Would it be rude to send her home after an hour vs. taking to pool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just tell the mom we're going to the pull in a an hour. If you want her to join us please bring her things over within 30 minutes otherwise I'll drop her off on my way out.

Because our pool passes are expensive and I don’t want to watch an extra kid at the pool by myself all afternoon. -OP

So invite the mom too. You don't sound like a good neighbor.

The other mom was rude. She could have texted before her kid showed up.

back in the day, kids rode bikes for hours, stopp9ng by various lids houses. sometimes the kids will come out to play and sometimes they couldnt. not a big deal.

It’s pretty bold of someone to send their kid over to someone else’s house at *noon* when the kid has not had lunch.

I didn't realize food prices had become *that* bad.

It’s not about food prices. It’s about manners. But then, you already knew that.

[Anonymous]

There sure are some tightly wound weirdos around here.
Stay tuned for their posts in a few years: "help! my kid has no friends"


i've always had an open door policy when it comes to neighbor kids and my kids knocked on other doors all the time. We live in a friendly, tight-knit neighborhood.
I've probably other kids lunch 100 times and my kids have eaten 100 meals a piece with other families.

They're now in high school and each of them has a group of 6-8 neighbor friends who are their BFFs and likely will be until they're all old and grey.
They all go to different high schools but these neighborhood pals are their best friends. The friendships have survived school changes, outside activities, etc.
My son has breakfast out with his friends every Sunday morning.
There is true beauty in having an open door and establishing very close neighborhood friends but you have to give the kids room to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so strange. Sometimes kids knock or walk over wanting to play. If my kids want to play and we’re not busy, they play outside. If we are busy, my kid says, “Sorry, we are busy.” and other kid goes home. Or, “I can play for 30 minutes.”

Why would there be any expectation that the kid is joining your outing for the day?

+1.

I would actually think it was kind of odd if my kid rode her bike over to play for a little bit, and you took her to the pool for the rest of the afternoon.

Yes. I will foist my kid off on a bike ride for an hour, but I expect her to come back. I don’t really expect other parents to be driving away with her to some other place.

+2. And for an adult to be driving away the child or taking them somewhere without telling parents that would be kidnapping!

LOL, tell it to the officer. You sent your kid down unsupervised with no communication. “Can Carla play?” She sure can, we’re going to our cousins’ house and we’ve got an extra carseat. Shrug. If you gave a damn where your kid was or who they were with or what you’d be doing, you’d communicate with the other parent. If your child asks to call and make sure it’s OK first, oh sure here’s my phone. Don’t want your child going places and doing things with my family? Don’t send her down to my house without connecting with me.

You are insane, only have a toddler, or are trolling. My 10yo son goes out on his bike and knocks on friends doors and meets up with kids in the park. You think I should be texting all the parents in the neighborhood to see if their sons want to play?! No. My son is allowed to bike around the neighborhood by himself but I would certainly not be happy if another parent took him somewhere without texting me first!

No one wants your kid knocking on their door demanding they be allowed to come in. You are the mom people hate and we only take the kids as we feel sorry for then. If you send them to my house and don’t care where they are I owe you nothing. Grow up and try being a responsible parent. If your kid wants to play with friends you host.

We have a neighborhood mom like you. Trust me - my kids, and most of the kids in the neighborhood, know better than to knock on your door. It's your kid who is missing out on an awesome fun summer with neighborhood friends.

Trust me — our kids have plenty of friends and are having a great summer and everyone in the neighborhood talks about the lazy parents like you who never want to miss an opportunity to make their kids someone else’s responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had a kid come by and ask to play with no parent communication. We said yes and the friend ended up making chocolate chip cookies with us, as that was our plan for the afternoon. I let each kid have 3 warm cookies and milk (the cookies were small). The mom had the audacity to text me later and say she didn't appreciate that I gave her daughter cookies!

LOL.

And yes, I agree that if you send your kid over with no communication, we may end up somewhere besides our house, like going on a walk to have a picnic in the park that's about a 10-minute walk for us. If you're not OK with your kid going to a second location or need them home by a certain time, you'd darn well better communicate and you have no right at all to complain if you don't know where your kid is or they aren't home when you want them to be.

