9 years of travel socce for DC, I regret it

[Anonymous]

Who else feels like this?

Spent $30k on club, team fees, training alone

Spent 3,000 hours alone on practices and matches

My DC has not made long term friendships on any of the teams

The coaches never seemed to be interested enough

My other kids have had to keep some of their activities to a minimum because of the oldest. I don't blame anyone but myself for this, though.

My DC loves soccer, but he is not good enough to play past high school or maybe D2/D3, but those colleges aren't good academically anyway.

This season DC is on the top team of his club, ECNL-RL though but like I said if he were to make an ECNL team, he would not get much game time. The coach is really interested in my DC as a player as my child now says that after practice and matches he makes comments about child's playing style and what he could improve upon. My DC on this team plays with confidence and attempts 1v1 moves. My DC now is more friendly with other players.

I like that both of us are enjoying the experience right now, but hate that it took so long to finally find a place that was right for him.

I have decided this year will be the last one for him. He will be junior in HS next year and made the HS soccer team last year.

For those of you that have had 4-5 years in travel soccer, what has your experience been like so far? Enjoyed it, or miserably looking at next year and hoping your son will not want to do it?

[Anonymous]

I think you are overthinkiing things. I ask my son what he wants to do, accept the spot or not. He is old enough to make a decision about what he wants to do. If he wants to put his time and energy towards travel soccer, great. We have only one kid and earn decent salaries, so why not? If he wanted to drop it and do something else, that would be ok too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who else feels like this?

Spent $30k on club, team fees, training alone

Spent 3,000 hours alone on practices and matches

My DC has not made long term friendships on any of the teams

The coaches never seemed to be interested enough

My other kids have had to keep some of their activities to a minimum because of the oldest. I don't blame anyone but myself for this, though.

My DC loves soccer, but he is not good enough to play past high school or maybe D2/D3, but those colleges aren't good academically anyway.

This season DC is on the top team of his club, ECNL-RL though but like I said if he were to make an ECNL team, he would not get much game time. The coach is really interested in my DC as a player as my child now says that after practice and matches he makes comments about child's playing style and what he could improve upon. My DC on this team plays with confidence and attempts 1v1 moves. My DC now is more friendly with other players.

I like that both of us are enjoying the experience right now, but hate that it took so long to finally find a place that was right for him.

I have decided this year will be the last one for him. He will be junior in HS next year and made the HS soccer team last year.

For those of you that have had 4-5 years in travel soccer, what has your experience been like so far? Enjoyed it, or miserably looking at next year and hoping your son will not want to do it?

It is likely a mixed bag for many all around but ultimately for the kid to decide.

There are things I regret giving up but there is no doubt that I have actually spent more time with my kids this way. I have also met many people who I consider friends.

Would I like a few more 3 day weekends back absolutely but I will never regret the time spent watching my kids play, train, laugh, win, lose and struggle. Watching them compete in a game and training gives me some insight into the type of adults they will become.

[Anonymous]

The kid who is doing the travel sport dominates the family. I have a son who plays travel hockey and I question it pretty regularly. My husband is very invested in him doing it though.

You do think about what you could have done with the time and money and what the siblings might have done if this wasn't dominating family energy.

[Anonymous]

You approach this very differently than I do. I would never say something like "I have decided this will be the last one for him." I don't decide what sports my teen son plays, and I don't decide at what level. He decides what he wants to play and at what level, and then we have a discussion about whether we can afford it both in money and time. It has never - not for one second - been about which college he can get into. It is about how much he loves to play his two sports.

Having said that, your comment that D2/D3 colleges aren't good academically...that's a head scratcher. Most small liberal arts colleges - many ranked very highly and accepting a tiny percentage of applicants - are D3. They are great choices for a kid who adores their sport but wants to put academics first. I hope my baseball obsessed kid ends up at one of them so baseball goes not become his entire focus.

[Anonymous]

Don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like your son is enjoying his time playing soccer, and before long his playing "career" will be over and both of you will have memories of the fun and the good times.

I enjoy watching my boys and don't regret any of the time I spent watching their games and practices; I do not sit around on the sofa watching other men play professional sports.

The important thing is to listen to your kid and let him decide whether and how much he wants to play and train. It's up to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who else feels like this?

