Anyone has gone through adoption who is willing to give us initial idea about the process

[Anonymous]

Anyone has gone through adoption who is willing to give us initial idea about the process. Will help us get started. Feels very overwhelming with many failed ivfs. Want this atleast to go a bit better

[Anonymous]

First sit down and talk about what you want. Do you want a domestic adoption or are you open to international? What areas? Are you looking for a same race child or are you interested in adopting any race (recognizing that comes with other considerations)? Are you only looking for infants or older children are possible?

How strict will you be about in utero exposure? Recognizing that many people are not truthful about it, but is this a deal breaker? Will this be open adopting or closed?

Once you have those ideas fleshed out, then you can start looking at agencies and lawyers.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for replying.. I thought no one cared as we are moving forward with adoption. We tried ivf 7 times not FET but retrieval’s all failed. Am at a point I cannot take this anymore physically or emotionally. Am drained and exhausted. Tried SG, CCRM nova and ccrm Colorado school craft.: no one could fix me... guess my case is that complicated and hopeless.

We have an idea. We are open to both domestic and international. But have to wait for 2 more years to get us citizenship to go international. We want the kid in our race. It should be a closed adoption. We don’t care abt the gender but would love to have a girl child. Since we are Asian, we need the kid to atleast look somewhat like us.. I don’t want people in Walmart and other places when we go shopping wonder if we kidnapped the kid...and call the cop... no kidding that was written by someone in an adoption blog.

If you have any agency recommendations please do let me know. I live in the NovA area.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m really sorry you’re at this point. We looked into it and would have gone with Adoptions Together if we pursued it. Also check the Parenting Special Concerns forum, that’s where all of the adoption discussion usually happens. Good luck on this next step. Wishing you success and healing.

[Anonymous]

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/890036.page

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/886648.page#17356502

[Anonymous]

Why do you want a closed adoption?
This is selfish imo

We have an adopted 8yo and have an open adoption. We have never met her birth mother and neither has DD. However, we know her name and send her a letter and 5 photos once a year thru a special web portal. DD knows when she wants to meet her BM she can, the adoption agency will faciliate this. DD has bio siblings, she knows they are older than her and she can hopefully meet them when she is older.
Who am I to take this away from her?
We are her parents and she knows this, we love each other and are a family. But her biology is real and I dont think a closed adoption is the way to go. Might feel better for you, but think about how your kid might feel as a teen.....You wanna do whats right by your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for replying.. I thought no one cared as we are moving forward with adoption. We tried ivf 7 times not FET but retrieval’s all failed. Am at a point I cannot take this anymore physically or emotionally. Am drained and exhausted. Tried SG, CCRM nova and ccrm Colorado school craft.: no one could fix me... guess my case is that complicated and hopeless.

We have an idea. We are open to both domestic and international. But have to wait for 2 more years to get us citizenship to go international. We want the kid in our race. It should be a closed adoption. We don’t care abt the gender but would love to have a girl child. Since we are Asian, we need the kid to atleast look somewhat like us.. I don’t want people in Walmart and other places when we go shopping wonder if we kidnapped the kid...and call the cop... no kidding that was written by someone in an adoption blog.

If you have any agency recommendations please do let me know. I live in the NovA area.

I have literally never been accused of kidnapping my child of a different race......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for replying.. I thought no one cared as we are moving forward with adoption. We tried ivf 7 times not FET but retrieval’s all failed. Am at a point I cannot take this anymore physically or emotionally. Am drained and exhausted. Tried SG, CCRM nova and ccrm Colorado school craft.: no one could fix me... guess my case is that complicated and hopeless.

We have an idea. We are open to both domestic and international. But have to wait for 2 more years to get us citizenship to go international. We want the kid in our race. It should be a closed adoption. We don’t care abt the gender but would love to have a girl child. Since we are Asian, we need the kid to atleast look somewhat like us.. I don’t want people in Walmart and other places when we go shopping wonder if we kidnapped the kid...and call the cop... no kidding that was written by someone in an adoption blog.

If you have any agency recommendations please do let me know. I live in the NovA area.

I think it would be helpful for you to talk to someone at a reputable adoption agency (search the Special Concerns forum for recommendations). If I'm understanding you, you're looking for a closed adoption and an Asian child. Sex doesn't matter (unless "love to have" really is a preference?), and open to domestic or international. Even if you're open to older children and special needs, that is a tall ask that may not be possible or may take years to find a match. Really consider if you're willing to wait years more or if you'd rather change your requirements. And please research the difference between open and closed adoption - there's a lot of research showing that open adoptions are MUCH better for the adoptee long term. I assume you just haven't done the research yet, which is TOTALLY fine, but the adoption counselors we spoke to really advised us against closed adoption.

Two things:

You mentioned waiting for citizenship - where are you citizens now? Often countries have different rules for citizens of that country who are living abroad. You may be able to adopt from your countries of citizenship faster than a non-citizen international or possibly even a domestic adoption. Just something to look into.

