9 years of travel socce for DC, I regret it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My story is very similar to OP but zero regrets.

I'd rather have my kids playing sports (which they still love) learning discipline, commitment, being active and around other kids that love the sport, than all day at home doing nothing.

If only those weren’t the only two options. Oh, wait. They aren’t!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look at high school athletics from the perspective that it keeps them BUSY. No time for playing endless video games or getting into trouble. Often, a busy athlete is a better student because they learn to organize their academic life. Bonus: they stay in shape too. Think positive OP.

It's funny that this is so many people's attitudes. I was not a busy kid (teen). But, I also wasn't a trouble maker or a couch potato.

100%. The only thing that kept me off drugs in HS was that I had soccer practice. No joke, sports saved me. I have a curious and mischievous mind.

I'm glad to see you went down a better path, but what did sports do? To me, I would think if a kid wants to experiment with drugs they're going to no matter if they are busy or not.

Not true. Ever heard the saying "An idle mind is the devil's workshop"?

Only from my great aunt. Your kid does not need his life scheduled every minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are overthinkiing things. I ask my son what he wants to do, accept the spot or not. He is old enough to make a decision about what he wants to do. If he wants to put his time and energy towards travel soccer, great. We have only one kid and earn decent salaries, so why not? If he wanted to drop it and do something else, that would be ok too.

This "My other kids have had to keep some of their activities to a minimum because of the oldest. I don't blame anyone but myself for this, though."
I know you blame yourself for this, but why would you slight your other kids so the oldest can fulfill his desire to play soccer?

OP Here!

Thanks for the question! Essentially they let me know what activities they wanted to get into, specifically DD who is 7yo. Her dance/ballet classes she wanted directly conflicted with the days my son's travel team practiced. I thought about leaving my son at practice early, he is 15yo btw, but the two locations were about 10 mi apart so I would spend 3 of 5 weekdays traveling back and forth after work, hoping I didn't crash and nothing happened to my oldest at practice. I chose not to have that headache and my 7yo DD is currently doing rec soccer at the same club my oldest plays at.

You've changed your DDs age by two years. And I cannot roll my eyes hard enough at "hoping I didn't crash."

But whatever, go ahead and sink your relationship with what I sincerely hope is your imaginary son.

No, she didn’t. She has at least three kids. Reading is fundamental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the comments! I actually didn't mean to put down any colleges, we are looking to stay in Virginia for college though, so that was my mindset and I didn't mention it in the post.

For deciding for my child, I think at this point I still have that authority. What will happen is my DD will now not have to choose her ballet or softball and other activities around her older brothers soccer practice schedule. We said no to her this year because the activities she wanted were exactly on the days my oldest practiced. Can't split myself in two so she joined rec soccer on the days my oldest practiced. Not a terrible outcome, but it wasn't what she wanted. My youngest is 5 yo and is glad to be out and spending time with other kids, so he is fine for now.

While I don't regret having spent time with my DS at practices or games, if you honestly look at it, I really wasn't spending time with him. He was at practice and I was on the sidelines. I have had a chance to go for runs so I'm not just sitting, but I could do that in my neighborhood park after actually having spent time with my children. To be clear, the fact that we wouldn't do travel soccer doesn't mean I would not spend time with them, in fact we would spend more time together.

Sure you have the authority. Obviously you do. But after nine years of pushing a kid, it is a toxic approach to ending his soccer career for him. You made that choice for him when he was little, he invested time and energy because of you, and now you are going to pull the rug from out under him? Are you trying to destroy your relationship? Make him resent his sibling, who is too young to even remember any activities?

He is a junior. He isn't a little kid. Involve him in the decision. Maybe he will find a way to get to practice on his own. Maybe he can drive. Your unilateral approach is terrible.

The DD who didn’t get to do dance or the things she wanted to do for years of her childhood isn’t “too young to remember any activities.” The 5 year old is a younger son.

God, you obsessive sports parents are gross,

And you are a ridiculous drama queen just like OP. "Years of her childhood?" The child is 7. She barely knows what ballet is.

