Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The line is consent.

Pressure does not mean there is no consent.

My DH pressures me regularly. The resulting act is not assault.

Speak for yourself. My xH pressured me into having sex I did not want. It very much felt like assault to me, I would cry the entire time, and it caused me a lot of trauma, far more trauma than the times I was assaulted by strangers. After we divorced I never wanted sex again. It took a long time, and a very patient man, to help me enjoy sex again.

No amount of pressure is acceptable. If someone is upset with the amount of sex, they need to approach it from a standpoint of "what can I do to make you feel more comfortable and interested in sex?", and then follow through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What he did was absolutely wrong, but I think it would be very very difficult to prosecute. I also think it is healthiest for your daughter to MOVE ON with the help of a professional.

Depends on the state and the lawyer. Could be done.

They could also just press police charges and let the district attorney go after him.

Sometimes the healthiest thing for w9men and girls to do is to fight back and feel strong in their own agency.

She needs to learn this without prosecuting this young man. She said yes. She was not threatened or forced - “I’m going to break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not a threat to her person.

I think he is a sleazeball - but seriously, why do y’all think 17-18 year old guys date freshmen? It’s not because your daughter is so awesome. It’s a lot easier to talk a 14 yo into sex acts (vs a 17-18 girl).

Not really because believe it or not many girls want to have sex, specially by 17-18. You act like it is only the boys want to try sex. All girls are just helpless flowers go can be easily talked into sex by any boys.

I think of my daughter at 14. She certainly wasn’t dating a 17 year old but I could see that young girl being coerced into something she really didn’t want. Now that she is 18? I have a lot of confidence that she will only have sex when she wants to. The self confidence and growth is amazing.

This. I remember at 14, I was obsessed with the boy I dated, was pressured into things I did not want to do but did them anyway because I was so attached, and went through a horrible depression after he broke up with me, resulting in cutting and suicide attempts.

18? I was so over boys. When my boyfriend senior year took me to his friend's house during lunch so we could have sex for the first time while his friend waited downstairs - without discussing ANY of this with me - I told him to pound sand and dumped his ass. 14 year olds just don't have the maturity to handle those situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What he did was absolutely wrong, but I think it would be very very difficult to prosecute. I also think it is healthiest for your daughter to MOVE ON with the help of a professional.

Depends on the state and the lawyer. Could be done.

They could also just press police charges and let the district attorney go after him.

Sometimes the healthiest thing for w9men and girls to do is to fight back and feel strong in their own agency.

She needs to learn this without prosecuting this young man. She said yes. She was not threatened or forced - “I’m going to break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not a threat to her person.

I think he is a sleazeball - but seriously, why do y’all think 17-18 year old guys date freshmen? It’s not because your daughter is so awesome. It’s a lot easier to talk a 14 yo into sex acts (vs a 17-18 girl).

Not really because believe it or not many girls want to have sex, specially by 17-18. You act like it is only the boys want to try sex. All girls are just helpless flowers go can be easily talked into sex by any boys.

I think of my daughter at 14. She certainly wasn’t dating a 17 year old but I could see that young girl being coerced into something she really didn’t want. Now that she is 18? I have a lot of confidence that she will only have sex when she wants to. The self confidence and growth is amazing.

This. I remember at 14, I was obsessed with the boy I dated, was pressured into things I did not want to do but did them anyway because I was so attached, and went through a horrible depression after he broke up with me, resulting in cutting and suicide attempts.

18? I was so over boys. When my boyfriend senior year took me to his friend's house during lunch so we could have sex for the first time while his friend waited downstairs - without discussing ANY of this with me - I told him to pound sand and dumped his ass. 14 year olds just don't have the maturity to handle those situations.

+1

There are good reasons why 14 is considered statutory rape in many states - not possible to give informed consent even if they were willing, which was not the case here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What he did was absolutely wrong, but I think it would be very very difficult to prosecute. I also think it is healthiest for your daughter to MOVE ON with the help of a professional.

Depends on the state and the lawyer. Could be done.

They could also just press police charges and let the district attorney go after him.

Sometimes the healthiest thing for w9men and girls to do is to fight back and feel strong in their own agency.

She needs to learn this without prosecuting this young man. She said yes. She was not threatened or forced - “I’m going to break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not a threat to her person.

I think he is a sleazeball - but seriously, why do y’all think 17-18 year old guys date freshmen? It’s not because your daughter is so awesome. It’s a lot easier to talk a 14 yo into sex acts (vs a 17-18 girl).

Not really because believe it or not many girls want to have sex, specially by 17-18. You act like it is only the boys want to try sex. All girls are just helpless flowers go can be easily talked into sex by any boys.

I think of my daughter at 14. She certainly wasn’t dating a 17 year old but I could see that young girl being coerced into something she really didn’t want. Now that she is 18? I have a lot of confidence that she will only have sex when she wants to. The self confidence and growth is amazing.

This. I remember at 14, I was obsessed with the boy I dated, was pressured into things I did not want to do but did them anyway because I was so attached, and went through a horrible depression after he broke up with me, resulting in cutting and suicide attempts.

18? I was so over boys. When my boyfriend senior year took me to his friend's house during lunch so we could have sex for the first time while his friend waited downstairs - without discussing ANY of this with me - I told him to pound sand and dumped his ass. 14 year olds just don't have the maturity to handle those situations.