Second - not knowing your fertility issues, but have you considered donor embryo? That can be a way to do a closed donation (some programs have double donor embryos, where an egg donor and sperm donor are used, not leftover embryos from other people's IVF cycles). If you're willing to wait until travel opens back up, donor embryo IVF can be very affordable internationally (though I am not sure if Asian embryos are widely available).

Please keep in mind that adoption is a long, difficult, expensive process. Be prepared for failures and for it to take years not months. If you're willing to adopt an older child or a child with special needs (and keep in mind even "healthy" newborns up for adoption will often develop some special needs from prenatal conditions or family disposition), it is likely to be faster. It is a hard road that will likely have setbacks and heart ache. We were IVF failures too and ultimately decided we didn't have it in us to move forward with adoption and start another emotional roller coaster. Not to say you shouldn't, but be wary of any agency that makes promises and tells you it will be easy. That's just not the way adoption works in this day and age. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for replying.. I thought no one cared as we are moving forward with adoption. We tried ivf 7 times not FET but retrieval’s all failed. Am at a point I cannot take this anymore physically or emotionally. Am drained and exhausted. Tried SG, CCRM nova and ccrm Colorado school craft.: no one could fix me... guess my case is that complicated and hopeless.

We have an idea. We are open to both domestic and international. But have to wait for 2 more years to get us citizenship to go international. We want the kid in our race. It should be a closed adoption. We don’t care abt the gender but would love to have a girl child. Since we are Asian, we need the kid to atleast look somewhat like us.. I don’t want people in Walmart and other places when we go shopping wonder if we kidnapped the kid...and call the cop... no kidding that was written by someone in an adoption blog.

If you have any agency recommendations please do let me know. I live in the NovA area.

I have literally never been accused of kidnapping my child of a different race......

Are you white?

[Anonymous]

As an adoptee (myself) and a mom by surrogacy and donor embryo, I wanted to second the advice to look at Adoptions Together and at open adoption. We liked AT when we were looking at adoption.

And as for open or closed, the reality is that in the age of genetic testing (like 23 and Me), adoption can't be hidden anymore. And believe me, the anger and betrayal your child will feel for you if they find out you lied and hid their adoption from you.... it will be horrible for you and cruel to them. Please do not start your journey as a parent with an act of cruelty towards your future child. I promise, they will not love you less knowing you adopted them. That's just not how it works. I strongly encourage you to see a qualified therapist to help you understand the adoption dynamic and to confront your own feelings about losing the biological connection.

Also second the advice to consider adopting from your home country, if that's an option now. Since the Hague Convention it's much harder to adopt infants internationally. It may be easier as a citizen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for replying.. I thought no one cared as we are moving forward with adoption. We tried ivf 7 times not FET but retrieval’s all failed. Am at a point I cannot take this anymore physically or emotionally. Am drained and exhausted. Tried SG, CCRM nova and ccrm Colorado school craft.: no one could fix me... guess my case is that complicated and hopeless.

We have an idea. We are open to both domestic and international. But have to wait for 2 more years to get us citizenship to go international. We want the kid in our race. It should be a closed adoption. We don’t care abt the gender but would love to have a girl child. Since we are Asian, we need the kid to atleast look somewhat like us.. I don’t want people in Walmart and other places when we go shopping wonder if we kidnapped the kid...and call the cop... no kidding that was written by someone in an adoption blog.

If you have any agency recommendations please do let me know. I live in the NovA area.

I have literally never been accused of kidnapping my child of a different race......

I am white with a child of another race. I have been accused of kidnapping my daughter. It happened when I was in Florida. My friend is white with a child of another race. She was accused of kidnapping her daughter. That happened in DC. I get the concern.

OP, I think that the PPs who suggest that you consider your parameters are on target. Adoption is difficult. I don't know how difficult it would be to adopt an Asian child domestically or even internationally. Last year, the total number of international adoptions was less than 3,000, with less than 1/3 of the total from Asian countries. (US Department of State reports the numbers from each country). The wait is years long for a child from Asia.

I also want to echo the importance of considering your personal tolerance level for prenatal exposures to drugs, alcohol and smoking. People are not all honest about their level of substance use and it is a real risk. I've often suggested that people educate themselves about FASD - not because there is a high prevalence, but because it is a known risk, it is not identifiable at birth or even in young children, and the repercussions for the family are enormous.

Honestly, I think that while cost seems like it is a huge factor, it isn't as big of one as the other things. You pay costs as you go, not in a lump sum. The process can be long so you are spreading the costs out over what may be years. It is expensive for sure, but it doesn't feel so bad when you break it down.

I hope you find answers that make you happy and bring you peace.




I


Are you white?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for replying.. I thought no one cared as we are moving forward with adoption. We tried ivf 7 times not FET but retrieval’s all failed. Am at a point I cannot take this anymore physically or emotionally. Am drained and exhausted. Tried SG, CCRM nova and ccrm Colorado school craft.: no one could fix me... guess my case is that complicated and hopeless.

