Be honest - did you have your second only to give your first a sibling? How did it work out?

[Anonymous]

I feel like I could be done with one but her not having a sibling relationship gives me pause but at the same time I don’t want to have another kid just for that reason. Anyone have 2 to give your first a sibling and regret it?

[Anonymous]

I don’t regret it. My second is a really awesome kid in his own right, and he and his brother are very tight.
My oldest ended up being diagnosed with a high functioning ASD and has a lot of trouble making friends. My second is NT and kind of an extrovert. I know many happy only children, but I think *my* boys would have been very lonely without each other.

[Anonymous]

My parents are getting older and having some health problems. I’m SO glad I have siblings to share the load with and empathize together. I wasn’t thinking about that when we decided to have our 3 kids, but now it’s something that that I hope will be beneficial for our children to have each other when my husband and I get old.

[Anonymous]

I’m an Only and love being an only. I know too many people who have meh or horrible relationships with their siblings. And my parents are older and my Mom is having significant health issues. I’m so grateful that I don’t also have to be negotiating and checking with a sibling about what we should do.

There is no guarantee that your kids will get along. Have a another kid if you want another kid. Don’t do it for some rosy fantasy that your kids will have each other. Would you have this kid if you knew they would be at odds with each other for the rest of their lives? And that the relationship would only cause conflict in each other’s lives?

Read One and Only

https://smile.amazon.com/One-Only-Freedom-Having-Child/dp/1451626967/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=one+and+only+book&qid=1595773818&sr=8-3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an Only and love being an only. I know too many people who have meh or horrible relationships with their siblings. And my parents are older and my Mom is having significant health issues. I’m so grateful that I don’t also have to be negotiating and checking with a sibling about what we should do.

There is no guarantee that your kids will get along. Have a another kid if you want another kid. Don’t do it for some rosy fantasy that your kids will have each other. Would you have this kid if you knew they would be at odds with each other for the rest of their lives? And that the relationship would only cause conflict in each other’s lives?

Read One and Only

https://smile.amazon.com/One-Only-Freedom-Having-Child/dp/1451626967/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=one+and+only+book&qid=1595773818&sr=8-3

NP, parent of an only who has been trying to figure out if we really are "done." Thank you for this recommendation and sharing your experience as an adult only child. My husband and I both have siblings but are not close with any of them. We also have siblings on both sides who pose real difficulties for us now. We think our daughter would make a great big sister and we love parenting so we've definitely considered having another. But there is also something about the current arrangement that is so simple and easy. I can imagine the three of us really enjoying family life for many years without feeling like anyone is missing.

I can definitely attest to the fact that having siblings as an adult does not automatically mean you have built-in friends or that it will be easier to handle your parents aging and getting sick. For us it has been the opposite.

[Anonymous]

My second is not here yet (due in September), but I will admit that wanting to give my son a sibling was the primary (not exclusive) force behind having a second. I had a rough pregnancy with DS and I knew it would be the same the second time around, and plus I'm AMA, but I just felt that the experience of growing up with a sibling was too important. People talk about how you never know if sibs will be close as adults - which is completely true - but at a minimum, your children will have a shared childhood/adolescence, and I wanted my kids to have that. I also have lost a parent and I know how hard it is to go through that; I can't imagine having done it without my brother. Again, no guarantees in adulthood, but I will say the vast majority of my friend group have positive relationships with their siblings, and many of them are extremely close, particularly those living in the same geographic region.

[Anonymous]

We sort of did this. We each came from a two kid family so assumed we would have two kids, and having our first easily at age 32, we had plenty of time.

But after having one, we were sort of content. The pressure to have another did sort of come from the sibling thing. We did it, and don't regret it for a minute, she is now 8.

They are close sisters and we just adore our second.

That said, I have a brother - we were pretty close growing up, and I absolutely adored him through my 20s. Then he started changing as we aged a bit more - and I have to say we are in our 40s now and not so close. I still love him, but we aren't close. That said, he married someone completely awesome and my SIL and I are extremely close. Go figure. So in childhood I had him, in adulthood, I have her!