+1

There are good reasons why 14 is considered statutory rape in many states - not possible to give informed consent even if they were willing, which was not the case here.

Sorry should say intercourse with 14 year old considered rape in many states

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What he did was absolutely wrong, but I think it would be very very difficult to prosecute. I also think it is healthiest for your daughter to MOVE ON with the help of a professional.

Depends on the state and the lawyer. Could be done.

They could also just press police charges and let the district attorney go after him.

Sometimes the healthiest thing for w9men and girls to do is to fight back and feel strong in their own agency.

She needs to learn this without prosecuting this young man. She said yes. She was not threatened or forced - “I’m going to break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not a threat to her person.

I think he is a sleazeball - but seriously, why do y’all think 17-18 year old guys date freshmen? It’s not because your daughter is so awesome. It’s a lot easier to talk a 14 yo into sex acts (vs a 17-18 girl).

Not really because believe it or not many girls want to have sex, specially by 17-18. You act like it is only the boys want to try sex. All girls are just helpless flowers go can be easily talked into sex by any boys.

I think of my daughter at 14. She certainly wasn’t dating a 17 year old but I could see that young girl being coerced into something she really didn’t want. Now that she is 18? I have a lot of confidence that she will only have sex when she wants to. The self confidence and growth is amazing.

This. I remember at 14, I was obsessed with the boy I dated, was pressured into things I did not want to do but did them anyway because I was so attached, and went through a horrible depression after he broke up with me, resulting in cutting and suicide attempts.

18? I was so over boys. When my boyfriend senior year took me to his friend's house during lunch so we could have sex for the first time while his friend waited downstairs - without discussing ANY of this with me - I told him to pound sand and dumped his ass. 14 year olds just don't have the maturity to handle those situations.

Thank you for sharing your experience, and your story is EXACTLY what I was talking about. The person bolded is just being deliberately obtuse. There is a difference in maturity between 13-14 yo girls and 17-18 girls, which is why the statutory rape laws are what they are.

[Anonymous]

I feel there is a case for finding the boy liable here.

He had a duty (which a reasonable man would know) to act or refrain from acting. But instead, his actions directly caused the cutting/ emotional harm, and therefore negligence inures against him.

Your niece should sue for actual and punitive damages, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel there is a case for finding the boy liable here.

He had a duty (which a reasonable man would know) to act or refrain from acting. But instead, his actions directly caused the cutting/ emotional harm, and therefore negligence inures against him.

Your niece should sue for actual and punitive damages, OP.

What damages? Breaking up with her when he went away to college is normal, and better than continuing to try to keep the relationship going long-distance.

[Anonymous]

What state? That’s relevant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece, 14-year-old freshman, dated a 17-year-old senior at her high school. She liked him because he was popular and smart. He found out that she liked him and asked her out. With the exception of one date where they saw a movie, their relationship consisted of him driving her to his house during lunch period and things progressed sexually. She did not want to have sex, told him she didn’t want it, but he pressured her and coerced her. Told her he would break up with her if she didn’t. She reluctantly went through with it but hated it. She eventually started cutting herself and other self-harm. After he graduated, he called her to say he was breaking up with her because he was going to college. She became depressed and had substance abuse issues. She is in therapy. Is what happened to her just poor judgment or self esteem on her part, or did the guy commit some kind of actionable offense against her?

Uh minimum consent is 16 in many/most states. I think you have a case. Also in some states boy has to be within 2 years of girl - to obviate this predatory behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece, 14-year-old freshman, dated a 17-year-old senior at her high school. She liked him because he was popular and smart. He found out that she liked him and asked her out. With the exception of one date where they saw a movie, their relationship consisted of him driving her to his house during lunch period and things progressed sexually. She did not want to have sex, told him she didn’t want it, but he pressured her and coerced her. Told her he would break up with her if she didn’t. She reluctantly went through with it but hated it. She eventually started cutting herself and other self-harm. After he graduated, he called her to say he was breaking up with her because he was going to college. She became depressed and had substance abuse issues. She is in therapy. Is what happened to her just poor judgment or self esteem on her part, or did the guy commit some kind of actionable offense against her?

Maryland doesn’t have a law named “statuatory rape”. However s 17 year old cannot lawfully have intercourse with a 14 year old. It should have been reported to the police.

[Anonymous]

The boy is a predator but probably didn’t do anything illegal.

The girl’s parents are beyond dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The boy is a predator but probably didn’t do anything illegal.

The girl’s parents are beyond dumb.

Wrong. Boy more than likely did something illegal in many states.

You do not have enough info about parents to make this assessment on their IQ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should be reported and be charged with sexual assault! Boys will be boys is saying rape is all right.

It doesn’t sound like rape if she gave consent then regretted it later.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should be reported and be charged with sexual assault! Boys will be boys is saying rape is all right.

It doesn’t sound like rape if she gave consent then regretted it later.

This.

Not THIS. She was 14 and could not legally consent …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should be reported and be charged with sexual assault! Boys will be boys is saying rape is all right.

It doesn’t sound like rape if she gave consent then regretted it later.

This.

Not THIS. She was 14 and could not legally consent …

Depends on what state, which OP has not told us.