Incident with kids/Seperation

Anonymous wrote:Especially when she’s not even in the room or vicinity!

Kids know right from wrong.
Kids know who cares.
Kids know abuse.
Kids know neglect.

Only a selfish narc would gaslight his own kids to think leaving them alone in a car park is so cool and their fault. Poor kids.

What? OP didn't mention anything about drugs?

report

10/19/2021 15:12

Subject: Incident with kids/Seperation

quote

Anonymous

OP is not answering any critically important questions like 'how did she find out this is happening?'

Having that fight in front of the kids was exponentially worse for the kids regardless of the severity of the incident. OP travelling to the scene to start that fight IMO puts her automatically in the wrong. And it makes me think she puts the kids in the middle frequently.

report

10/19/2021 15:14

Subject: Incident with kids/Seperation

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:OP is not answering any critically important questions like 'how did she find out this is happening?'

Having that fight in front of the kids was exponentially worse for the kids regardless of the severity of the incident. OP travelling to the scene to start that fight IMO puts her automatically in the wrong. And it makes me think she puts the kids in the middle frequently.

I’d bet he called her about a finding a spare key or valet key. That or the kids called her and were upset. Possibly quite upset.

report

10/20/2021 11:21

Subject: Incident with kids/Seperation

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not answering any critically important questions like 'how did she find out this is happening?'

Having that fight in front of the kids was exponentially worse for the kids regardless of the severity of the incident. OP travelling to the scene to start that fight IMO puts her automatically in the wrong. And it makes me think she puts the kids in the middle frequently.

I’d bet he called her about a finding a spare key or valet key. That or the kids called her and were upset. Possibly quite upset.

My parents were divorced and hated each other. And from that perspective, one of the worst things OP could have possibly done in the face of her kid's genuine upsetness is teach them that calling her means she will come and cause a huge public scene that they will feel responsible for creating.

Personally, I think the danger here is overblown, but even if it wasn't, what OP did helped no one, it made no one safer, it just exposed her kids to a nasty fight and one they were likely embarrassed even more by because it happened in public and in front of Grandma. She made it so her kids are less likely to call her in the future, because they will feel naturally protective and loving towards both parents and feel like they cannot talk to either about the other anymore.

report

10/20/2021 12:42

Subject: Incident with kids/Seperation

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not answering any critically important questions like 'how did she find out this is happening?'

Having that fight in front of the kids was exponentially worse for the kids regardless of the severity of the incident. OP travelling to the scene to start that fight IMO puts her automatically in the wrong. And it makes me think she puts the kids in the middle frequently.

I’d bet he called her about a finding a spare key or valet key. That or the kids called her and were upset. Possibly quite upset.

My parents were divorced and hated each other. And from that perspective, one of the worst things OP could have possibly done in the face of her kid's genuine upsetness is teach them that calling her means she will come and cause a huge public scene that they will feel responsible for creating.

Personally, I think the danger here is overblown, but even if it wasn't, what OP did helped no one, it made no one safer, it just exposed her kids to a nasty fight and one they were likely embarrassed even more by because it happened in public and in front of Grandma. She made it so her kids are less likely to call her in the future, because they will feel naturally protective and loving towards both parents and feel like they cannot talk to either about the other anymore.

Much better to walk on eggshells around incapable husband and let kids bake in a locked car or get hit in a parking lot.

The husband is an idiot here, multiple ways to Sunday. He’s lucky the police and CPs were not called, although insurance may have to. Don’t blame the mom, the only adult with a brain that day, for coming, and then getting yelled at by incapable, abusive dad.

report

10/20/2021 12:42

Subject: Incident with kids/Seperation

quote

Anonymous

Teach the children that dads neglect, misjudgment and temper tantrums must be catered to.

report

10/20/2021 13:51

Subject: Incident with kids/Seperation

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not answering any critically important questions like 'how did she find out this is happening?'

Having that fight in front of the kids was exponentially worse for the kids regardless of the severity of the incident. OP travelling to the scene to start that fight IMO puts her automatically in the wrong. And it makes me think she puts the kids in the middle frequently.

I’d bet he called her about a finding a spare key or valet key. That or the kids called her and were upset. Possibly quite upset.

My parents were divorced and hated each other. And from that perspective, one of the worst things OP could have possibly done in the face of her kid's genuine upsetness is teach them that calling her means she will come and cause a huge public scene that they will feel responsible for creating.

Personally, I think the danger here is overblown, but even if it wasn't, what OP did helped no one, it made no one safer, it just exposed her kids to a nasty fight and one they were likely embarrassed even more by because it happened in public and in front of Grandma. She made it so her kids are less likely to call her in the future, because they will feel naturally protective and loving towards both parents and feel like they cannot talk to either about the other anymore.

Much better to walk on eggshells around incapable husband and let kids bake in a locked car or get hit in a parking lot.

The husband is an idiot here, multiple ways to Sunday. He’s lucky the police and CPs were not called, although insurance may have to. Don’t blame the mom, the only adult with a brain that day, for coming, and then getting yelled at by incapable, abusive dad.

No. Much better to handle it privately, after the fact, out of earshot of the children. By the time she showed up Dad had the kids and was getting a locksmith. None of the dangers you are citing were relevant at that point (and I strongly disagree with them as they were NEVER in a car without AC in the heat).

I don't know your history with families like this, but mom acted selfishly. She reacted emotionally and went to a scene she was incapable of improving and put the kids in the middle of the conflict. Dad screaming at her was just as bad IMO. This is two parents behaving badly, and kids being forced into a front row view because neither parent decided to handle it like an adult.

report

10/20/2021 13:57

Subject: Incident with kids/Seperation

quote

Anonymous

None of you bitterly divorced people want to hear this but the single most damaging thing you can do to your kids (when there is not REAL abuse happening) is to not have them witness your animosity towards one another. Putting them in the middle, making them watch your fights, that is what hurts them. It may not be fair, it may mean one parent needs to swallow a lot of crow because the other one sucks, but this is the truth of what actually hurts your kids or doesn't. Childhood trauma isn't misogynistic, it just is or is not.

report

10/20/2021 18:16

Subject: Incident with kids/Seperation

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not answering any critically important questions like 'how did she find out this is happening?'

Having that fight in front of the kids was exponentially worse for the kids regardless of the severity of the incident. OP travelling to the scene to start that fight IMO puts her automatically in the wrong. And it makes me think she puts the kids in the middle frequently.

I’d bet he called her about a finding a spare key or valet key. That or the kids called her and were upset. Possibly quite upset.

My parents were divorced and hated each other. And from that perspective, one of the worst things OP could have possibly done in the face of her kid's genuine upsetness is teach them that calling her means she will come and cause a huge public scene that they will feel responsible for creating.

Personally, I think the danger here is overblown, but even if it wasn't, what OP did helped no one, it made no one safer, it just exposed her kids to a nasty fight and one they were likely embarrassed even more by because it happened in public and in front of Grandma. She made it so her kids are less likely to call her in the future, because they will feel naturally protective and loving towards both parents and feel like they cannot talk to either about the other anymore.

Much better to walk on eggshells around incapable husband and let kids bake in a locked car or get hit in a parking lot.

The husband is an idiot here, multiple ways to Sunday. He’s lucky the police and CPs were not called, although insurance may have to. Don’t blame the mom, the only adult with a brain that day, for coming, and then getting yelled at by incapable, abusive dad.