9 years of travel socce for DC, I regret it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, thanks for this post. My DS is early in the travel journey and we're debating whether this is a good decision or not. We already plan so much time around his sports' schedule that I can't imagine what it'll be like heading to SC/NC for weekends, too. At present, the kids all do well academically so I'd like to focus on that. Even if DS is good enough to play D3, what's the point in that? He'd spend so much time in practice and games that he'd miss out on the academics of college.

I think our kids would gain just as much athleticism and love of team sports playing on a lower tier team with less commitment as playing travel. I'm planning to get out while we still can and spend that extra time and money on academics and family time.

How he spends his time in college is really up to him.

While kids activities should not be indulged beyond the families financial or real logistical or time constraints but purposely holding a kid back from their potential only closes opportunities later. I don't know if your son can play D3, D2 or D1 and it may not even matter to him but it is best to let him drive his ambition within the boundaries of what your family can reasonably accommodate.

This comment negates all the other comments of all the good things kids/adults get from playing sports, as if playing professionally is the only good outcome. Played D3 sports, stayed in amazing shape, had a great group of built-in friends. So much positive from playing for the joy of playing, and remained Dean's List and have done very well profressionally. I find this comment so odd.

+1 I totally agree with the PP. Playing professionally - even playing D1 - are not the only positive outcomes of playing a sport in college. I played D3 sports and it was honestly one of the best life decisions I have ever made. I thrived both athetically and academically (it is not one or the other) and made life-long friends with whom I'm still close decades later. These were the friends I made the first week I was at school starting soccer practice before any of the other students arrived. To look at playing in college only through the lens of whether someone will play professionally or D1 is just so screwed up. There is so much more to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, thanks for this post. My DS is early in the travel journey and we're debating whether this is a good decision or not. We already plan so much time around his sports' schedule that I can't imagine what it'll be like heading to SC/NC for weekends, too. At present, the kids all do well academically so I'd like to focus on that. Even if DS is good enough to play D3, what's the point in that? He'd spend so much time in practice and games that he'd miss out on the academics of college.

I think our kids would gain just as much athleticism and love of team sports playing on a lower tier team with less commitment as playing travel. I'm planning to get out while we still can and spend that extra time and money on academics and family time.

How he spends his time in college is really up to him.

While kids activities should not be indulged beyond the families financial or real logistical or time constraints but purposely holding a kid back from their potential only closes opportunities later. I don't know if your son can play D3, D2 or D1 and it may not even matter to him but it is best to let him drive his ambition within the boundaries of what your family can reasonably accommodate.

This comment negates all the other comments of all the good things kids/adults get from playing sports, as if playing professionally is the only good outcome. Played D3 sports, stayed in amazing shape, had a great group of built-in friends. So much positive from playing for the joy of playing, and remained Dean's List and have done very well profressionally. I find this comment so odd.

+1 I totally agree with the PP. Playing professionally - even playing D1 - are not the only positive outcomes of playing a sport in college. I played D3 sports and it was honestly one of the best life decisions I have ever made. I thrived both athetically and academically (it is not one or the other) and made life-long friends with whom I'm still close decades later. These were the friends I made the first week I was at school starting soccer practice before any of the other students arrived. To look at playing in college only through the lens of whether someone will play professionally or D1 is just so screwed up. There is so much more to it.

I wrote the reply to the bolded. You are either talking about the OP or misinterpreted what my point was. I believe the player should pursue their ambition, my only constraint is that there are real world realities that may prevent some families from pursuing their soccer ambition. There is tremendous value in playing team sports as long as one can. Not the least of which is competing is simply fun.

[Anonymous]

There’s an article that I read a few years ago that showed a correlation between playing competitive sports and C-Level company executives especially for females. Sports does teach & prepare a person for the corporate world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- I get it.