We have an idea. We are open to both domestic and international. But have to wait for 2 more years to get us citizenship to go international. We want the kid in our race. It should be a closed adoption. We don’t care abt the gender but would love to have a girl child. Since we are Asian, we need the kid to atleast look somewhat like us.. I don’t want people in Walmart and other places when we go shopping wonder if we kidnapped the kid...and call the cop... no kidding that was written by someone in an adoption blog.

If you have any agency recommendations please do let me know. I live in the NovA area.

I have literally never been accused of kidnapping my child of a different race......

I am white with a child of another race. I have been accused of kidnapping my daughter. It happened when I was in Florida. My friend is white with a child of another race. She was accused of kidnapping her daughter. That happened in DC. I get the concern.

OP, I think that the PPs who suggest that you consider your parameters are on target. Adoption is difficult. I don't know how difficult it would be to adopt an Asian child domestically or even internationally. Last year, the total number of international adoptions was less than 3,000, with less than 1/3 of the total from Asian countries. (US Department of State reports the numbers from each country). The wait is years long for a child from Asia.

I also want to echo the importance of considering your personal tolerance level for prenatal exposures to drugs, alcohol and smoking. People are not all honest about their level of substance use and it is a real risk. I've often suggested that people educate themselves about FASD - not because there is a high prevalence, but because it is a known risk, it is not identifiable at birth or even in young children, and the repercussions for the family are enormous.

Honestly, I think that while cost seems like it is a huge factor, it isn't as big of one as the other things. You pay costs as you go, not in a lump sum. The process can be long so you are spreading the costs out over what may be years. It is expensive for sure, but it doesn't feel so bad when you break it down.

I hope you find answers that make you happy and bring you peace.


Are you white?

OOPS! Let me fix this:

I am white with a child of another race. I have been accused of kidnapping my daughter. It happened when I was in Florida. My friend is white with a child of another race. She was accused of kidnapping her daughter. That happened in DC. I get the concern.

OP, I think that the PPs who suggest that you consider your parameters are on target. Adoption is difficult. I don't know how difficult it would be to adopt an Asian child domestically or even internationally. Last year, the total number of international adoptions was less than 3,000, with less than 1/3 of the total from Asian countries. (US Department of State reports the numbers from each country). The wait is years long for a child from Asia.

I also want to echo the importance of considering your personal tolerance level for prenatal exposures to drugs, alcohol and smoking. People are not all honest about their level of substance use and it is a real risk. I've often suggested that people educate themselves about FASD - not because there is a high prevalence, but because it is a known risk, it is not identifiable at birth or even in young children, and the repercussions for the family are enormous.

Honestly, I think that while cost seems like it is a huge factor, it isn't as big of one as the other things. You pay costs as you go, not in a lump sum. The process can be long so you are spreading the costs out over what may be years. It is expensive for sure, but it doesn't feel so bad when you break it down.

I hope you find answers that make you happy and bring you peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for replying.. I thought no one cared as we are moving forward with adoption. We tried ivf 7 times not FET but retrieval’s all failed. Am at a point I cannot take this anymore physically or emotionally. Am drained and exhausted. Tried SG, CCRM nova and ccrm Colorado school craft.: no one could fix me... guess my case is that complicated and hopeless.

We have an idea. We are open to both domestic and international. But have to wait for 2 more years to get us citizenship to go international. We want the kid in our race. It should be a closed adoption. We don’t care abt the gender but would love to have a girl child. Since we are Asian, we need the kid to atleast look somewhat like us.. I don’t want people in Walmart and other places when we go shopping wonder if we kidnapped the kid...and call the cop... no kidding that was written by someone in an adoption blog.

If you have any agency recommendations please do let me know. I live in the NovA area.

I have literally never been accused of kidnapping my child of a different race......

Are you white?

yes I am white and DD is AA

[Anonymous]

We did an initial adoption consultation with Jennifer Fairfax in Silver Spring. It was about $250, I think and she lays out all the options and gives you a list of agencies and also pointers if you want to do it on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for replying.. I thought no one cared as we are moving forward with adoption. We tried ivf 7 times not FET but retrieval’s all failed. Am at a point I cannot take this anymore physically or emotionally. Am drained and exhausted. Tried SG, CCRM nova and ccrm Colorado school craft.: no one could fix me... guess my case is that complicated and hopeless.

We have an idea. We are open to both domestic and international. But have to wait for 2 more years to get us citizenship to go international. We want the kid in our race. It should be a closed adoption. We don’t care abt the gender but would love to have a girl child. Since we are Asian, we need the kid to atleast look somewhat like us.. I don’t want people in Walmart and other places when we go shopping wonder if we kidnapped the kid...and call the cop... no kidding that was written by someone in an adoption blog.

If you have any agency recommendations please do let me know. I live in the NovA area.

How old are you? Many countries have age cutoffs for prospective parents.