I would like to hear from professionals about screen use

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professionals meaning child psychologists, child development experts, pediatricians, teachers. Not just fellow parent-quacks like me.

I am quite strict about screen use for my 5yo. 20-30 min after each meal and that’s it, other than FaceTime. As she gets older I’ll probably relax enough to allow a movie or two each weekend in the company of family or friends.

I also rarely use my phone in front of her, and when I do I explain what I’m doing (ordering dinner, texting her dad a grocery list).

DH goes along with this but also thinks I’m slightly cuckoo since just about everyone else we know is fairly laissez faire (other than two close friends who do similarly). Everyone else pays lip service (I wish he would stop playing so many video games!) but they’ve thrown up their hands.

At what point should I loosen the apron strings? I just want DD to live a full life, and I feel that the addictiveness of screens takes away from that life. I do practice what I preach and don’t use my phone excessively.

After each meal, so 1.5 hr a day? That’s not super strict

Agree. My kids did not have anywhere close to this much at that age. Now they are 10 (girl) and 12 (boy) and it is unlimited. They have busy sports schedules and can go a week without TV naturally, but they also may watch 3-4 movies over a rainy weekend. It varies. Neither has their own device and we don’t have a video game console. They use the computer a lot for school at this point and the 12 year old looks up sports news on the computer most mornings. I think it is a mistake for little kids to have a guaranteed TV time every day at a certain time. OP’s kid has it 3 times. That’s crazy to me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our entire society is screen addicted. So yeah, most kids are too. You can’t fix systemic issues at an individual level, but that’s what parents are told to do, over and over.

Also, the culture of intensive parenting is incredibly wearing. Parents use screens for a break, which makes the kids less tolerant of boredom. Vicious cycle.

We should start by rejecting intensive parenting, not screens.

Ridiculous

Actually I agree with PP. This is spot on. Parents think they need to be engaging their child at all times. As a result, kids don’t know how to be bored or find things for themselves to do. And because it isn’t possible to engage with your child at all times during waking hours, parents turn to screens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professionals meaning child psychologists, child development experts, pediatricians, teachers. Not just fellow parent-quacks like me.

I am quite strict about screen use for my 5yo. 20-30 min after each meal and that’s it, other than FaceTime. As she gets older I’ll probably relax enough to allow a movie or two each weekend in the company of family or friends.

I also rarely use my phone in front of her, and when I do I explain what I’m doing (ordering dinner, texting her dad a grocery list).

DH goes along with this but also thinks I’m slightly cuckoo since just about everyone else we know is fairly laissez faire (other than two close friends who do similarly). Everyone else pays lip service (I wish he would stop playing so many video games!) but they’ve thrown up their hands.

At what point should I loosen the apron strings? I just want DD to live a full life, and I feel that the addictiveness of screens takes away from that life. I do practice what I preach and don’t use my phone excessively.

After each meal, so 1.5 hr a day? That’s not super strict

Agree. My kids did not have anywhere close to this much at that age. Now they are 10 (girl) and 12 (boy) and it is unlimited. They have busy sports schedules and can go a week without TV naturally, but they also may watch 3-4 movies over a rainy weekend. It varies. Neither has their own device and we don’t have a video game console. They use the computer a lot for school at this point and the 12 year old looks up sports news on the computer most mornings. I think it is a mistake for little kids to have a guaranteed TV time every day at a certain time. OP’s kid has it 3 times. That’s crazy to me!

Your house sounds similar to mine. I agree 1.5 hours seems like a lot. I also wonder for all the parents saying their kids are allowed a lot of screen time, but are also doing so many other things: when your child has downtime, is their default to fill the time with a screen? Plenty of kids will keep busy happily if they have an organized activity, or if parent is directly engaging them in something. But the minute no one is there to occupy the time, is their go-to an iPad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm only a mom, but your kid gets way more screen time than my tweens.

+100!

My twins are 8 and they've never had that much screen time.

[Anonymous]

I think all of this is crazy… screens seem to hold such power for both adults and kids. Screens are seen as a reward by kids and I think it’s very unhealthy. This is not how we grew up.