We moved my oldest around to avoid so much of the 'bad' and poor coaching/training or just toxic sidelines/environment. It was a constant reassessment from U9 to current U16/17. 3 Clubs (1 club against better instincts went back at one point and the same unbelievable crap again--live and learn). As a parent, it is so frustrating to watch and see. The thing that kept me going was my kid's passion for the sport. He truly loves soccer. And, boy, did he get sh*t on and hoodwinked by a coach/club or two over the years. My husband was always dramatic 'Why TF do we have him in this sport?! He should wrestle or box, (like he did ). I never dwelled on it (well I seethed inside, drank wine and watched as some of those ppl flamed out or got fired down the road--but tried to hide this from him). I always told my kid: things happen for a reason. What may seem like a huge disappointment/bad break, ultimately can turn out to be a good thing. That was soooo, sooo true for him. A cut or demotion, caused him to seek training opportunities and new teams that he never would have made. He took a really circuitous route compared to many of his friends, neighbors in his development, not chasing the 'name or league'.

The pay out now as a Sophomore/16 year old is truly amazing. His development and growth as a player never would have happened if everything was 'given' or worked out from the time he was an 8 year old. He went abroad, he found a true mentor, he had to work twice as hard, etc. He now is on the radar at a few top D1 schools and doing amazing this season. The kid that got benched, got demoted (after being a starter/play the whole game) over bench sitters or the next 'shiny' thing. Seeing him now compared to some of those kids is so striking.

Was the travel and time so far worth it? For him, yes, even if my spouse and I question the time. It developed grit in all areas of his life. And things not being 'easy' really have benefited him. Perseverance and hard work and believing in yourself (and at least one true mentor--his very first coach he only had for 7 months that has kept up with him all these years and checked in and trained and rooted for him, etc).

I always tried to make him see it's not all about soccer and he is a great student too with many other interests, but 'futbol is life '. I remember talking to a friend who was a major star athlete, professional player in another sport and saying much along the lines of what OP said, 'is this worth it. soccer in the US is such crap, nothing will come of this, blah, blah'. He took a sip of his beer and said "But he thinks he can do it'. That has stuck with me for a long time. His point being, if it comes from within and they believe in themselves- who am I to sh*t on that? I played the sport for a very long time myself and I knew when I was done. The kids know too and will tell you if they aren't playing solely to appease you over time. I see so many parents forcing things down the kids throat and obsessing after the game (during the game), the kid looks scared to make a mistake because dad will be pissed. I never talk about what my kid did wrong or if he 'wasn't on'. They always knew. I changed the subject, made light of it. Something along the lines of, everyone has a bad day once in awhile..and then moved on with the day.

p.s. my kid was never on those teams either. Sometimes the best development is found elsewhere, particularly for late growers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I get it.

We moved my oldest around to avoid so much of the 'bad' and poor coaching/training or just toxic sidelines/environment. It was a constant reassessment from U9 to current U16/17. 3 Clubs (1 club against better instincts went back at one point and the same unbelievable crap again--live and learn). As a parent, it is so frustrating to watch and see. The thing that kept me going was my kid's passion for the sport. He truly loves soccer. And, boy, did he get sh*t on and hoodwinked by a coach/club or two over the years. My husband was always dramatic 'Why TF do we have him in this sport?! He should wrestle or box, (like he did ). I never dwelled on it (well I seethed inside, drank wine and watched as some of those ppl flamed out or got fired down the road--but tried to hide this from him). I always told my kid: things happen for a reason. What may seem like a huge disappointment/bad break, ultimately can turn out to be a good thing. That was soooo, sooo true for him. A cut or demotion, caused him to seek training opportunities and new teams that he never would have made. He took a really circuitous route compared to many of his friends, neighbors in his development, not chasing the 'name or league'.

The pay out now as a Sophomore/16 year old is truly amazing. His development and growth as a player never would have happened if everything was 'given' or worked out from the time he was an 8 year old. He went abroad, he found a true mentor, he had to work twice as hard, etc. He now is on the radar at a few top D1 schools and doing amazing this season. The kid that got benched, got demoted (after being a starter/play the whole game) over bench sitters or the next 'shiny' thing. Seeing him now compared to some of those kids is so striking.

