Why are people attracted to mean/toxic people, especially if they have a lot of options?

[Anonymous]

Just curious to hear what people think. This could be romantically or friendship. I’m talking about people who aren’t bored and not for lack of good alternatives, whether that means supportive and positive friends or a lot of suitors that actually are a great catch.

[Anonymous]

They're hot and have a lot of charisma. Some predators need to attract the prey

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're hot and have a lot of charisma. Some predators need to attract the prey

But let’s say they aren’t hot. Just kind of plain and toxic.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to be the positive friend or are you the great catch, OP?

[Anonymous]

Poor self esteem, childhood trauma usually

[Anonymous]

Because they like the drama and have no self esteem. Generally make poor choices.

[Anonymous]

A friend is married to a woman who appears (from my vantage point) to be toxic. She's very controlling, is often bubbling over with anger, spends a lot of time verbally tearing others down, etc. He has said he's not happy and he knows she is not a happy person. I never understood why he stayed. In conversation it came out that he is the adult child of a very abusive alcoholic. A (very sad) light bulb went off. His understanding of love and relationships was colored by what he saw growing up. In short, he doesn't know anything different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're hot and have a lot of charisma. Some predators need to attract the prey

This is what I see most. I have a gorgeous single friend who is in amazing shape and has a lot to bring to the table. Her type is the super charismatic gorgeous d-bag who treats her horribly. I will NEVER understand it. Looks (even in men) only go so far in my opinion. One guy told her on the first date that his job comes first, then his kids, then his parent, then his friends (and on and on) and whoever he dated would be the bottom of the totem pole. She dated him for months. He was really attractive with a great body. And he totally lived up to his word. I just don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Only women ever do this. And I don’t know why. Interested to hear the replies. It’s the alpha F$&ks / beta bucks stereotype?

Being mean/toxic is NOT an attractive quality in a woman to men. Physical hotness dictates, and can overcome the negative of being mean/toxic. But it’s still a negative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only women ever do this. And I don’t know why. Interested to hear the replies. It’s the alpha F$&ks / beta bucks stereotype?

Being mean/toxic is NOT an attractive quality in a woman to men. Physical hotness dictates, and can overcome the negative of being mean/toxic. But it’s still a negative.

Not true!! Some men are definitely turned on by batsh@t crazy. A lot of them.

[Anonymous]

Some people hide those characteristics fairly well for a year or more. Once people are in deep the facade starts to crack and the true personality slowly emerges.

Everyone is on their best behavior early in relationships.

[Anonymous]

I'll bite. I grew up in a dysfunctional household, and so chose dysfunctional men because that was comfortable to me.

[Anonymous]

Makes them feel superior, after all, they are better than the toxic people AND they're still hanging around them.

Some people count friends, not the quality of friends.

Toxic people say and do things the "nice" friends secretly support, such as ridiculing others that the "nice" people secretly do not like.

[Anonymous]

They make you feel special initially. They tend to have "in" groups of people they approve of, and criticize or mock others, and it can feel great to be an exception, a chosen one. People seek their approval. Its a sort of trap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only women ever do this. And I don’t know why. Interested to hear the replies. It’s the alpha F$&ks / beta bucks stereotype?

Being mean/toxic is NOT an attractive quality in a woman to men. Physical hotness dictates, and can overcome the negative of being mean/toxic. But it’s still a negative.

I know an equal number of men in relationships with toxic women. People like to talk about women having "daddy issues" but there are men out there with "mommy issues" as well.