home on her own too! You don’t need to be worried about her ability to get herself around if her parents aren’t. No one is rude in this situation, unless the the kid said something like ‘my mom went to the store and told me to come here to play’ or something like that.

In my neighborhood lots of kids roam around on bikes starting around age 7 or so. Knocking on doors and seeing who is home and wants to play etc. I have fed many a kid an impromptu summer lunch, just as my kids have had food at other people’s houses. I would never expect anyone to feed my kid even if they showed up at lunch time. They know where we live and can come home for food when they want it! If we are going somewhere and I want to bring a neighbor kid with us, I’ll text their parents to ask. If not, I just send the kids on their way.

[Anonymous]

You are fine, OP.
The girl’s mom didn’t need to text you to ask if it’s okay if her daughter comes over. And when she does just drop by, you are free to say that your child can’t play right now for any reason. I mean, if this child had come an hour later, you would have already left for the pool, and she would have to bike home. She knew that was a possibility when she came over.

However, you DO need to call and ask the girls mom if it’s okay if you take her daughter to go swimming. She might not be a good swimmer. They might have plans that afternoon, and her mom needs to know where she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are fine, OP.
The girl’s mom didn’t need to text you to ask if it’s okay if her daughter comes over. And when she does just drop by, you are free to say that your child can’t play right now for any reason. I mean, if this child had come an hour later, you would have already left for the pool, and she would have to bike home. She knew that was a possibility when she came over.

However, you DO need to call and ask the girls mom if it’s okay if you take her daughter to go swimming. She might not be a good swimmer. They might have plans that afternoon, and her mom needs to know where she is.

If the mom needs to know where she is, she shouldn't send her down to OP's house without checking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are fine, OP.
The girl’s mom didn’t need to text you to ask if it’s okay if her daughter comes over. And when she does just drop by, you are free to say that your child can’t play right now for any reason. I mean, if this child had come an hour later, you would have already left for the pool, and she would have to bike home. She knew that was a possibility when she came over.

However, you DO need to call and ask the girls mom if it’s okay if you take her daughter to go swimming. She might not be a good swimmer. They might have plans that afternoon, and her mom needs to know where she is.

If the mom needs to know where she is, she shouldn't send her down to OP's house without checking.

This. OP isn't under any obligation to the mom. The kid can come in for a bit, maybe join in a sandwich, and then head back to wherever she's heading when the family goes to the pool. I have a lot of kids knock on my door. Sometimes they come in, sometimes my kids go out, and sometimes my kids can't play. It's all good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send her home and text the mom. “We have plans and the kids can’t play right now. Larla is on her way back. Maybe we can plan for another day. Enjoy your Sunday!”

Don’t feed her (unless her family is food insecure).

OP, what would you want another parent to do if it was your kid who was in this position? Do you think the kid will be fed after she bikes home? Her mom knows the deal and is ok with putting you in an awkward position.

[Anonymous]

I guess there are the posters who feel the parents (mom, of course) sent their kid to OP’s house (at noon!) with some expectation or obligation that OP then became automatically responsible for said child— which is very rude.

Then there are the rest of us who think the kid was out playing and biking and just knocked on OP’s door, which is totally fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess there are the posters who feel the parents (mom, of course) sent their kid to OP’s house (at noon!) with some expectation or obligation that OP then became automatically responsible for said child— which is very rude.

Then there are the rest of us who think the kid was out playing and biking and just knocked on OP’s door, which is totally fine.

Except the kid had not had lunch. Like, I'm all for kids out playing, but if they are going to run down to a friend's house, I need to know that, and I would make sure my kid ate first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are fine, OP.
The girl’s mom didn’t need to text you to ask if it’s okay if her daughter comes over. And when she does just drop by, you are free to say that your child can’t play right now for any reason. I mean, if this child had come an hour later, you would have already left for the pool, and she would have to bike home. She knew that was a possibility when she came over.

However, you DO need to call and ask the girls mom if it’s okay if you take her daughter to go swimming. She might not be a good swimmer. They might have plans that afternoon, and her mom needs to know where she is.

If the mom needs to know where she is, she shouldn't send her down to OP's house without checking.

No. Her mom knows that she rode her bike to a friend's house or even that she is out riding her bike.
If you are going to drive someone's child somewhere else for the afternoon, then you need to let their parents know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are fine, OP.
The girl’s mom didn’t need to text you to ask if it’s okay if her daughter comes over. And when she does just drop by, you are free to say that your child can’t play right now for any reason. I mean, if this child had come an hour later, you would have already left for the pool, and she would have to bike home. She knew that was a possibility when she came over.

However, you DO need to call and ask the girls mom if it’s okay if you take her daughter to go swimming. She might not be a good swimmer. They might have plans that afternoon, and her mom needs to know where she is.

If the mom needs to know where she is, she shouldn't send her down to OP's house without checking.

This. OP isn't under any obligation to the mom. The kid can come in for a bit, maybe join in a sandwich, and then head back to wherever she's heading when the family goes to the pool. I have a lot of kids knock on my door. Sometimes they come in, sometimes my kids go out, and sometimes my kids can't play. It's all good.