Was the travel and time so far worth it? For him, yes, even if my spouse and I question the time. It developed grit in all areas of his life. And things not being 'easy' really have benefited him. Perseverance and hard work and believing in yourself (and at least one true mentor--his very first coach he only had for 7 months that has kept up with him all these years and checked in and trained and rooted for him, etc).

I always tried to make him see it's not all about soccer and he is a great student too with many other interests, but 'futbol is life '. I remember talking to a friend who was a major star athlete, professional player in another sport and saying much along the lines of what OP said, 'is this worth it. soccer in the US is such crap, nothing will come of this, blah, blah'. He took a sip of his beer and said "But he thinks he can do it'. That has stuck with me for a long time. His point being, if it comes from within and they believe in themselves- who am I to sh*t on that? I played the sport for a very long time myself and I knew when I was done. The kids know too and will tell you if they aren't playing solely to appease you over time. I see so many parents forcing things down the kids throat and obsessing after the game (during the game), the kid looks scared to make a mistake because dad will be pissed. I never talk about what my kid did wrong or if he 'wasn't on'. They always knew. I changed the subject, made light of it. Something along the lines of, everyone has a bad day once in awhile..and then moved on with the day.

p.s. my kid was never on those teams either. Sometimes the best development is found elsewhere, particularly for late growers

This was beauitfully said, for the beautiful game. Study the College leagues . . .does he want to be TOP GUN in NESCAC (academic but D3) or TOP GUN in Patriot (D1, academic and great alumni networks).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this discussion is flawed. It is discussing each child who plays travel sports as if they are all the same when they are not. You may have a child who loves to play baseball and your neighbor may have a child who loves[b] to play baseball. Your neighbor's kid may be that kid who can't wait to get to practice, comes home from practice and asks to throw the ball so more on the front lawn, watches the sport on tv every day, laments that it is raining and his game is canceled. Your neighbor is in a different position than you are. You have the ability to gently guide your child to another activity. Other kids would feel that loss so much deeper. It really depends on what type of child you have.

Yeah, this discussion is foreign to me. My kid on his own goes into the backyard and practices hours every day. I am the one telling him he has to stop, not pushing him. He lives and breathes his sport.

Not all players are like this, and not all players that are like your son will have interested parents that register them for a travel team. There are players on your DC team that only play soccer at practice and matches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this discussion is flawed. It is discussing each child who plays travel sports as if they are all the same when they are not. You may have a child who loves to play baseball and your neighbor may have a child who loves[b] to play baseball. Your neighbor's kid may be that kid who can't wait to get to practice, comes home from practice and asks to throw the ball so more on the front lawn, watches the sport on tv every day, laments that it is raining and his game is canceled. Your neighbor is in a different position than you are. You have the ability to gently guide your child to another activity. Other kids would feel that loss so much deeper. It really depends on what type of child you have.

Yeah, this discussion is foreign to me. My kid on his own goes into the backyard and practices hours every day. I am the one telling him he has to stop, not pushing him. He lives and breathes his sport.

Not all players are like this, and not all players that are like your son will have interested parents that register them for a travel team. There are players on your DC team that only play soccer at practice and matches.

But that’s the point. Know your kid. I have one of those lives/breathes soccer kids — switched clubs to get more competitive environment twice during childhood and currently playing D1 at a top academic school. I also have a kid who liked soccer and played on our local travel team for his entire childhood and played varsity and that was it. Plays pickup every once in a while and his best friends are from soccer. The different thing for us was that the older kid was the easygoing one and the younger kid was the driven one, so it was reallly easy for us to see the difference between the I WANT THIS energy and the ‘this is cool’ energy. You adjust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s an article that I read a few years ago that showed a correlation between playing competitive sports and C-Level company executives especially for females. Sports does teach & prepare a person for the corporate world.

