Advice to younger women to marry wisely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Avoid people who put their parents or their parents' relationship on a pedestal. This includes someone with a "good" childhood and "happily" married parents.

My spouse does this and his dad was horrible. It's so weird, once he died he became a Saint. Why do people lie to themselves, I say good riddance.

I am creeped out by people who claim their parents had a perfect marriage -- they are usually out of touch and delusional in other areas of life, too. I say this as someone who is in a very happy marriage.

I agree. Usually, it just means that their parents were better at hiding their fights or had deep simmering issues that were never shared with children. Children know nothing about their parents’ marriage. No matter what they THINK they know.

[Anonymous]

Read the book “marry him” by Lori gotleib. I read it when dating serially in my mid twenties and it helped me focus on the important things I was looking for.

[Anonymous]

Marry a guy who is responsible and isn’t constantly blaming everyone else for his life, like parents, friends, coworkers or bosses. Pay attention to how your partner handles high stress situations. Does he scream, name call, shut down or give the silent treatment? -_run.ist be responsible with money. Marry a grown up not someone you “hope” will grow up. This is a new one that just occurred to me in the last few weeks. We have been dealing with some major life challenges including g a parent with dementia who we as to move to memor care during COVID and a kid acting out and two full time jobs and all kinds of house repairs etc. I said to him “ I fee lien you get stuck doing all the shit work for our family” and he said totally honestly- That he like doing all the dad things and being responsible for his family. It definitely makes him fee like a man—. So find a guy who finds that kind of role fulfilling and enriching to his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am early 40s. Married 10 years and recently divorced.

My advice to young women is seriously this:

Do not get married.

There is literally no advantage nowadays to marriage for women. None whatsoever. The only exception is if you want to be a mother and a husband is willing to support you as a SAHM for the marriage.

Exhibit A on the effects of the wrong choice.

+1. Sorry this PP is so bitter, but she is also completely wrong and obviously not seeing her role in making a bad choice.

Overall, being married is 100% better than being single. You become a better person when you are married, through the sheer force of the institution of marriage alone.

Gag, vomit. Single mom by choice here. Having read these boards for years, the thing I am most grateful for is not getting married. Great boyfriends and friends in my life, though.

[Anonymous]

^^ you shouldn't use the relationship boards as a full view of real life. People seeking advice or coming here to complain are a self selecting slice of the world.

[Anonymous]

^^
Are you saying that my being single by choice is not a full view of real life? I am 52 with a 12-year old daughter... What do you think is not real in my life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Judge Judy says: Beauty fades, Dumb is forever-
Find someone who is not only intelligent, but also has emotional intelligence
-Financially responsible
- A man/woman should not be the plan- Find your own purpose and be able to self care. Bring something to the table.
-Kind to all including animals
-If you marry outside your culture or race, make sure that you're both open minded about differences and celebrate them and be able to communicate well.
-Someone who has patience and kindness and the same perspective in life
-Agreeable on religion and having or not having kids

This is great advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am early 40s. Married 10 years and recently divorced.

My advice to young women is seriously this:

Do not get married.

There is literally no advantage nowadays to marriage for women. None whatsoever. The only exception is if you want to be a mother and a husband is willing to support you as a SAHM for the marriage.

Exhibit A on the effects of the wrong choice.

+1. Sorry this PP is so bitter, but she is also completely wrong and obviously not seeing her role in making a bad choice.

Overall, being married is 100% better than being single. You become a better person when you are married, through the sheer force of the institution of marriage alone.

It would be nice if this were true, but it simply isn't. That's not to say people shouldn't get married if that's what they want.. but they shouldn't do it to avoid being single or to become better people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Avoid people who put their parents or their parents' relationship on a pedestal. This includes someone with a "good" childhood and "happily" married parents.

My spouse does this and his dad was horrible. It's so weird, once he died he became a Saint. Why do people lie to themselves, I say good riddance.

I am creeped out by people who claim their parents had a perfect marriage -- they are usually out of touch and delusional in other areas of life, too. I say this as someone who is in a very happy marriage.

I agree. Usually, it just means that their parents were better at hiding their fights or had deep simmering issues that were never shared with children. Children know nothing about their parents’ marriage. No matter what they THINK they know.

Agreed. I also feel people who claim their parents had a perfect marriage and they had a perfect childhood tend to have rather large blindspots regarding dysfunction. I'd much rather be with someone who had an imperfect childhood who was aware that relationships can be difficult, and who had done the work on their own to heal, was aware of the dysfunction in their family of origin, and willing to work to not repeat the same mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Discuss birth control, and who will be responsible for it.

[Anonymous]

Sees marriage as team effort not a competition.
Kind to people and animals.
On the same page on the things that matter most to you.
Not ashamed of hard work to care for his family.
When you have an argument he never tries to intentionally hurt you...no low blows.