I am with you. If this girl had come an hour later, OP wouldn't have been there, and the girl would have biked home. It's no big deal.

I would say that all of your options are good. The only one that really isn't good would be OP taking this girl off to the pool without checking in with the girl's mom first. If the kids are going to play, then they play at your house or in your neighborhood. You don't just drive them off to some other place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess there are the posters who feel the parents (mom, of course) sent their kid to OP’s house (at noon!) with some expectation or obligation that OP then became automatically responsible for said child— which is very rude.

Then there are the rest of us who think the kid was out playing and biking and just knocked on OP’s door, which is totally fine.

Except the kid had not had lunch. Like, I'm all for kids out playing, but if they are going to run down to a friend's house, I need to know that, and I would make sure my kid ate first.

Sure but it's not OP's responsibility that the kid eat lunch. It's really no big deal if the kid doesn't eat lunch at noon. OP can offer a sandwich if it's not too much of a hassle or just send the kid on her way. Personally, I would have sent the kid on her way - no hard feelings, just not a good time. And I wouldn't text the mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are fine, OP.
The girl’s mom didn’t need to text you to ask if it’s okay if her daughter comes over. And when she does just drop by, you are free to say that your child can’t play right now for any reason. I mean, if this child had come an hour later, you would have already left for the pool, and she would have to bike home. She knew that was a possibility when she came over.

However, you DO need to call and ask the girls mom if it’s okay if you take her daughter to go swimming. She might not be a good swimmer. They might have plans that afternoon, and her mom needs to know where she is.

If the mom needs to know where she is, she shouldn't send her down to OP's house without checking.

No. Her mom knows that she rode her bike to a friend's house or even that she is out riding her bike.
If you are going to drive someone's child somewhere else for the afternoon, then you need to let their parents know.

Hey, you send the kid down to someone's house without checking with them, you are OK with them watching your kid, maybe they'll head on down to the pool or the park or the grocery store as planned. If you gave a shyt where your child was, you'd communicate with the parent you apparently expect to watch your kid.

[Anonymous]

And yet we often hear people lament that childhood isn't like it used to be, with kids out and playing independently. Good for this kid bike riding to a friends and playing. THat's independence. At the same time, it's perfectly fine to say, ok, you can play for an hour, then we have other plans. Then you go do your other plans. Easy peasy.

[Anonymous]

Did OP ever come back? What happened with the kid yesterday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are fine, OP.
The girl’s mom didn’t need to text you to ask if it’s okay if her daughter comes over. And when she does just drop by, you are free to say that your child can’t play right now for any reason. I mean, if this child had come an hour later, you would have already left for the pool, and she would have to bike home. She knew that was a possibility when she came over.

However, you DO need to call and ask the girls mom if it’s okay if you take her daughter to go swimming. She might not be a good swimmer. They might have plans that afternoon, and her mom needs to know where she is.

If the mom needs to know where she is, she shouldn't send her down to OP's house without checking.

No. Her mom knows that she rode her bike to a friend's house or even that she is out riding her bike.
If you are going to drive someone's child somewhere else for the afternoon, then you need to let their parents know.

Hey, you send the kid down to someone's house without checking with them, you are OK with them watching your kid, maybe they'll head on down to the pool or the park or the grocery store as planned. If you gave a shyt where your child was, you'd communicate with the parent you apparently expect to watch your kid.

If the kid is old enough to be going around to friends on her own, she clearly knows or should know to call her mom if she is going elsewhere. We live in an area where kids do this all the time. My rule is they have to tell me where they are going (I don't "send" them anywhere), and if they go somewhere else they either have to come back and tell me or ask to use the phone and call me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are fine, OP.
The girl’s mom didn’t need to text you to ask if it’s okay if her daughter comes over. And when she does just drop by, you are free to say that your child can’t play right now for any reason. I mean, if this child had come an hour later, you would have already left for the pool, and she would have to bike home. She knew that was a possibility when she came over.

However, you DO need to call and ask the girls mom if it’s okay if you take her daughter to go swimming. She might not be a good swimmer. They might have plans that afternoon, and her mom needs to know where she is.

If the mom needs to know where she is, she shouldn't send her down to OP's house without checking.

No. Her mom knows that she rode her bike to a friend's house or even that she is out riding her bike.
If you are going to drive someone's child somewhere else for the afternoon, then you need to let their parents know.

Hey, you send the kid down to someone's house without checking with them, you are OK with them watching your kid, maybe they'll head on down to the pool or the park or the grocery store as planned. If you gave a shyt where your child was, you'd communicate with the parent you apparently expect to watch your kid.

If the kid is old enough to be going around to friends on her own, she clearly knows or should know to call her mom if she is going elsewhere. We live in an area where kids do this all the time. My rule is they have to tell me where they are going (I don't "send" them anywhere), and if they go somewhere else they either have to come back and tell me or ask to use the phone and call me.

If the kid asks to use my phone, sure, but if you don't bother calling me I guess there's no need to communicate with you that we're going to the pool. Larla came down to play with my kids, guess we're playing at the pool!