Who looks after the childless elderly?

[Anonymous]

They fall down or have an accident in their apartments or houses and call 911. They go to the hospital and a social worker tries to help them find someone to help them when they are discharged. Hospitals are not supposed to just kick people to the curb. Many times they go from a hospital to a rehab to a medicare paid skilled nursing facility.

[Anonymous]

The New Yorker article was about a very specific legal issue that allows corrupt, for profit, commercial “guardians” to effectively steal from and falsely imprison perfectly competent adults with false court documents and corrupt doctors. It is unlikely that this is tolerated in Mass, but less surprising in Nevada.

[Anonymous]

Nieces, nephews and godchildren.

However let me remind you that the vast majority of lonely and forgotten old people are not childless. Visit any nursing home if you need proof.

[Anonymous]

I have a decent amount of retirement savings and no debt but am childless. Yeah I am scared for my old age. But you know who does all the work for my parents? Me. My two siblings with kids don't do jack. Which has actually hurt my savings. And even though my parents use their savings to hire people to take care of them, I manage all of that. I think the key is, do you have dementia? How old people who dont have kids and have dementia wind up in old age I do not know. I am scared for my old age for sure.

[Anonymous]

I'm dealing with this with my childless aunt now, and it is really tough even if you have family that cares about you. I would recommend moving into a continuum of care community when you are still definitely at the independent living stage so that there are supports around you if/when you start to falter mentally or physically. Hopefully then you will have relationships with people who know you and can see that it is time for you to move to assisted living or skilled nursing, and the pathway to the higher level of care is already in place.

Also, all of you saying "I'm just going to kill myself," are sticking your heads in the sand. It's not a plan, and if you decline to the point where you think that would be necessary, you will have gone past the point where it is possible. My aunt has said that she's going to kill herself when it gets really bad, and putting aside that it breaks my heart, the truth is that she doesn't have the mental capacity to do it at this point. Cognitive decline includes a decline in executive function, and it is very difficult for someone with compromised executive function to decide anything, let alone something of such importance, and then plan it and execute the plan. Saying you're not going to plan for being incapacitated in old age because you'll kill yourself when the time comes is like saying you are not going to save for retirement because you plan to work until the day you die. It's just a way of putting off facing some difficult realities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The New Yorker article was about a very specific legal issue that allows corrupt, for profit, commercial “guardians” to effectively steal from and falsely imprison perfectly competent adults with false court documents and corrupt doctors. It is unlikely that this is tolerated in Mass, but less surprising in Nevada.

The rise of this industry has made it difficult for adult children with good intentions to get guardianship. My sisters and I had to sue to get guardianship when my dad was in the middle stages of dementia. He had enough fight in him to resist but all his critical thinking skills were gone. We won but had a number of restrictions placed on us by the court including being unable to move him to a facility unless we go back to court. We had to fight to be caregivers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The New Yorker article was about a very specific legal issue that allows corrupt, for profit, commercial “guardians” to effectively steal from and falsely imprison perfectly competent adults with false court documents and corrupt doctors. It is unlikely that this is tolerated in Mass, but less surprising in Nevada.

The rise of this industry has made it difficult for adult children with good intentions to get guardianship. My sisters and I had to sue to get guardianship when my dad was in the middle stages of dementia. He had enough fight in him to resist but all his critical thinking skills were gone. We won but had a number of restrictions placed on us by the court including being unable to move him to a facility unless we go back to court. We had to fight to be caregivers.

It was shocking to me to learn of this “industry”. It’s quite astonishing that it is allowed to exist. My parents are still okay, but I need to learn more about this whole subject. Thanks to the poster of the NY article and follow up here. Can anyone suggest useful resources to educate myself about this subject?

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I plan to kill myself when I start going downhill. I don't want to live like that. I've felt this way since I was a teenager, and I'm 43 now. My stance has never wavered. Suicide or assisted suicide. I'm not going to have someone wiping my ass or doing my thinking for me.

I don’t plan on living much after my parents are gone. I don’t have children or a partner. I’m an only child. I will stay alive just for my parents so they are taken care of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The New Yorker article was about a very specific legal issue that allows corrupt, for profit, commercial “guardians” to effectively steal from and falsely imprison perfectly competent adults with false court documents and corrupt doctors. It is unlikely that this is tolerated in Mass, but less surprising in Nevada.

The rise of this industry has made it difficult for adult children with good intentions to get guardianship. My sisters and I had to sue to get guardianship when my dad was in the middle stages of dementia. He had enough fight in him to resist but all his critical thinking skills were gone. We won but had a number of restrictions placed on us by the court including being unable to move him to a facility unless we go back to court. We had to fight to be caregivers.

Then, he was not at the level of needing guardianship. I got guardianship. It was very simple. Filed the paperwork. Court assigned an attorney, she agreed, 5 minute court hearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
They become homeless.