Honestly I think basic executive functioning gets to the heart of this, and you and OP lack that basic skill. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are overthinkiing things. I ask my son what he wants to do, accept the spot or not. He is old enough to make a decision about what he wants to do. If he wants to put his time and energy towards travel soccer, great. We have only one kid and earn decent salaries, so why not? If he wanted to drop it and do something else, that would be ok too.

This "My other kids have had to keep some of their activities to a minimum because of the oldest. I don't blame anyone but myself for this, though."
I know you blame yourself for this, but why would you slight your other kids so the oldest can fulfill his desire to play soccer?

OP Here!

Thanks for the question! Essentially they let me know what activities they wanted to get into, specifically DD who is 7yo. Her dance/ballet classes she wanted directly conflicted with the days my son's travel team practiced. I thought about leaving my son at practice early, he is 15yo btw, but the two locations were about 10 mi apart so I would spend 3 of 5 weekdays traveling back and forth after work, hoping I didn't crash and nothing happened to my oldest at practice. I chose not to have that headache and my 7yo DD is currently doing rec soccer at the same club my oldest plays at.

You've changed your DDs age by two years. And I cannot roll my eyes hard enough at "hoping I didn't crash."

But whatever, go ahead and sink your relationship with what I sincerely hope is your imaginary son.

No, she didn’t. She has at least three kids. Reading is fundamental.

Fine, so OP is destroying her relationship with her son because she can't figure out what looks like an easy scheduling issue. Must be tough to go through life so on edge about stuff most people just manage without all the drama.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you a single mom? I also have 3 kids and between two
parents, our kids’ schedules are manageable. So if the kids have an active other parent, delegate. If not, I agree that your son should have a say in whether to continue or not and you should work with him so he can take himself around.

That said, is the reason you invested all this time and money into your son is because he was talented? Or did you think it was enough that he was decent, trainable and motivated and that with some choice resources, he could be really good? My kids all play soccer and one of them has shown talent and skill and motivation since he was a couple of years old and which continue to hold true now. But we are avoiding big clubs for now not only because of the expense and the distance but also because we can. There are lots of smaller clubs with high quality coaching and play where talented kids can continue to develop at their pace, get a lot of attention from coaches, make friends, and still enjoy the game.

I still don’t understand why parents pay huge club fees for their kids to play at lower tiered teams (that is, not the top A team) when there are so many other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look at high school athletics from the perspective that it keeps them BUSY. No time for playing endless video games or getting into trouble. Often, a busy athlete is a better student because they learn to organize their academic life. Bonus: they stay in shape too. Think positive OP.

It's funny that this is so many people's attitudes. I was not a busy kid (teen). But, I also wasn't a trouble maker or a couch potato.

100%. The only thing that kept me off drugs in HS was that I had soccer practice. No joke, sports saved me. I have a curious and mischievous mind.

I'm glad to see you went down a better path, but what did sports do? To me, I would think if a kid wants to experiment with drugs they're going to no matter if they are busy or not.

Not true. Ever heard the saying "An idle mind is the devil's workshop"?

I have. I’ve also heard that sitting on cold concrete gives you hemorrhoids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My story is very similar to OP but zero regrets.

I'd rather have my kids playing sports (which they still love) learning discipline, commitment, being active and around other kids that love the sport, than all day at home doing nothing.

If only those weren’t the only two options. Oh, wait. They aren’t!

This. There are lots of ways for kids to play sports and be active, even at high levels, without being on travel sports teams that dominate and disrupt the entire family. Travel sports are, honestly, a scam. Kids can play in local leagues and school leagues. If they are talented and you have the means, you can invest in private training. You don’t need to be spending every weekend in hotels for your kid to develop skills and a love for the sport. You definitely don’t need to do this to help your kid be active!

The worst part is that often siblings of the kid on a travel team are stuck doing nothing on these trips while their sibling is playing. How is that any different than sitting around at home all day? You think being in a car and then sitting around hotel rooms and athletic complexes are better for these kids than being home? No.

