9 years of travel socce for DC, I regret it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I dont get why families put themselves through this hell. Just let your kid play for their high school teams. No driving. They play with their friends, etc. And I agree the amount that the driving to practice and games can affect the other kids in the family is unfair.

And before anyone brings up college aid, just think how much thirty thousand invested over the years would be now.

If your kid can drive himself and you can afford to make a car available to him and he really wants to continue, let him. But parents should not feel obligated to spend hours driving their kids to play sports. I have a friend who complains that she "has" to get up at 445am to drive her kid to swim practice. No, she does not HAVE to do that. She CHOOSES to do that, and I for one would never do that.

I have to say that at my DC HS, if you haven't been playing travel soccer, you probably won't be good enough to make the soccer team. I think that plenty of HS in the area are same.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your son is at similar playing level as mine - good starter on current first team, could make higher level team but would likely be a bench player there, HS is almost certainly highest level. Our approach has been to find the most convenient option (close, reasonable cost) that allows him to meet his reasonable goals - play HS soccer and reasonably competitve travel soccer.

The difficulty has been that many take the approach of getting their child on the highest level team they can and the travel soccer professionals successfully sell that this is required and will provide college exposure. I would say oversell and overpromise. So these convenient, lower cost options tend to be at risk of falling apart.

[Anonymous]

We've had bad experiences but our current club, coaches and environment have been excellent. Our kid has learned a lot about dealing with people (both peers and people in authority) while playing the sport they love.

Overall it has been worth it.

[Anonymous]

Yep. Pretty expensive time suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you say you finally found a place that was right for him and then you are going to make it his last year? Damn, that's pretty cold. If he still enjoys playing club then suck it up and let him play. Sounds like you were a club jumper and that's why he doesn't have any long term friends. Sometimes the grass isn't always greener.

OP here

Yeah, we spent no more than two years at any one club, and my DS was good, but ib the early years I could see the coach was not giving the team the attention I would be happy with. There are plenty of clubs in the area, so looking at the other clubs to see whatvwas available is something I did. The practice locations were all generally equally distant, so I figured what the heck, maybe this might work out.

Yes, I don't feel great that at last were all at a place that he is enjoying, but I didn't feel great about having to say no to activities other than soccer to my other two children because their oldest is doing travel soccer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you say you finally found a place that was right for him and then you are going to make it his last year? Damn, that's pretty cold. If he still enjoys playing club then suck it up and let him play. Sounds like you were a club jumper and that's why he doesn't have any long term friends. Sometimes the grass isn't always greener.

OP here

Yeah, we spent no more than two years at any one club, and my DS was good, but ib the early years I could see the coach was not giving the team the attention I would be happy with. There are plenty of clubs in the area, so looking at the other clubs to see whatvwas available is something I did. The practice locations were all generally equally distant, so I figured what the heck, maybe this might work out.

Yes, I don't feel great that at last were all at a place that he is enjoying, but I didn't feel great about having to say no to activities other than soccer to my other two children because their oldest is doing travel soccer.

Perhaps your expectations of what you thought it would be were a little to high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who else feels like this?

Spent $30k on club, team fees, training alone

Spent 3,000 hours alone on practices and matches

My DC has not made long term friendships on any of the teams

The coaches never seemed to be interested enough

My other kids have had to keep some of their activities to a minimum because of the oldest. I don't blame anyone but myself for this, though.

My DC loves soccer, but he is not good enough to play past high school or maybe D2/D3, but those colleges aren't good academically anyway.

This season DC is on the top team of his club, ECNL-RL though but like I said if he were to make an ECNL team, he would not get much game time. The coach is really interested in my DC as a player as my child now says that after practice and matches he makes comments about child's playing style and what he could improve upon. My DC on this team plays with confidence and attempts 1v1 moves. My DC now is more friendly with other players.

I like that both of us are enjoying the experience right now, but hate that it took so long to finally find a place that was right for him.

I have decided this year will be the last one for him. He will be junior in HS next year and made the HS soccer team last year.

For those of you that have had 4-5 years in travel soccer, what has your experience been like so far? Enjoyed it, or miserably looking at next year and hoping your son will not want to do it?

What are you talking about?? there are many academically excellent schools that are D3:
https://recruiting.studentathleteworld.com/recruiting-101-blog/entry/best-academic-d3-schools

OP here, didn't meant to say D3 colleges aren't great, were looking to stay in Virginia.