I think this is fine, as long as the means of getting to the second destination is the same (or slower) than the means of travel that the kid used to reach your house. If my kid walked or biked to you unannounced, please don't put her in your car. Feel free to walk to the nearby park though -- she could get there on her own.

How would you be sure that another parent wouldn't take your kid in the car without ever communicating to that effect? If you let your kid roam on their bike and the dad of the house says hey, I'll take the kids with me to McDonald's for lunch you don't really have a leg to stand on if you're mad about that.

Again, I really think the parents of younger kids responding just need to take a deep breath.

I don't need to communicate with the other parents when my 10 and 13 year old are biking around the neighborhood because I communicate with my kids.
They know when they need to be home and what they are and aren't allowed to do.

If you said you were taking your kids to McDonalds for lunch, they'd know to ask me first.
If you offered to take them to the pool, they'd know to ask me first.
If you and your kids invited them to go to the park a few blocks away, they'd hop on their bike and join you.

As others have said, I am so appreciative we live in a neighborhood where roving packs of tweens on bikes is a normal thing.

You can keep repeating the “you’re all parents of young kids and you don’t know what you’re talking about” as many times as you like, but you’ll still be wrong. I’m one of the people disagreeing with you. My oldest is in college, youngest in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’m so glad I’m somebody who enjoys kids. This would not stress me out in the least. Personally I’d have fed the kid, drive to her house to get a suit and taken her to the pool.

Only time I don’t enjoy kids and will send them packing is if their have bad behavior outside the range of normal.

Yup. This is probably why I have 4 kids and a minivan that can haul 8 passengers. I keep my garage fridge packed with drinks, snacks, and flavor ice. Neighborhood kids come over to play and can help themselves. If there’s extra food for lunch or someone is still here around dinner time I offer a plate if there’s enough. For gods sake I don’t work, it’s not like I have a thousand things to do. If a bunch of kids want to join at the pool the more the merrier. My kids fight less when there’s a few friends around to break up the siblings focus on each other.

I also grew up in a faith community where it was normal to have a lot of kids. I’m used to kids and really cherish this time. In a few years the house will be quiet.

Why do your kids fight? Mine don't. I guess because we give them some attention and don't expect the oldest to raise the youngest.

Lol! I have 4 boys and if your kids don’t fight they sound abnormal.

I wish my oldest kid would take some responsibility. The picture you paint sounds dreamy. I can’t even leave them home with a sitter even though my oldest is 13. All hell would break loose.

Hope you feel better after getting they off your chest.❤️

Sounds like a parenting issue.

+1,000. How sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There sure are some tightly wound weirdos around here.
Stay tuned for their posts in a few years: "help! my kid has no friends"


i've always had an open door policy when it comes to neighbor kids and my kids knocked on other doors all the time. We live in a friendly, tight-knit neighborhood.
I've probably other kids lunch 100 times and my kids have eaten 100 meals a piece with other families.

They're now in high school and each of them has a group of 6-8 neighbor friends who are their BFFs and likely will be until they're all old and grey.
They all go to different high schools but these neighborhood pals are their best friends. The friendships have survived school changes, outside activities, etc.
My son has breakfast out with his friends every Sunday morning.
There is true beauty in having an open door and establishing very close neighborhood friends but you have to give the kids room to do this.

This sounds truly wonderful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had a kid come by and ask to play with no parent communication. We said yes and the friend ended up making chocolate chip cookies with us, as that was our plan for the afternoon. I let each kid have 3 warm cookies and milk (the cookies were small). The mom had the audacity to text me later and say she didn't appreciate that I gave her daughter cookies!

LOL.

And yes, I agree that if you send your kid over with no communication, we may end up somewhere besides our house, like going on a walk to have a picnic in the park that's about a 10-minute walk for us. If you're not OK with your kid going to a second location or need them home by a certain time, you'd darn well better communicate and you have no right at all to complain if you don't know where your kid is or they aren't home when you want them to be.