That’s disgusting. As if being a C-level executive is the measure of success. You’re such a capitalist.

Ha. I am kidding, but figured I’d offer a preemptive strike to some of the common posters on this board. Seriously, your point is very good. Sports breed confidence, discipline, a competitive spirit and teamwork. Great life lessons for kids. The OP should think about the positives and not the time and money. The time and money are sacrifices for your kid. They only get 5-10 years of their life to enjoy and experience sports like this. 10% or less of their life. Let them have it and let yourself enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s an article that I read a few years ago that showed a correlation between playing competitive sports and C-Level company executives especially for females. Sports does teach & prepare a person for the corporate world.

That’s disgusting. As if being a C-level executive is the measure of success. You’re such a capitalist.

Ha. I am kidding, but figured I’d offer a preemptive strike to some of the common posters on this board. Seriously, your point is very good. Sports breed confidence, discipline, a competitive spirit and teamwork. Great life lessons for kids. The OP should think about the positives and not the time and money. The time and money are sacrifices for your kid. They only get 5-10 years of their life to enjoy and experience sports like this. 10% or less of their life. Let them have it and let yourself enjoy it.

I’m the PP. Besides breeding confidence, hard work, time management, accountability, etc., sports get a player to have better/healthy diets and exercise.

In addition, it allows a lot of family time/bonding, teaching moments and priceless memories. Soccer has definitely allowed me to connect & bond with my U14 DD so much more. Again, regret & disappointment is based upon what expectation you set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s an article that I read a few years ago that showed a correlation between playing competitive sports and C-Level company executives especially for females. Sports does teach & prepare a person for the corporate world.

That’s disgusting. As if being a C-level executive is the measure of success. You’re such a capitalist.

Ha. I am kidding, but figured I’d offer a preemptive strike to some of the common posters on this board. Seriously, your point is very good. Sports breed confidence, discipline, a competitive spirit and teamwork. Great life lessons for kids. The OP should think about the positives and not the time and money. The time and money are sacrifices for your kid. They only get 5-10 years of their life to enjoy and experience sports like this. 10% or less of their life. Let them have it and let yourself enjoy it.

I’m the PP. Besides breeding confidence, hard work, time management, accountability, etc., sports get a player to have better/healthy diets and exercise.

In addition, it allows a lot of family time/bonding, teaching moments and priceless memories. Soccer has definitely allowed me to connect & bond with my U14 DD so much more. Again, regret & disappointment is based upon what expectation you set.

You're both missing the point. No one is arguing against playing sports. Sports are great. The issue at hand is travel sports teams, in particular, and the time and money spent in that venture as opposed to a lower tier team. There are hundreds of soccer teams in this region and not all of them require fees and time commitment at the same level of ECNL/travel while still offering kids the experience to compete and play with friends. It's not travel or nothing. There's a ton in between which people on this board seem to dismiss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son plays a different travel sport, but I agree that a lot of it was a waste of my time, money and life energy. I do regret a lot of the outlay in money & family time for 1 kid. Other kid is playing a less competitive team that's cheaper & local.

Other than the expense I can never relate to watching my kids play in any activity as a waste of my time. They ARE my time.

Watching any sport practice is boring as hell.

I'm sure you will be a happier person when your kids move out.

Why would you say that? I love my kids. I love watching their games/meets. But their practices are boring. I’m somehow a lesser parent who can’t wait for my kids to leave because o can admit that? Bit of a stretch, don’t you think?

[Anonymous]

You are looking for an ROI for a sport, measure it in fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who else feels like this?

Spent $30k on club, team fees, training alone

Spent 3,000 hours alone on practices and matches

My DC has not made long term friendships on any of the teams

The coaches never seemed to be interested enough

My other kids have had to keep some of their activities to a minimum because of the oldest. I don't blame anyone but myself for this, though.

My DC loves soccer, but he is not good enough to play past high school or maybe D2/D3, but those colleges aren't good academically anyway.