This is an excellent link and hope that others find it helpful as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I dont get why families put themselves through this hell. Just let your kid play for their high school teams. No driving. They play with their friends, etc. And I agree the amount that the driving to practice and games can affect the other kids in the family is unfair.

And before anyone brings up college aid, just think how much thirty thousand invested over the years would be now.

If your kid can drive himself and you can afford to make a car available to him and he really wants to continue, let him. But parents should not feel obligated to spend hours driving their kids to play sports. I have a friend who complains that she "has" to get up at 445am to drive her kid to swim practice. No, she does not HAVE to do that. She CHOOSES to do that, and I for one would never do that.

I have to say that at my DC HS, if you haven't been playing travel soccer, you probably won't be good enough to make the soccer team. I think that plenty of HS in the area are same.

Yes. Ours had three rounds of cuts just for JV. Everyone is a high level player. It will depend on the school, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who else feels like this?

Spent $30k on club, team fees, training alone

Spent 3,000 hours alone on practices and matches

My DC has not made long term friendships on any of the teams

The coaches never seemed to be interested enough

My other kids have had to keep some of their activities to a minimum because of the oldest. I don't blame anyone but myself for this, though.

My DC loves soccer, but he is not good enough to play past high school or maybe D2/D3, but those colleges aren't good academically anyway.

This season DC is on the top team of his club, ECNL-RL though but like I said if he were to make an ECNL team, he would not get much game time. The coach is really interested in my DC as a player as my child now says that after practice and matches he makes comments about child's playing style and what he could improve upon. My DC on this team plays with confidence and attempts 1v1 moves. My DC now is more friendly with other players.

I like that both of us are enjoying the experience right now, but hate that it took so long to finally find a place that was right for him.

I have decided this year will be the last one for him. He will be junior in HS next year and made the HS soccer team last year.

For those of you that have had 4-5 years in travel soccer, what has your experience been like so far? Enjoyed it, or miserably looking at next year and hoping your son will not want to do it?

Yep. Spent a lot of time and money on it.

Kid has always played on a club's top team (we've moved around a bit) and currently plays on an ECNL team. Kid has made MANY long term friends and we the parents have made many friends that we are close with.
We have a younger kid and he has always been able to do his activities although they really don't enjoy going to each other's stuff.
Soccer has given us some additional opportunities to travel overseas (once) and to some other states. Great bonding experiences.
Kid has lots of memories. Lots of Life lessons. Lots of fun. Lots of miserable times (cold/wet/hot/etc). Lots of hard work. Lots of winning. Lots of losing. Lots of ties. Lots of 2nd places medals. Lots of 1st place medals.

I don't regret one minute taking my kids to practices or to games. Lots of stories. Conversations. Getting to know his friends. I get a lot of walking and/or jogging in during their practices and listening to podcasts, etc.

I like to think that sports has also helped him to keep up his grades in school and, hopefully, he will get to play in college where soccer will help him keep up his grades there and keep him out of trouble,

I can't imagine this year will be his last, but if he chooses that, I will support him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the comments! I actually didn't mean to put down any colleges, we are looking to stay in Virginia for college though, so that was my mindset and I didn't mention it in the post.

For deciding for my child, I think at this point I still have that authority. What will happen is my DD will now not have to choose her ballet or softball and other activities around her older brothers soccer practice schedule. We said no to her this year because the activities she wanted were exactly on the days my oldest practiced. Can't split myself in two so she joined rec soccer on the days my oldest practiced. Not a terrible outcome, but it wasn't what she wanted. My youngest is 5 yo and is glad to be out and spending time with other kids, so he is fine for now.

While I don't regret having spent time with my DS at practices or games, if you honestly look at it, I really wasn't spending time with him. He was at practice and I was on the sidelines. I have had a chance to go for runs so I'm not just sitting, but I could do that in my neighborhood park after actually having spent time with my children. To be clear, the fact that we wouldn't do travel soccer doesn't mean I would not spend time with them, in fact we would spend more time together.

Sure you have the authority. Obviously you do. But after nine years of pushing a kid, it is a toxic approach to ending his soccer career for him. You made that choice for him when he was little, he invested time and energy because of you, and now you are going to pull the rug from out under him? Are you trying to destroy your relationship? Make him resent his sibling, who is too young to even remember any activities?

He is a junior. He isn't a little kid. Involve him in the decision. Maybe he will find a way to get to practice on his own. Maybe he can drive. Your unilateral approach is terrible.

[Anonymous]

No regrets. We set expectations, DC wasn't gunning for college soccer. We rather they focus on academics and graduate timely.
DC is happy and developing on team B. We never paid for extra lessons.