[Anonymous]

I didn't, but I have a friend who did. Their family has great relationships all around and they are very happy with their choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We sort of did this. We each came from a two kid family so assumed we would have two kids, and having our first easily at age 32, we had plenty of time.

But after having one, we were sort of content. The pressure to have another did sort of come from the sibling thing. We did it, and don't regret it for a minute, she is now 8.

They are close sisters and we just adore our second.

That said, I have a brother - we were pretty close growing up, and I absolutely adored him through my 20s. Then he started changing as we aged a bit more - and I have to say we are in our 40s now and not so close. I still love him, but we aren't close. That said, he married someone completely awesome and my SIL and I are extremely close. Go figure. So in childhood I had him, in adulthood, I have her!

This side story about your brother is really interesting. I would have thought the SIL would have brought you closer to brother again. Just curious why that didn’t happen?

[Anonymous]

Nope. We adopted our second from a family member who was neglecting the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I could be done with one but her not having a sibling relationship gives me pause but at the same time I don’t want to have another kid just for that reason. Anyone have 2 to give your first a sibling and regret it?

I don't think I ever really considered an only child, but part of having a second child was definitely because I think having a sibling is best.

My curveball was being certain my second child would be a boy and instead I had a second girl. My girls are close and I am nothing but happy with how it has turned out.

[Anonymous]

This was my primary but not only motivation. I didn't want my son to be alone later in life.

He got the most amazing little sister and he is jonestly the nicest big brother i know. I may be biased but so far it's working out great. They are 6 and 2.

[Anonymous]

My first was born with special needs. Despite the risk of having another biological child with special needs, we chose to conceive again, for 3 reasons:

1. We wanted the experience of raising a normally functional child.

2. We wanted to elevate our first child's social learning by constant sibling interaction with a typically developing child.

3. We really wanted the opposite sex!

Thankfully, we got all three, and are very happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first was born with special needs. Despite the risk of having another biological child with special needs, we chose to conceive again, for 3 reasons:

1. We wanted the experience of raising a normally functional child.

2. We wanted to elevate our first child's social learning by constant sibling interaction with a typically developing child.

3. We really wanted the opposite sex!

Thankfully, we got all three, and are very happy.

We are similar. My first born had developmental delay, and we were highly suspicious that he was special needs when we chose to conceive. It was confirmed that he was special needs later on after 2nd one was born later.

The reason for having 2nd child was 1) to give first child a sibling to grow up together & social/mental support if possible, 2) hope for opposite sex, 3) also hope that 2nd child is normal. Thankfully, we got 1 & 2, but 3 is unknown because 2nd child is still a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sort of did this. We each came from a two kid family so assumed we would have two kids, and having our first easily at age 32, we had plenty of time.

But after having one, we were sort of content. The pressure to have another did sort of come from the sibling thing. We did it, and don't regret it for a minute, she is now 8.

They are close sisters and we just adore our second.

That said, I have a brother - we were pretty close growing up, and I absolutely adored him through my 20s. Then he started changing as we aged a bit more - and I have to say we are in our 40s now and not so close. I still love him, but we aren't close. That said, he married someone completely awesome and my SIL and I are extremely close. Go figure. So in childhood I had him, in adulthood, I have her!

This side story about your brother is really interesting. I would have thought the SIL would have brought you closer to brother again. Just curious why that didn’t happen?

I love my brother, but no, it's still hard to be around him for long periods of time. My SIL can hang out for hours though. We have so much more in common. It's hard to explain, but my brother and I are just very different, and we see the world in different ways. My brother can be pretty judgmental, and my SIL is more laid back/accepting. They never had kids, but my brother has a lot of opinions about we raise ours

Anyway, he's a good uncle and I think he has a good heart, it's just hard to find common ground. It's a weird situation. My SIL and brother have had a lot of marriage troubles, but they have figured out how to live with their differences and they seem happy. I guess since I don't live with my brother and we only see other every few months because we don't live all that close, we haven't had to go through that period of working things out.