Who looks after the childless elderly?

[Anonymous]

What happens to most childless people when they get too old to really take care of themselves? For the last 10-15 years of my grandmother’s life after she was widowed, my mother and her siblings watched out for her. My grandmother still lived alone, but her kids handled her finances, made sure she was regularly seeing the doctor, had the neighbors check in with her, got her set up with delivery services. My Aunt would even call her every morning to make sure she took her medicine. My father did many of the same things for his mother. There was a time she was obviously going to get scammed out of some money and he was able to step in and prevent it from happening. He helped her make many decisions such as satellite vs cable, how to use a cell phone, what plan she should use. Once my grandma was in her 80’s she really wasn’t at a point where she could make the decisions on her own. When it was time for her to move into a nursing home, he researched facilities very carefully, and even though he doesn’t live nearby he calls frequently and does his best to make sure she is getting decent care. What happens to childless adults when they are no longer mentally sharp? I guess so,e of them have nieces and nephews who might take care of them, but it doesn’t seem that too many nieces and nephews really rise to this level of caregiving especially in this age where families are often spread out and a lot of people never even get to know their Aunts and Uncles very well.

[Anonymous]

they get long-term care and pay people.

[Anonymous]

you have to plan or you become a ward of the state

[Anonymous]

nieces and nephews

I have two childless aunts I will most likely end up caring for

[Anonymous]

You have to plan to look.after yourself, save enough money, and decide on a care community for your old age. Even if you have relatives, they may or may not step up.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully a niece or nephew. They are very vulnerable to abuse. People on DCUM think having money will protect them as they age, but they just don’t realize how vulnerable you can be when you you are elderly. This story haunts me, and the couple even had a daughter looking after them, and they were still abused. They’d never have been found if it weren’t for her.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/10/09/how-the-elderly-lose-their-rights

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully a niece or nephew. They are very vulnerable to abuse. People on DCUM think having money will protect them as they age, but they just don’t realize how vulnerable you can be when you you are elderly. This story haunts me, and the couple even had a daughter looking after them, and they were still abused. They’d never have been found if it weren’t for her.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/10/09/how-the-elderly-lose-their-rights

And relatives never prey on their wealthy relatives.

[Anonymous]

Hate to break it to you but just b/c you have kids doesn't mean they will take care of you...ask people in ASL and SNF many of them have children.

[Anonymous]

I plan to kill myself when I start going downhill. I don't want to live like that. I've felt this way since I was a teenager, and I'm 43 now. My stance has never wavered. Suicide or assisted suicide. I'm not going to have someone wiping my ass or doing my thinking for me.

[Anonymous]

I worry about this a lot, OP. I'm an only child (so no nieces or nephews), and I don't have children of my own. I thought at least I had my husband, but he was cheating with men so now we're divorcing.

It's one thing to say you'll develop a plan for eldercare, but life doesn't always work linearly like that. My 65-yr-old divorced mom (several states away) got pneumonia, which led to sepsis, and if her roommate/tenant hadn't found her, she'd be dead. And then I had to spend a month with her, handling relapses and ER visits and home-health-care. She would've died several times over during that month, if that were possible.

I'm screwed.

[Anonymous]

They have a lot more money and should be investing and saving better. Long term care insurance.

I really worry about DH's aunt and uncle. They have no one else and are not particularly healthy. Currently my inlaws help them out a lot, but my inlaws are moving to another state for retirement.

[Anonymous]

You save and make a plan to hire help and a skilled facility if/when needed. EVERYONE should do this. It is your own responsibility even if you have children. Your children may want to care for you and move you in with them, but they aren’t obligated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I plan to kill myself when I start going downhill. I don't want to live like that. I've felt this way since I was a teenager, and I'm 43 now. My stance has never wavered. Suicide or assisted suicide. I'm not going to have someone wiping my ass or doing my thinking for me.

I'm with you. Once it's clear my quality of life is drastically declining, I'm out.

[Anonymous]

You pay people a ton. Attorneys, continuing care communities, long term insurance plans.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. And you get everything in writing, with lawyers involved.