Advice to younger women to marry wisely

[Anonymous]

There have been a few threads on here with this advice from older women to younger women. Tell me more. If you are 50+ divorced or not. What are the boxes that must be checked. What would you have done differently or what was successful.

[Anonymous]

Date guys that have it together and seem like they would be good dads. Don’t date a guy for his looks or money or anyone that shows any sign of alcohol abuse or drug abuse.

[Anonymous]

If they had a f*cked up childhood--a parent was an alcoholic or a serial cheater...RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO matter how much they swear they won't turn out that way...wait 20 years and tell me what happens.

[Anonymous]

1. Make sure you both are on the same page with regards to money - who earns it, who spends it, the lifestyle, the long-term goals, the priorities, etc. 2. (I know I am going to get flamed for it but here it goes) Stay clear from the guys with ADHD, executive functioning issues, etc. unless it’s clearly proven that they can hold their shit together under a moderate amount of stress. You don’t want to be their required accommodation to life. 3. Never assume anything about what others think how the marriage works - if it’s important to you, say it out loud.

[Anonymous]

wait until you are older before getting married. have your education, have a job and a way to support yourself

[Anonymous]

At the same time, young women are told to not be too picky because they will miss their window.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the same time, young women are told to not be too picky because they will miss their window.

Don't listen to this. Yes you shouldn't be too picky about things that don't matter, but for the core important things, like temperament, work ethic, worldview, you should not compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wait until you are older before getting married. have your education, have a job and a way to support yourself

I married older (late 30s) and it’s one of the bigger challenges in our marriage that we’re each so used to being independent. Maybe that’s just us but I don’t think marrying older is the answer necessarily. Plus while we were able to support ourselves independently before we built a life together that requires both incomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they had a f*cked up childhood--a parent was an alcoholic or a serial cheater...RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO matter how much they swear they won't turn out that way...wait 20 years and tell me what happens.

My husband's mother was an alcoholic and he's an amazing person and father and I wouldn't trade him for anything. You are wrong about this.

[Anonymous]

Everything above and also it’s much better if you get generally get along with his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything above and also it’s much better if you get generally get along with his family.

And if you don't get along with his family, move far enough away so that you only see them a few times a year. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wait until you are older before getting married. have your education, have a job and a way to support yourself

I would suggest instead to get married in grad school. You'll never again have such a good pool of eligible potential mates, and it's easier to grow wealth together.

[Anonymous]

All really good advice. Make sure you enjoy the sex and there is an attraction. It helps during the tough times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they had a f*cked up childhood--a parent was an alcoholic or a serial cheater...RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO matter how much they swear they won't turn out that way...wait 20 years and tell me what happens.

Man here. My dad was a serial cheater on multiple wives. I am 55, been married once for 23 years, haven’t cheated yet.

I’m not him.

[Anonymous]

Op, you can check as many boxes as you want (Kind, responsible, accountable, you like his family) but it’s impossible to predict everything. Big part of it is also chance.