This season DC is on the top team of his club, ECNL-RL though but like I said if he were to make an ECNL team, he would not get much game time. The coach is really interested in my DC as a player as my child now says that after practice and matches he makes comments about child's playing style and what he could improve upon. My DC on this team plays with confidence and attempts 1v1 moves. My DC now is more friendly with other players.

I like that both of us are enjoying the experience right now, but hate that it took so long to finally find a place that was right for him.

I have decided this year will be the last one for him. He will be junior in HS next year and made the HS soccer team last year.

For those of you that have had 4-5 years in travel soccer, what has your experience been like so far? Enjoyed it, or miserably looking at next year and hoping your son will not want to do it?

That's a stupid comment right there. Bowdoin, Amherst, Wesleyan and Middlebury not good enough for you?

NP here and well, no, those are not good enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s an article that I read a few years ago that showed a correlation between playing competitive sports and C-Level company executives especially for females. Sports does teach & prepare a person for the corporate world.

That’s disgusting. As if being a C-level executive is the measure of success. You’re such a capitalist.

Ha. I am kidding, but figured I’d offer a preemptive strike to some of the common posters on this board. Seriously, your point is very good. Sports breed confidence, discipline, a competitive spirit and teamwork. Great life lessons for kids. The OP should think about the positives and not the time and money. The time and money are sacrifices for your kid. They only get 5-10 years of their life to enjoy and experience sports like this. 10% or less of their life. Let them have it and let yourself enjoy it.

I’m the PP. Besides breeding confidence, hard work, time management, accountability, etc., sports get a player to have better/healthy diets and exercise.

In addition, it allows a lot of family time/bonding, teaching moments and priceless memories. Soccer has definitely allowed me to connect & bond with my U14 DD so much more. Again, regret & disappointment is based upon what expectation you set.

You're both missing the point. No one is arguing against playing sports. Sports are great. The issue at hand is travel sports teams, in particular, and the time and money spent in that venture as opposed to a lower tier team. There are hundreds of soccer teams in this region and not all of them require fees and time commitment at the same level of ECNL/travel while still offering kids the experience to compete and play with friends. It's not travel or nothing. There's a ton in between which people on this board seem to dismiss.

Nobody has promoted or devalued any particular level of travel sport at all in this thread. It has pretty much been about the time spent first and foremost. There has been some arguments about the futility of playing soccer in college and that was a non youth league discussion as it simply pertained to the value of playing sports even in college if possible.

Keep in mind, the OP is a parent of a current HS sophomore and is stating that they will pull their kid from travel soccer after this year. This was never a league discussion thread but a "value of playing sports thread".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who else feels like this?

Spent $30k on club, team fees, training alone

Spent 3,000 hours alone on practices and matches

My DC has not made long term friendships on any of the teams

The coaches never seemed to be interested enough

My other kids have had to keep some of their activities to a minimum because of the oldest. I don't blame anyone but myself for this, though.

My DC loves soccer, but he is not good enough to play past high school or maybe D2/D3, but those colleges aren't good academically anyway.

This season DC is on the top team of his club, ECNL-RL though but like I said if he were to make an ECNL team, he would not get much game time. The coach is really interested in my DC as a player as my child now says that after practice and matches he makes comments about child's playing style and what he could improve upon. My DC on this team plays with confidence and attempts 1v1 moves. My DC now is more friendly with other players.

I like that both of us are enjoying the experience right now, but hate that it took so long to finally find a place that was right for him.

I have decided this year will be the last one for him. He will be junior in HS next year and made the HS soccer team last year.

For those of you that have had 4-5 years in travel soccer, what has your experience been like so far? Enjoyed it, or miserably looking at next year and hoping your son will not want to do it?

That's a stupid comment right there. Bowdoin, Amherst, Wesleyan and Middlebury not good enough for you?

NP here and well, no, those are not good enough.

DCUM has lost its mind. Truly.