Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
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Anonymous
| My niece, 14-year-old freshman, dated a 17-year-old senior at her high school. She liked him because he was popular and smart. He found out that she liked him and asked her out. With the exception of one date where they saw a movie, their relationship consisted of him driving her to his house during lunch period and things progressed sexually. She did not want to have sex, told him she didn’t want it, but he pressured her and coerced her. Told her he would break up with her if she didn’t. She reluctantly went through with it but hated it. She eventually started cutting herself and other self-harm. After he graduated, he called her to say he was breaking up with her because he was going to college. She became depressed and had substance abuse issues. She is in therapy. Is what happened to her just poor judgment or self esteem on her part, or did the guy commit some kind of actionable offense against her? |
Anonymous
| He should be reported and be charged with sexual assault! Boys will be boys is saying rape is all right. |
Anonymous
| I mean, if she consented, however reluctantly, and he didn't use force or threats of physical harm, it's probably not a crime (unless it runs afoul of the statutory rape laws in the jurisdiction). But it's not just "boys will be boys"; this guy is a predator, and I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't use alcohol, and perhaps even force, to coerce girls into sex as he heads off to college. I'm sorry for your niece, and hope she's getting effective help from her therapist and family. |
Anonymous
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This is not "boys will be boys.". This is "boys will take full advantage of a society that lets them take advantage of girls without facing consequences"
I don't think there is any possibility of legal action without forcing your niece to re-live the trauma in what will definitely turn into a "he said-she said" case. I had friends in HS 30 years ago who had similar experiences. I'm sorry that this is still going on and that your niece had to suffer. I'm glad she is getting help, which is the one thing that has improved over the last 30 years. |
Anonymous
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Hard to say. If she changed her “no” to a “yes”, I’m not sure that’s assault. His behavior was terrible, but it doesn’t seem to be criminal. Is this more of a case that she regrets having sex with him and is upset about how he used her?
It doesn’t seem like statutory rape would be applicable if he was 17. Even if it was actionable, it may no longer be if too much time has passed and the statute of limitations has run. If this was my niece, I’d be more concerned about getting her the help she needs than trying to fight an uphill battle to try to hold the boy responsible based on what you’ve shared about the situation. |
Anonymous
| This is very typical high school boy behavior. Girls with low self esteem should not be dating That much above their grade level. Where were the parents? |
Anonymous
| This is why 14 year old girls should not be dating 17 year old boys. It’s horrible what happened to her, but it wasn’t criminal. But it was poor judgement on the part of her parents to let the relationship start in the first place. |
Anonymous
It doesn’t sound like rape if she gave consent then regretted it later. |
Anonymous
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I do not think so. So she was a freshman and him a senior? It is always easiest to blame the older boy but you really do not know what happen. It takes two and kids experiment and many times regret what they have done. These are magnified in high school where a relative small age difference is a big deal in terms of maturity emotionally and physically.
I alway worry about the kids who date older. It’s like they are trying to escape their age/Peer group. Could he have triggered this or would this have happened without the relationship? Did the pandemic play a part? Who knows but this seems like underline issues. |
Anonymous
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There could possibly be something there depending on the jurisdiction and the exact ages that things happened, particularly after he turned 18.
Generally it sounds like he is a toxic jerk that she consented to because she has low self esteem. She wasn’t really coerced into it if the threat was that he would break up with her. That’s his prerogative even if he’s a slimy d*ck. |
Anonymous
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Talk to a lawyer. Some of this depends on state laws.
It could be statutory rape, but in many states, he will be exempt from statutory rape laws based on a "Romeo and Juliet" exemption. This applies when the two people involved are close in age. But this is very much a matter of state law. She consented. Saying I'll break up with you if you don't doesn't constitute coersion in the state I'm most familiar with. |
Anonymous
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Just because something cannot be proven to be a criminal offense doesn't mean it isn't an act worthy of unequivocal condemnation.
I am so sorry for your nice. I hope that this guy never touches another girl or woman. But he is probably just going to destroy more lives. |
Anonymous
| He’s a slimy predator and a shot stain on humanity, but it doesn’t sound like anything legally actionable. |
Anonymous
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PP Do not rely on this, but it gives a good quick summary of age of consent and states with Romeo and Juliet exemptions. For those with exemptions you need to check the age limits.
https://www.ageofconsent.net/states |
Anonymous
No, it is poor judgement on HER PARENTS part. 14 year olds should not be dating 17-18 year olds. There is too much of a power differential. I cannot believe you would blame this on poor judgement of a child. She is a victim. My sister went through something similar, where she was coerced into saying yes. 20 years later she still has trauma over it. As far as legally, I would speak with an attorney and look into the statutory rape laws. If he broke up with her at graduation, presumably he was 18 and there may be legal action you can take. And please don't ever question if sexual assault and rape are "boys being boys". If it's not a "HELL YES", then it's not a "yes". |