Be honest, is this why 3 kids seems to be the new magic number?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This confirms my belief that people who intentionally have more than 2 children are nuts or stupid.

Yeah it's not the people jumping to conclusions about stranger's motivation on the internet. Status symbol?? A child? Who in the world thinks like that?

Those people are weird too, but you 3+ are still nutso

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's why I have 5 kids. I'm winning at evolution

You might have three duds.

The right way:

Have one. Is s/he a dud? If yes, have a second.

So on and so forth.

- signed the baby of the family

Ha, baby here. I'm the star, and the one who cared for my parents until the end.

[Anonymous]

Three is a magic number
Yes it is, it's a magic number
Somewhere in that ancient mystic trinity
You get three as a magic number...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd consider three if I could afford them and hire someone else to take care of them.

I have a friend like this. She is a lawyer who works long hours. She typically saw her kids maybe thirty minutes in the morning and thirty minutes in the evening. The nanny was responsible for bathing, feeding, dressing them. So my friend just had to play with them a little in the morning and evening. Then the nanny would also sometimes work part time on the weekends, too.
Seemed like a sweet deal till covid hit. Then she and her husband (who travels a lot for work) had to take care of them all by themselves. Well, at first the nanny joined them in the country house. But then the nanny left (gee I wonder why?) and she and hubby had to take care of them, along with some grandparent help. OMG the whining. The horrors of having to actually care for your own children! I never got why she had THREE given how little time she and her husband have to care for them.

I grew up with some families like this with 3 kids and by and large, 2 were duds and 1 was successful, but also really messed up? High achieving but weird relationship issues.

[Anonymous]

As a middle child who is now in therapy (I’m not a dud I just have issues) I can say with confidence that spreading your finite resources across more children is a terrible way to facilitate those kids being successful by whatever metric you measure success. Not just money but parental time and attention. Some people pull it off either because they are extraordinary, above average parents or because they got lucky with family dynamics (like with one or two kids who are really chill).

I knew I wasn’t cut out to navigate that so I stopped at one kid. I think it’s selfish to have more kids than you feel confident you can parent well.

[Anonymous]

So I think three is trend because older moms who aren’t sure if they want a third don’t really have much time to wait. They miss the baby phase but can’t say well let’s wait 4-6 years so they have a third as a now or never thing.

[Anonymous]

I wanted five when I got married and my husband wanted two. We had one and our family felt immediately complete. I can’t imagine basing the number of children I have on a “magic” number or “best equation.”

[Anonymous]

I assumed "just in case" meant death.

Pretty sure your friend was joking.

[Anonymous]

I have four. I found having three to be the most challenging for some reason as far as balance. Number four was an oops but not terribly difficult as far as an added responsibility. I guess by the time he came along, I had a rhythm.

My kids are all young adults now, and I never once thought about duds and spare tires and whatever. Children go through too many phases to expect that you will know who will turn out as the success and vice versa. I'm glad this blizzard thought pattern never crossed my mind. It would have been distracting to have been quietly monitoring the dud amongst them 🙄.

[Anonymous]

* bizarre not blizzard

[Anonymous]

I knew I wanted 3 before I had any. I guess they were all not “duds” in that the first two weren’t so challenging/SN to deter me from continuing.

[Anonymous]

3 isn’t a “new” magic number. 3/4 kids was a totally standard number of kids to have until basically our parents decided in the 80s that 2 kids was the standard. Now everyone who wants 3 has to make up “a reason.”

[Anonymous]

What if you get two or three duds instead of one?

[Anonymous]

I strongly believe that one if your jobs as a parent is to believe in your child’s innate value and the idea that they have an important role in the world. No matter what, even if they are an addict or can’t keep a job or find functional relationships, I think it is your job to keep the faith that they will figure it out, that they matter and they’re life will matter.

So the idea of thinking if your children as “duds”, even hypothetical, is an abdication of your parenting role IMO. Your job is not to be an objective judge of your kid’s success. Other people will do that without being asked. Your job is to do the thing other people will probably not do— be a totally subjective, biased, suppporter and cheerleader. Don’t enable, but always keep faith.

[Anonymous]

I only have one child, and I guess he would be considered a "dud" to many of you since he is mildly intellectually disabled.

I stopped at one partially to make sure I had enough time and resources to care for him. He has turned out to be a wonderful young man.

My friend has 4 children she adores. But none have graduated from college and are just meandering their way through life.

So much for numbers.