I think this is fine, as long as the means of getting to the second destination is the same (or slower) than the means of travel that the kid used to reach your house. If my kid walked or biked to you unannounced, please don't put her in your car. Feel free to walk to the nearby park though -- she could get there on her own.

How would you be sure that another parent wouldn't take your kid in the car without ever communicating to that effect? If you let your kid roam on their bike and the dad of the house says hey, I'll take the kids with me to McDonald's for lunch you don't really have a leg to stand on if you're mad about that.

Well ok, I guess I can't ever be sure about what's happening with my kid when I can't see her. But isn't that all about letting go and giving kids some independence? Sure, there's risk, but what's the alternative? Watching her every move? Theoretically things worse than putting her in a car to go to McDonald's could happen, but she's knocking on doors of families we know, who have some common sense. They've never put her or another kid in a car without talking to the parents as far as I know. Genuinely can't figure out what some posters are imagining this all actually looks like in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had a kid come by and ask to play with no parent communication. We said yes and the friend ended up making chocolate chip cookies with us, as that was our plan for the afternoon. I let each kid have 3 warm cookies and milk (the cookies were small). The mom had the audacity to text me later and say she didn't appreciate that I gave her daughter cookies!

LOL.

And yes, I agree that if you send your kid over with no communication, we may end up somewhere besides our house, like going on a walk to have a picnic in the park that's about a 10-minute walk for us. If you're not OK with your kid going to a second location or need them home by a certain time, you'd darn well better communicate and you have no right at all to complain if you don't know where your kid is or they aren't home when you want them to be.

I think this is fine, as long as the means of getting to the second destination is the same (or slower) than the means of travel that the kid used to reach your house. If my kid walked or biked to you unannounced, please don't put her in your car. Feel free to walk to the nearby park though -- she could get there on her own.

How would you be sure that another parent wouldn't take your kid in the car without ever communicating to that effect? If you let your kid roam on their bike and the dad of the house says hey, I'll take the kids with me to McDonald's for lunch you don't really have a leg to stand on if you're mad about that.

Well ok, I guess I can't ever be sure about what's happening with my kid when I can't see her. But isn't that all about letting go and giving kids some independence? Sure, there's risk, but what's the alternative? Watching her every move? Theoretically things worse than putting her in a car to go to McDonald's could happen, but she's knocking on doors of families we know, who have some common sense. They've never put her or another kid in a car without talking to the parents as far as I know. Genuinely can't figure out what some posters are imagining this all actually looks like in real life.

It is really irresponsible to let your elementary school kids free roam and not care where they are. If you choose to do this and another parent is kind enough to care for your unwanted kid then stop complaining. I’d put your kid in my car to drive them home and tell you you need to call and pay me for my time if you expect me to babysit. You have the kids at your house and supervise. Don’t constantly dump your kids on others. Kids don’t need independence at that age. They need parenting and supervision.

[Anonymous]

This thread has me literally thanking God for our wonderful neighborhood and the wonderful kids and families we have gotten to know here.

We joke about living in Mayberry sometimes, and it sure beats living around a bunch of Gladys Kravitz wannabes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had a kid come by and ask to play with no parent communication. We said yes and the friend ended up making chocolate chip cookies with us, as that was our plan for the afternoon. I let each kid have 3 warm cookies and milk (the cookies were small). The mom had the audacity to text me later and say she didn't appreciate that I gave her daughter cookies!

LOL.

And yes, I agree that if you send your kid over with no communication, we may end up somewhere besides our house, like going on a walk to have a picnic in the park that's about a 10-minute walk for us. If you're not OK with your kid going to a second location or need them home by a certain time, you'd darn well better communicate and you have no right at all to complain if you don't know where your kid is or they aren't home when you want them to be.

I think this is fine, as long as the means of getting to the second destination is the same (or slower) than the means of travel that the kid used to reach your house. If my kid walked or biked to you unannounced, please don't put her in your car. Feel free to walk to the nearby park though -- she could get there on her own.