Sports are great. Travel sports are dumb investments for sucker parents who are too insecure, obsessive, and competitive to see that they are a waste of time and money. When I meet a kid in travel sports, I lose respect for their parents. Maybe one in a thousand, or one in ten thousand, of these kids is so talented and invested in that sport it’s worth it. But otherwise? What a dumb thing to spend money and precious family years on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My story is very similar to OP but zero regrets.

I'd rather have my kids playing sports (which they still love) learning discipline, commitment, being active and around other kids that love the sport, than all day at home doing nothing.

If only those weren’t the only two options. Oh, wait. They aren’t!

This. There are lots of ways for kids to play sports and be active, even at high levels, without being on travel sports teams that dominate and disrupt the entire family. Travel sports are, honestly, a scam. Kids can play in local leagues and school leagues. If they are talented and you have the means, you can invest in private training. You don’t need to be spending every weekend in hotels for your kid to develop skills and a love for the sport. You definitely don’t need to do this to help your kid be active!

The worst part is that often siblings of the kid on a travel team are stuck doing nothing on these trips while their sibling is playing. How is that any different than sitting around at home all day? You think being in a car and then sitting around hotel rooms and athletic complexes are better for these kids than being home? No.

Sports are great. Travel sports are dumb investments for sucker parents who are too insecure, obsessive, and competitive to see that they are a waste of time and money. When I meet a kid in travel sports, I lose respect for their parents. Maybe one in a thousand, or one in ten thousand, of these kids is so talented and invested in that sport it’s worth it. But otherwise? What a dumb thing to spend money and precious family years on.

So much of this is so factually wrong that I do not really know where to start, so let's just say that the travel parents are probably not very worried about the loss of your respect.

[Anonymous]

It is difficult for a person who has invested a lot of resources (time, energy, money) in an activity to admit that the resources were not well-spent. A person will defend their decisions so as to avoid the hit to their ego. It’s a very human reaction to criticism.

[Anonymous]

Whether or not someone's resources are wasted on youth activities is 100% subjective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is difficult for a person who has invested a lot of resources (time, energy, money) in an activity to admit that the resources were not well-spent. A person will defend their decisions so as to avoid the hit to their ego. It’s a very human reaction to criticism.

I find this response to any sort of criticism to be rhetorically useless. Saying "You only disagree with me because you did it or you paid for it" whether "it" is travel sports, dance, private school, theater, or whatever is just an attempt to shut down conversation entirely.

Life is a lot more complicated than this kind of black and white thinking. Sometimes people do indeed struggle with the concept of sunk cost. Sometimes, however, they genuinely disagree over assessment of value, and that's not just because they spent the money/time/etc. Sometimes people have complicated feelings and hold both regret and happiness at the same time.

Anyhow, people say stuff like what PP said all the time on DCUM about whatever activity or decision they disagree with, and it is facile and only intended to shut down conversation.

[Anonymous]

Some people spend a lot of money on church every year. Others on cars. Some people take expensive vacations. Some on their children's activities. There are a million things I could name. Some will see these as wastes of money and energy. Those that enjoy these won't. People should try to not be so closed minded.

[Anonymous]

My kids did pee wee soccer in preschool, then lost interest. I've never regretted that. So much time lost on weekends to sports when you can relax with your kids, or go to the zoo. I just never saw the point of wasting all that time. I guess the time is more important to me than the money, although that is excessive, too. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids did pee wee soccer in preschool, then lost interest. I've never regretted that. So much time lost on weekends to sports when you can relax with your kids, or go to the zoo. I just never saw the point of wasting all that time. I guess the time is more important to me than the money, although that is excessive, too. No regrets.

My boys live eat and breathe soccer. I also was a Fonz member and we spent a lot of their childhood at the zoo. We went to museums and Kennedy center shows. They are AP/honor students…

And LOVE playing for their high school soccer team. Such team spirit at their school. They have wonderful childhood travel soccer memories and are so close with me and my husband from all the 1 on 1 time talking in the car on the way to games and practices. There is a real deep bond. And they are so grateful we were on the sudelines(and they’re grandparents - my dad was my travel coach) all those years.

Don’t knock what you don’t know. At my dads funeral there were boys he coached 30 years ago that told us what a major influence he had on their lives.