Be honest - did you have your second only to give your first a sibling? How did it work out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sort of did this. We each came from a two kid family so assumed we would have two kids, and having our first easily at age 32, we had plenty of time.

But after having one, we were sort of content. The pressure to have another did sort of come from the sibling thing. We did it, and don't regret it for a minute, she is now 8.

They are close sisters and we just adore our second.

That said, I have a brother - we were pretty close growing up, and I absolutely adored him through my 20s. Then he started changing as we aged a bit more - and I have to say we are in our 40s now and not so close. I still love him, but we aren't close. That said, he married someone completely awesome and my SIL and I are extremely close. Go figure. So in childhood I had him, in adulthood, I have her!

This side story about your brother is really interesting. I would have thought the SIL would have brought you closer to brother again. Just curious why that didn’t happen?

I love my brother, but no, it's still hard to be around him for long periods of time. My SIL can hang out for hours though. We have so much more in common. It's hard to explain, but my brother and I are just very different, and we see the world in different ways. My brother can be pretty judgmental, and my SIL is more laid back/accepting. They never had kids, but my brother has a lot of opinions about we raise ours

Anyway, he's a good uncle and I think he has a good heart, it's just hard to find common ground. It's a weird situation. My SIL and brother have had a lot of marriage troubles, but they have figured out how to live with their differences and they seem happy. I guess since I don't live with my brother and we only see other every few months because we don't live all that close, we haven't had to go through that period of working things out.

Haha! It’s very easy to be the perfect parent when you don’t have any children!

[Anonymous]

I really wanted multiple children. I went into it thinking I'd maybe want a 3rd. After having the 2nd I realized that 2 was the right number for us, so we're done!

[Anonymous]

I am going to say I was on the fence about having the second, was considering one and done. But during this pandemic having the second sibling was a godsend for the both of them to have company. The only children cut off from their activities and friends at school are very lonely, and their parents are trying to figure out play dates safely , or not safely. So glad to have the second.

[Anonymous]

My kids are complete opposites, pretty much hate eachother and don’t interact. The introvert sits in his room all day and I still have to spend every hour of the day with the extrovert.

[Anonymous]

Totally. First kid is super bright and we could not get a second to ourselves. She wanted constant interaction. Lol. Now she has an equally bright sister who is an extrovert and won't ever leave her alone. They are really close, which has been amazing always but esp these past few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I could be done with one but her not having a sibling relationship gives me pause but at the same time I don’t want to have another kid just for that reason. Anyone have 2 to give your first a sibling and regret it?

We had two kids because we wanted two kids. Yes, they are friends but,if I had only wanted one I would have done that and not felt guilty.

[Anonymous]

I don't regret it either. My oldest has ADHD and needs the interaction and the unpredictability of his younger sibling to learn to deal with people and learn how to be less rigid. He has learned a lot just from having a sibling. I loved my younger child. He's an "average" boy and my older son was not typical. Its been a learning experience for all of us. ITs not a perfect relationship between the boys, buy they love each other and care for one another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an Only and love being an only. I know too many people who have meh or horrible relationships with their siblings. And my parents are older and my Mom is having significant health issues. I’m so grateful that I don’t also have to be negotiating and checking with a sibling about what we should do.

There is no guarantee that your kids will get along. Have a another kid if you want another kid. Don’t do it for some rosy fantasy that your kids will have each other. Would you have this kid if you knew they would be at odds with each other for the rest of their lives? And that the relationship would only cause conflict in each other’s lives?

Read One and Only

https://smile.amazon.com/One-Only-Freedom-Having-Child/dp/1451626967/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=one+and+only+book&qid=1595773818&sr=8-3

Ugh this book always get recommended here whenever this topic comes up. The author basically justifies why she has one child. It’s completely one-sided. I’m an only child and disagrees with a lot of what she says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are complete opposites, pretty much hate eachother and don’t interact. The introvert sits in his room all day and I still have to spend every hour of the day with the extrovert.

Ha, this is why I'm glad I have 3 (though it's not why I had 3). Younger two ambiverts/extroverts hang out with each other while the introvert sits in her room.

[Anonymous]

What a weird ask, Op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are complete opposites, pretty much hate eachother and don’t interact. The introvert sits in his room all day and I still have to spend every hour of the day with the extrovert.

Ha, this is why I'm glad I have 3 (though it's not why I had 3). Younger two ambiverts/extroverts hang out with each other while the introvert sits in her room.

Sure, but you could have just as easily had 2 introverts and 1 extrovert and been in the same situation as PP.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It’s great now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an Only and love being an only. I know too many people who have meh or horrible relationships with their siblings. And my parents are older and my Mom is having significant health issues. I’m so grateful that I don’t also have to be negotiating and checking with a sibling about what we should do.

[/b]There is no guarantee that your kids will get along. Have a another kid if you want another kid. Don’t do it for some rosy fantasy that your kids will have each other. [b]Would you have this kid if you knew they would be at odds with each other for the rest of their lives? And that the relationship would only cause conflict in each other’s lives?

Read One and Only

https://smile.amazon.com/One-Only-Freedom-Having-Child/dp/1451626967/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=one+and+only+book&qid=1595773818&sr=8-3

This. I have 2 siblings who I love dearly and get along with really well as an adult. I’m so glad I have them. But, there is no guarantee of that/I am very lucky. I know lots of people (including my spouse) who do not get along well with their siblings and never did. Don’t have another kid just to give your kid a sibling; only do it if you and your spouse both really want another child.

[Anonymous]

I had three because I came from a family of three and loved having siblings to play with. With COVID I’m happy I did because none of them have seen any of their friends in months (7 and under) but they have each other and play pretty well together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I could be done with one but her not having a sibling relationship gives me pause but at the same time I don’t want to have another kid just for that reason. Anyone have 2 to give your first a sibling and regret it?

Once we had our #1, it was really important for me that she have a sibling because I grew up with siblings and this is what constituted in my mind the "expereince" of a family. We also wanted a 2nd and to us this completed our family but wow it was rough having them close together in age (20 months apart).

They play for hours together now and are very different but I love it. The only thing I will say as a mom I didn't like was that once #2 comes along, the relationship that you have with your first weakens because you have to take care of the baby. I miss having that close only bond with my first. It's still there but it changes because you add another baby but you get to witness the love between siblings.

I'll say this, would it be "easier" to have 1 child? Most likely. I absolutely do not regret having my two. One thing though is that other people will compare your children. But you love them both and it hurts you as a mom. I guess people would still comment on your only but not compare with their sibling in a hurtful manner. peace.