Some of them do. It's tragic.

[Anonymous]

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/10/09/how-the-elderly-lose-their-rights

This is scary? Can this still happen? Or only in Nevada?

[Anonymous]

I hope in future robots will take over eldercare. Like in Wall-e.

I have been looking after my ILs and my DH's aunt since past 10 years. They live next to us in their own homes. We bought the properties together. Before COVID, I would go with my cleaning lady and clean their homes, check up on their supplies, change sheets, make a list of what they were running out etc. Since the pandemic, I don't have the help of the cleaning lady and I am not able to clean properly. Bedsheets are being changed every 2-3 weeks. I am cooking dinner for everyone and we all are eating at my IL's home. DH runs the dishes. We are talking 5 adults and 2 kids. I have no problems looking after them because they are still mobile and able to take care of themselves. Every 3-4 weeks, DH's brother and his family, his cousin sister (aunt's DD) and her family and all of us met up for a casual haircut/potluck day. Another neighbor who is a hairdresser cut the hair of everyone who needed a cut in IL's backyard. We make something simple to eat - lasagna-soup-salad, pasta-soup-salad, pizza-soup-salad, baked chicken-rice-salad, tacos-salad etc. Parents run errands because all kids are together (9 cousins in all). I give the oldies pedicures and cut their toenails. Between DH, BIL, cousin and I, we handle banking and medical appts for them.

All of this was pre-COVID. The entire extended family with help from paid service providers were able to look after them. With COVID, it has become very hard and not easy to look after everyone the way we were used to. The isolation has really made them sad and scared. I feel that they aged 10 years. It was a hard time because kids had to quarantine themselves and then I had to quarantine myself to make sure that we are not contagious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The New Yorker article was about a very specific legal issue that allows corrupt, for profit, commercial “guardians” to effectively steal from and falsely imprison perfectly competent adults with false court documents and corrupt doctors. It is unlikely that this is tolerated in Mass, but less surprising in Nevada.

The rise of this industry has made it difficult for adult children with good intentions to get guardianship. My sisters and I had to sue to get guardianship when my dad was in the middle stages of dementia. He had enough fight in him to resist but all his critical thinking skills were gone. We won but had a number of restrictions placed on us by the court including being unable to move him to a facility unless we go back to court. We had to fight to be caregivers.

Then, he was not at the level of needing guardianship. I got guardianship. It was very simple. Filed the paperwork. Court assigned an attorney, she agreed, 5 minute court hearing.

GFY. You have no idea what you are talking about. We had ample medical documentation; photographs of the house where he lived that he was destroying piece by piece including taking apart plumbing systems while he worked on the electric box. He was getting lost in the place where he lived his entire adult life and could no longer drive. He decided that the daughter he was closest to was "out to get him" and steal his belongings. He was always an angry person and that was magnified during the angry phase of dementia. He fought guardianship because he didn't understand what was happening. The anger finally passed and now he requires 24hour care that we have to organize in his house. He is now an invalid and a ramp went in today. The help is asking for a lift. That's expensive but so is going back to court. Good times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm dealing with this with my childless aunt now, and it is really tough even if you have family that cares about you. I would recommend moving into a continuum of care community when you are still definitely at the independent living stage so that there are supports around you if/when you start to falter mentally or physically. Hopefully then you will have relationships with people who know you and can see that it is time for you to move to assisted living or skilled nursing, and the pathway to the higher level of care is already in place.

Also, all of you saying "I'm just going to kill myself," are sticking your heads in the sand. It's not a plan, and if you decline to the point where you think that would be necessary, you will have gone past the point where it is possible. My aunt has said that she's going to kill herself when it gets really bad, and putting aside that it breaks my heart, the truth is that she doesn't have the mental capacity to do it at this point. Cognitive decline includes a decline in executive function, and it is very difficult for someone with compromised executive function to decide anything, let alone something of such importance, and then plan it and execute the plan. Saying you're not going to plan for being incapacitated in old age because you'll kill yourself when the time comes is like saying you are not going to save for retirement because you plan to work until the day you die. It's just a way of putting off facing some difficult realities.

g

Well, all the people who are talking about saving scads of money to pay for services isn't realistic either. Not everyone without family is rich. And continuing care costs more than many of us make -- let alone what we can save at best. So it may be putting off so e difficult realities -- but not all of us have the wherewithal to save for decent solutions. So we're screwed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:they get long-term care and pay people.

But there is often a gap between when that happens and their ability to make decisions about it. Many seniors aren’t at the point where they need long term care, but still aren’t thinking too clearly. Also a lot of elderly people are very stubborn. My grandmother had to essentially be forced into a nursing home by my dad even though there was no way she could take care of herself at home.