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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks for replying.. I thought no one cared as we are moving forward with adoption. We tried ivf 7 times not FET but retrieval’s all failed. Am at a point I cannot take this anymore physically or emotionally. Am drained and exhausted. Tried SG, CCRM nova and ccrm Colorado school craft.: no one could fix me... guess my case is that complicated and hopeless.

We have an idea. We are open to both domestic and international. But have to wait for 2 more years to get us citizenship to go international. We want the kid in our race. It should be a closed adoption. We don’t care abt the gender but would love to have a girl child. Since we are Asian, we need the kid to atleast look somewhat like us.. I don’t want people in Walmart and other places when we go shopping  wonder if we kidnapped the kid...and call the cop... no kidding that was written by someone in an adoption blog.

If you have any agency recommendations please do let me know. I live in the NovA area.[/quote]

I think it would be helpful for you to talk to someone at a reputable adoption agency (search the Special Concerns forum for recommendations). If I'm understanding you, you're looking for a closed adoption and an Asian child. Sex doesn't matter (unless "love to have" really is a preference?), and open to domestic or international. Even if you're open to older children and special needs, that is a tall ask that may not be possible or may take years to find a match. Really consider if you're willing to wait years more or if you'd rather change your requirements. And please research the difference between open and closed adoption - there's a lot of research showing that open adoptions are MUCH better for the adoptee long term. I assume you just haven't done the research yet, which is TOTALLY fine, but the adoption counselors we spoke to really advised us against closed adoption.

Two things:

You mentioned waiting for citizenship - where are you citizens now? Often countries have different rules for citizens of that country who are living abroad. You may be able to adopt from your countries of citizenship faster than a non-citizen international or possibly even a domestic adoption. Just something to look into.

Second - not knowing your fertility issues, but have you considered donor embryo? That can be a way to do a closed donation (some programs have double donor embryos, where an egg donor and sperm donor are used, not leftover embryos from other people's IVF cycles). If you're willing to wait until travel opens back up, donor embryo IVF can be very affordable internationally (though I am not sure if Asian embryos are widely available).

Please keep in mind that adoption is a long, difficult, expensive process. Be prepared for failures and for it to take years not months. If you're willing to adopt an older child or a child with special needs (and keep in mind even "healthy" newborns up for adoption will often develop some special needs from prenatal conditions or family disposition), it is likely to be faster. It is a hard road that will likely have setbacks and heart ache. We were IVF failures too and ultimately decided we didn't have it in us to move forward with adoption and start another emotional roller coaster. Not to say you shouldn't, but be wary of any agency that makes promises and tells you it will be easy. That's just not the way adoption works in this day and age. Good luck to you.[/quote]

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