Why are people attracted to mean/toxic people, especially if they have a lot of options?

[Anonymous]

When I was younger, I worshipped the queen bee of the moment, and competed for the “best friend” position. It never happened.

Now I see that I was seeking their protection and big “sistering”. I perceived them as powerful, and wanted to be under their wing.

[Anonymous]

They’re repeating emotional pathways that feel comforting. It’s like cutting yourself for people who are cutters.

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen guys marry demanding miserable women. The women are never happy and always disappointed/angry/condescending to their spouse. He desperately tries to make her happy.
I have a theory that early in the relationship she was demanding/had high standards and once or twice he was able to make her happy. He felt so good that he was able to meet her standards and made her happy (huge dopamine hit), that he spends years trying to do it again. She controls him by almost being happy, he was “this close” but then he messed it up (not really, she moved the goal post).

Rinse, repeat...

[Anonymous]

Because toxic people have the best sex. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was told people from 'normal' families do not have the ability to recognize those with risk factors from troubled, dysfunctional pasts. They don't know that: hurt people will hurt people.

I completely see this. They can't fathom the innate dysfunction or mental issues in people and assume the best. The 'broken' people can put on one helluva an act and these trusting souls are completely baffled when the meanness and toxicity starts to rear its head---sometimes its several years into marriage before these people they married started acting out what they saw as children growing up.

Oof. +1

This happened to me. What a horrendous "education". Awful.

+100

+1,000

[Anonymous]

People think men don't fall for toxic, but they do. Narcissist women are great at hiding who they are and conforming to whatever he likes/wants or thinks he needs, UNTIL he is snared. This is at either marriage or first child. Then it all goes to hell. I have seen it with my own father, friends, and exes.

Who is at risk of it? I really don't know for sure, but I think the male victim has some kind of unresolved trauma from childhood, even if it is not apparent to others. This is what I have observed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poor self esteem, childhood trauma usually

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