How would you be sure that another parent wouldn't take your kid in the car without ever communicating to that effect? If you let your kid roam on their bike and the dad of the house says hey, I'll take the kids with me to McDonald's for lunch you don't really have a leg to stand on if you're mad about that.

Again, I really think the parents of younger kids responding just need to take a deep breath.

I don't need to communicate with the other parents when my 10 and 13 year old are biking around the neighborhood because I communicate with my kids.
They know when they need to be home and what they are and aren't allowed to do.

If you said you were taking your kids to McDonalds for lunch, they'd know to ask me first.
If you offered to take them to the pool, they'd know to ask me first.
If you and your kids invited them to go to the park a few blocks away, they'd hop on their bike and join you.

As others have said, I am so appreciative we live in a neighborhood where roving packs of tweens on bikes is a normal thing.

You can keep repeating the “you’re all parents of young kids and you don’t know what you’re talking about” as many times as you like, but you’ll still be wrong. I’m one of the people disagreeing with you. My oldest is in college, youngest in elementary school[i][u].

So presumably somewhere between kindergarten and college, you stopped setting up playdates for your children and let them independently manage their social life. Or were you still calling your 17 year old's friends' parents to see if Larlo was allowed to come over and play?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There sure are some tightly wound weirdos around here.
Stay tuned for their posts in a few years: "help! my kid has no friends"


i've always had an open door policy when it comes to neighbor kids and my kids knocked on other doors all the time. We live in a friendly, tight-knit neighborhood.
I've probably other kids lunch 100 times and my kids have eaten 100 meals a piece with other families.

They're now in high school and each of them has a group of 6-8 neighbor friends who are their BFFs and likely will be until they're all old and grey.
They all go to different high schools but these neighborhood pals are their best friends. The friendships have survived school changes, outside activities, etc.
My son has breakfast out with his friends every Sunday morning.
There is true beauty in having an open door and establishing very close neighborhood friends but you have to give the kids room to do this.

Our kids are still young, but this is the feel of our neighborhood. I am never annoyed when my neighbors' kids knock on my door. And I certainly don't feel the urge to complain on DCUMs. If my kids have time to play, great. If they don't, we tell the other kids that we have other plans. Occasionally, I text the mom saying: "Hey, Larla came over today. Unfortunately, we had plans. Sorry. Would love to see her again same time tomorrow." Many time, I don't get parents involved. As simple as that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had a kid come by and ask to play with no parent communication. We said yes and the friend ended up making chocolate chip cookies with us, as that was our plan for the afternoon. I let each kid have 3 warm cookies and milk (the cookies were small). The mom had the audacity to text me later and say she didn't appreciate that I gave her daughter cookies!

LOL.

And yes, I agree that if you send your kid over with no communication, we may end up somewhere besides our house, like going on a walk to have a picnic in the park that's about a 10-minute walk for us. If you're not OK with your kid going to a second location or need them home by a certain time, you'd darn well better communicate and you have no right at all to complain if you don't know where your kid is or they aren't home when you want them to be.

I think this is fine, as long as the means of getting to the second destination is the same (or slower) than the means of travel that the kid used to reach your house. If my kid walked or biked to you unannounced, please don't put her in your car. Feel free to walk to the nearby park though -- she could get there on her own.

How would you be sure that another parent wouldn't take your kid in the car without ever communicating to that effect? If you let your kid roam on their bike and the dad of the house says hey, I'll take the kids with me to McDonald's for lunch you don't really have a leg to stand on if you're mad about that.

Well ok, I guess I can't ever be sure about what's happening with my kid when I can't see her. But isn't that all about letting go and giving kids some independence? Sure, there's risk, but what's the alternative? Watching her every move? Theoretically things worse than putting her in a car to go to McDonald's could happen, but she's knocking on doors of families we know, who have some common sense. They've never put her or another kid in a car without talking to the parents as far as I know. Genuinely can't figure out what some posters are imagining this all actually looks like in real life.