Spent $30k on club, team fees, training alone

Spent 3,000 hours alone on practices and matches

My DC has not made long term friendships on any of the teams

The coaches never seemed to be interested enough

My other kids have had to keep some of their activities to a minimum because of the oldest. I don't blame anyone but myself for this, though.

My DC loves soccer, but he is not good enough to play past high school or maybe D2/D3, but those colleges aren't good academically anyway.

This season DC is on the top team of his club, ECNL-RL though but like I said if he were to make an ECNL team, he would not get much game time. The coach is really interested in my DC as a player as my child now says that after practice and matches he makes comments about child's playing style and what he could improve upon. My DC on this team plays with confidence and attempts 1v1 moves. My DC now is more friendly with other players.

I like that both of us are enjoying the experience right now, but hate that it took so long to finally find a place that was right for him.

I have decided this year will be the last one for him. He will be junior in HS next year and made the HS soccer team last year.

For those of you that have had 4-5 years in travel soccer, what has your experience been like so far? Enjoyed it, or miserably looking at next year and hoping your son will not want to do it?

That's messed up. You push him for nine years and then don't give him any input on when he ends it? Your relationship sounds toxic.

[Anonymous]

It is incorrect that D3 schools aren’t good academically. Here are some D3 schools:

MIT
Amherst
Williams
Swarthmore
Middlebury
CalTech
Tufts

These are schools with single digit admission rates. And basically every SLAC is D3. If your child wants to play in college it can be a huge admissions hook to great schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who else feels like this?

Spent $30k on club, team fees, training alone

Spent 3,000 hours alone on practices and matches

My DC has not made long term friendships on any of the teams

The coaches never seemed to be interested enough

My other kids have had to keep some of their activities to a minimum because of the oldest. I don't blame anyone but myself for this, though.

My DC loves soccer, but he is not good enough to play past high school or maybe D2/D3, but those colleges aren't good academically anyway.

This season DC is on the top team of his club, ECNL-RL though but like I said if he were to make an ECNL team, he would not get much game time. The coach is really interested in my DC as a player as my child now says that after practice and matches he makes comments about child's playing style and what he could improve upon. My DC on this team plays with confidence and attempts 1v1 moves. My DC now is more friendly with other players.

I like that both of us are enjoying the experience right now, but hate that it took so long to finally find a place that was right for him.

I have decided this year will be the last one for him. He will be junior in HS next year and made the HS soccer team last year.

For those of you that have had 4-5 years in travel soccer, what has your experience been like so far? Enjoyed it, or miserably looking at next year and hoping your son will not want to do it?

That's a stupid comment right there. Bowdoin, Amherst, Wesleyan and Middlebury not good enough for you?

[Anonymous]

So you say you finally found a place that was right for him and then you are going to make it his last year? Damn, that's pretty cold. If he still enjoys playing club then suck it up and let him play. Sounds like you were a club jumper and that's why he doesn't have any long term friends. Sometimes the grass isn't always greener.

[Anonymous]

OP- I get it.

We moved my oldest around to avoid so much of the 'bad' and poor coaching/training or just toxic sidelines/environment. It was a constant reassessment from U9 to current U16/17. 3 Clubs (1 club against better instincts went back at one point and the same unbelievable crap again--live and learn). As a parent, it is so frustrating to watch and see. The thing that kept me going was my kid's passion for the sport. He truly loves soccer. And, boy, did he get sh*t on and hoodwinked by a coach/club or two over the years. My husband was always dramatic 'Why TF do we have him in this sport?! He should wrestle or box, (like he did ). I never dwelled on it (well I seethed inside, drank wine and watched as some of those ppl flamed out or got fired down the road--but tried to hide this from him). I always told my kid: things happen for a reason. What may seem like a huge disappointment/bad break, ultimately can turn out to be a good thing. That was soooo, sooo true for him. A cut or demotion, caused him to seek training opportunities and new teams that he never would have made. He took a really circuitous route compared to many of his friends, neighbors in his development, not chasing the 'name or league'.

The pay out now as a Sophomore/16 year old is truly amazing. His development and growth as a player never would have happened if everything was 'given' or worked out from the time he was an 8 year old. He went abroad, he found a true mentor, he had to work twice as hard, etc. He now is on the radar at a few top D1 schools and doing amazing this season. The kid that got benched, got demoted (after being a starter/play the whole game) over bench sitters or the next 'shiny' thing. Seeing him now compared to some of those kids is so striking.