DC still loves soccer and also refs. It's been a really good run, great childhood memories.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think your regrets come more from the fact that he'll be out of the house soon and not the soccer journey. Everyone here starts out with a kid that has a little talent and you as a parent want to see how far it can go. That is natural. Very few get to play in college and even less in the pros. Even in MLS matches, it's hard to spot an Amercian out on the pitch sometimes. Every kid's soccer journey comes to an end and most before they want it to. If he is happy playing now then I would still support him. You've come all this way and may as well see it through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who else feels like this?

Spent $30k on club, team fees, training alone

Spent 3,000 hours alone on practices and matches

My DC has not made long term friendships on any of the teams

The coaches never seemed to be interested enough

My other kids have had to keep some of their activities to a minimum because of the oldest. I don't blame anyone but myself for this, though.

My DC loves soccer, but he is not good enough to play past high school or maybe D2/D3, but those colleges aren't good academically anyway.

This season DC is on the top team of his club, ECNL-RL though but like I said if he were to make an ECNL team, he would not get much game time. The coach is really interested in my DC as a player as my child now says that after practice and matches he makes comments about child's playing style and what he could improve upon. My DC on this team plays with confidence and attempts 1v1 moves. My DC now is more friendly with other players.

I like that both of us are enjoying the experience right now, but hate that it took so long to finally find a place that was right for him.

I have decided this year will be the last one for him. He will be junior in HS next year and made the HS soccer team last year.

For those of you that have had 4-5 years in travel soccer, what has your experience been like so far? Enjoyed it, or miserably looking at next year and hoping your son will not want to do it?

Yep. Spent a lot of time and money on it.

Kid has always played on a club's top team (we've moved around a bit) and currently plays on an ECNL team. Kid has made MANY long term friends and we the parents have made many friends that we are close with.
We have a younger kid and he has always been able to do his activities although they really don't enjoy going to each other's stuff.
Soccer has given us some additional opportunities to travel overseas (once) and to some other states. Great bonding experiences.
Kid has lots of memories. Lots of Life lessons. Lots of fun. Lots of miserable times (cold/wet/hot/etc). Lots of hard work. Lots of winning. Lots of losing. Lots of ties. Lots of 2nd places medals. Lots of 1st place medals.

I don't regret one minute taking my kids to practices or to games. Lots of stories. Conversations. Getting to know his friends. I get a lot of walking and/or jogging in during their practices and listening to podcasts, etc.

I like to think that sports has also helped him to keep up his grades in school and, hopefully, he will get to play in college where soccer will help him keep up his grades there and keep him out of trouble,

I can't imagine this year will be his last, but if he chooses that, I will support him.

These are my feelings. The money part sucks but you can't think of it like what you get out of each thousand of dollars. You can't put a price on some of these memories. Listening to my son say now that he wants to be a professional soccer player when in 20 years he ends up at a $20 an hour job (example) will be a memory that I will never forget.

It's like saying I won't run 3 miles and burn 300 calories because I just ate a 300 calorie donut.

The heart, muscle and mind benefits that you gain from running cannot only be counted in calories.

Get it? I do understand the family toll and perhaps a lower level team may have worked better for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who else feels like this?

Spent $30k on club, team fees, training alone

Spent 3,000 hours alone on practices and matches

My DC has not made long term friendships on any of the teams

The coaches never seemed to be interested enough

My other kids have had to keep some of their activities to a minimum because of the oldest. I don't blame anyone but myself for this, though.

My DC loves soccer, but he is not good enough to play past high school or maybe D2/D3, but those colleges aren't good academically anyway.

This season DC is on the top team of his club, ECNL-RL though but like I said if he were to make an ECNL team, he would not get much game time. The coach is really interested in my DC as a player as my child now says that after practice and matches he makes comments about child's playing style and what he could improve upon. My DC on this team plays with confidence and attempts 1v1 moves. My DC now is more friendly with other players.

I like that both of us are enjoying the experience right now, but hate that it took so long to finally find a place that was right for him.

I have decided this year will be the last one for him. He will be junior in HS next year and made the HS soccer team last year.

For those of you that have had 4-5 years in travel soccer, what has your experience been like so far? Enjoyed it, or miserably looking at next year and hoping your son will not want to do it?

[Anonymous]

My story is very similar to OP but zero regrets.

I'd rather have my kids playing sports (which they still love) learning discipline, commitment, being active and around other kids that love the sport, than all day at home doing nothing.