My kids always watched movies in our native languages (not tv) since they were little. I have no idea how much or even if every day because I never thought I needed to monitor.
Today my kids are 8, 6 and 3.
The older two don’t really watch tv (except for dance videos where they dance after dinner… maybe 10-15 min). On weekends they watch tv sometimes when their brother naps if they don’t want to play. Other times we put a movie we watch together in the afternoon if we don’t want to go outside…. I don’t know… I have to actually think about for a minute because I don’t know how much or when they watch tv. It’s not a set amount. It’s not a reward and it’s not a punishment. Sometimes I guess they never watch tv for a whole week and sometimes they watch 2 movies per day on a Saturday.

Do you make sure your child is being enriched every waking moment? Do you think this obsession is good or healthy?

Maybe I am from a different country/culture and that’s why I see this extreme obsession with screen time as madness… I don’t know…

If/when my kids have iPads/phones I guess I will monitor to make sure they don’t talk to strangers/get into trouble, but as long as they are watching Disney, I don’t care (at all).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think all of this is crazy… screens seem to hold such power for both adults and kids. Screens are seen as a reward by kids and I think it’s very unhealthy. This is not how we grew up.

My kids always watched movies in our native languages (not tv) since they were little. I have no idea how much or even if every day because I never thought I needed to monitor.
Today my kids are 8, 6 and 3.
The older two don’t really watch tv (except for dance videos where they dance after dinner… maybe 10-15 min). On weekends they watch tv sometimes when their brother naps if they don’t want to play. Other times we put a movie we watch together in the afternoon if we don’t want to go outside…. I don’t know… I have to actually think about for a minute because I don’t know how much or when they watch tv. It’s not a set amount. It’s not a reward and it’s not a punishment. Sometimes I guess they never watch tv for a whole week and sometimes they watch 2 movies per day on a Saturday.

Do you make sure your child is being enriched every waking moment? Do you think this obsession is good or healthy?

Maybe I am from a different country/culture and that’s why I see this extreme obsession with screen time as madness… I don’t know…

If/when my kids have iPads/phones I guess I will monitor to make sure they don’t talk to strangers/get into trouble, but as long as they are watching Disney, I don’t care (at all).

I honestly don’t care either. As long as my kid is developing well (which she is) and is happy and fulfilled (which she is), I don’t care about the screen time.

I think about all the screen time I had as a kid … I think about the fact that my husband had a TV in his bedroom and watched Married with Children at way too young of an age. He turned out great.

It really matters much less than parents think it does. A lot of parents just use it as an excuse to become obnoxious sanctimommies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our entire society is screen addicted. So yeah, most kids are too. You can’t fix systemic issues at an individual level, but that’s what parents are told to do, over and over.

Also, the culture of intensive parenting is incredibly wearing. Parents use screens for a break, which makes the kids less tolerant of boredom. Vicious cycle.

We should start by rejecting intensive parenting, not screens.

Ridiculous

Actually I agree with PP. This is spot on. Parents think they need to be engaging their child at all times. As a result, kids don’t know how to be bored or find things for themselves to do. And because it isn’t possible to engage with your child at all times during waking hours, parents turn to screens.

I agree too. For us it started with the pandemic and I just haven't been able to break the cycle even once the kids returned to childcare/school. My 3yo watches way more TV than my oldest did at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our entire society is screen addicted. So yeah, most kids are too. You can’t fix systemic issues at an individual level, but that’s what parents are told to do, over and over.

Also, the culture of intensive parenting is incredibly wearing. Parents use screens for a break, which makes the kids less tolerant of boredom. Vicious cycle.

We should start by rejecting intensive parenting, not screens.

Ridiculous

Actually I agree with PP. This is spot on. Parents think they need to be engaging their child at all times. As a result, kids don’t know how to be bored or find things for themselves to do. And because it isn’t possible to engage with your child at all times during waking hours, parents turn to screens.

I agree too. For us it started with the pandemic and I just haven't been able to break the cycle even once the kids returned to childcare/school. My 3yo watches way more TV than my oldest did at that age.

I’m the PP. lets not forget parents who been arrested for letting their kids walk to a nearby park. Society discourages parents from anything perceived as risky for kids. And shames parents for screen use! You literally can’t win.

I defaulted to screens with my oldest and regret it. But I understand how it happened. I don’t do this with my younger two. Pediatricians should hand out information on the necessity of independent play from babyhood rather than just ask how much screen time the kid gets.

We’ve got to stop making parenting impossible (this includes the workplace too) or we're headed for rock bottom birth rates.