It is really irresponsible to let your elementary school kids free roam and not care where they are. If you choose to do this and another parent is kind enough to care for your unwanted kid then stop complaining. I’d put your kid in my car to drive them home and tell you you need to call and pay me for my time if you expect me to babysit. You have the kids at your house and supervise. Don’t constantly dump your kids on others. Kids don’t need independence at that age. They need parenting and supervision.

Have you ever had to do this? Has this ever even happened to you? I can't figure out why you're so hot and bothered about a non issue in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just tell the mom we're going to the pull in a an hour. If you want her to join us please bring her things over within 30 minutes otherwise I'll drop her off on my way out.

Because our pool passes are expensive and I don’t want to watch an extra kid at the pool by myself all afternoon. -OP

So invite the mom too. You don't sound like a good neighbor.

The other mom was rude. She could have texted before her kid showed up.

back in the day, kids rode bikes for hours, stopp9ng by various lids houses. sometimes the kids will come out to play and sometimes they couldnt. not a big deal.

It’s pretty bold of someone to send their kid over to someone else’s house at *noon* when the kid has not had lunch.

I didn't realize food prices had become *that* bad.

It’s not about food prices. It’s about manners. But then, you already knew that.

I'm imagining you being a b to some gawky neighbor kid for eating a PPJ with her friend while thinking you have superior manners...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so strange. Sometimes kids knock or walk over wanting to play. If my kids want to play and we’re not busy, they play outside. If we are busy, my kid says, “Sorry, we are busy.” and other kid goes home. Or, “I can play for 30 minutes.”

Why would there be any expectation that the kid is joining your outing for the day?

+1.

I would actually think it was kind of odd if my kid rode her bike over to play for a little bit, and you took her to the pool for the rest of the afternoon.

Yes. I will foist my kid off on a bike ride for an hour, but I expect her to come back. I don’t really expect other parents to be driving away with her to some other place.

+2. And for an adult to be driving away the child or taking them somewhere without telling parents that would be kidnapping!

LOL, tell it to the officer. You sent your kid down unsupervised with no communication. “Can Carla play?” She sure can, we’re going to our cousins’ house and we’ve got an extra carseat. Shrug. If you gave a damn where your kid was or who they were with or what you’d be doing, you’d communicate with the other parent. If your child asks to call and make sure it’s OK first, oh sure here’s my phone. Don’t want your child going places and doing things with my family? Don’t send her down to my house without connecting with me.

You are insane, only have a toddler, or are trolling. My 10yo son goes out on his bike and knocks on friends doors and meets up with kids in the park. You think I should be texting all the parents in the neighborhood to see if their sons want to play?! No. My son is allowed to bike around the neighborhood by himself but I would certainly not be happy if another parent took him somewhere without texting me first!

No one wants your kid knocking on their door demanding they be allowed to come in. You are the mom people hate and we only take the kids as we feel sorry for then. If you send them to my house and don’t care where they are I owe you nothing. Grow up and try being a responsible parent. If your kid wants to play with friends you host.

Why do you think “Can Sally come out to play?” is a demand? It’s a question and one perfectly acceptable response is “No.”

I think it’s obnoxious. You call or text. We aren’t letting kids hang out in our house due to Covid but we have a parent working at home and kids are in school, tutoring and music during the day. Maybe you should find ways to stimulate your kids without expecting others to be free babysitters

why are your kids in school and tutoring during the summer?

I’m not the PP but perhaps because the parents think that during a summer day that has 24 hours, an hour or so dedicated to learning is an hour well spent?

[Anonymous]

Just tell the kid thr terms you're OK with - come back after your kids are done lunch, play an hour, whatever. These kids that show up alone can handle direct communication. Just be clear. "I'll tell you when it's time to go" and done. Don't make it a thing. You want to feed her? Do. You don't? Ask her to come back after yours are done. These kids off on their own either have instructions about lunch or a laid back approach and eat whenever. If she asks for food and you don't want to feed her t her she needs to go home. I actually came to enjoy these kids when I learned to be very explicit and direct.

So not rude at all.