Was the travel and time so far worth it? For him, yes, even if my spouse and I question the time. It developed grit in all areas of his life. And things not being 'easy' really have benefited him. Perseverance and hard work and believing in yourself (and at least one true mentor--his very first coach he only had for 7 months that has kept up with him all these years and checked in and trained and rooted for him, etc).

I always tried to make him see it's not all about soccer and he is a great student too with many other interests, but 'futbol is life '. I remember talking to a friend who was a major star athlete, professional player in another sport and saying much along the lines of what OP said, 'is this worth it. soccer in the US is such crap, nothing will come of this, blah, blah'. He took a sip of his beer and said "But he thinks he can do it'. That has stuck with me for a long time. His point being, if it comes from within and they believe in themselves- who am I to sh*t on that? I played the sport for a very long time myself and I knew when I was done. The kids know too and will tell you if they aren't playing solely to appease you over time. I see so many parents forcing things down the kids throat and obsessing after the game (during the game), the kid looks scared to make a mistake because dad will be pissed. I never talk about what my kid did wrong or if he 'wasn't on'. They always knew. I changed the subject, made light of it. Something along the lines of, everyone has a bad day once in awhile..and then moved on with the day.

p.s. my kid was never on those teams either. Sometimes the best development is found elsewhere, particularly for late growers.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I dont get why families put themselves through this hell. Just let your kid play for their high school teams. No driving. They play with their friends, etc. And I agree the amount that the driving to practice and games can affect the other kids in the family is unfair.

And before anyone brings up college aid, just think how much thirty thousand invested over the years would be now.

If your kid can drive himself and you can afford to make a car available to him and he really wants to continue, let him. But parents should not feel obligated to spend hours driving their kids to play sports. I have a friend who complains that she "has" to get up at 445am to drive her kid to swim practice. No, she does not HAVE to do that. She CHOOSES to do that, and I for one would never do that.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the comments! I actually didn't mean to put down any colleges, we are looking to stay in Virginia for college though, so that was my mindset and I didn't mention it in the post.

For deciding for my child, I think at this point I still have that authority. What will happen is my DD will now not have to choose her ballet or softball and other activities around her older brothers soccer practice schedule. We said no to her this year because the activities she wanted were exactly on the days my oldest practiced. Can't split myself in two so she joined rec soccer on the days my oldest practiced. Not a terrible outcome, but it wasn't what she wanted. My youngest is 5 yo and is glad to be out and spending time with other kids, so he is fine for now.

While I don't regret having spent time with my DS at practices or games, if you honestly look at it, I really wasn't spending time with him. He was at practice and I was on the sidelines. I have had a chance to go for runs so I'm not just sitting, but I could do that in my neighborhood park after actually having spent time with my children. To be clear, the fact that we wouldn't do travel soccer doesn't mean I would not spend time with them, in fact we would spend more time together.

[Anonymous]

The D3 comment is so wrong.

It’s early to say your kid can only play at the d2 and 3 level. And if he does, so what? Some play at D1 and never see the field during games.

Be fair to your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who else feels like this?

Spent $30k on club, team fees, training alone

Spent 3,000 hours alone on practices and matches

My DC has not made long term friendships on any of the teams

The coaches never seemed to be interested enough

My other kids have had to keep some of their activities to a minimum because of the oldest. I don't blame anyone but myself for this, though.

My DC loves soccer, but he is not good enough to play past high school or maybe D2/D3, but those colleges aren't good academically anyway.

This season DC is on the top team of his club, ECNL-RL though but like I said if he were to make an ECNL team, he would not get much game time. The coach is really interested in my DC as a player as my child now says that after practice and matches he makes comments about child's playing style and what he could improve upon. My DC on this team plays with confidence and attempts 1v1 moves. My DC now is more friendly with other players.

I like that both of us are enjoying the experience right now, but hate that it took so long to finally find a place that was right for him.

I have decided this year will be the last one for him. He will be junior in HS next year and made the HS soccer team last year.

For those of you that have had 4-5 years in travel soccer, what has your experience been like so far? Enjoyed it, or miserably looking at next year and hoping your son will not want to do it?

What are you talking about?? there are many academically excellent schools that are D3:
https://recruiting.studentathleteworld.com/recruiting-101-blog/entry/best-academic-d3-schools