DH put home purchase in his name only

[Anonymous]

Married 7 years and I started house hunting alone. Took almost a year to finally find the perfect home. Price, size, location etc.. A year into our marriage he told me when we buy the next home my name would be on it too. Well DH put the home in his name only. Of course he said he never told me that. Ugh I should’ve recorded the conversation. I don’t work so of course I didn’t put a penny into the house except for 50 hrs a week of design work because he wants nothing to do with that part . Anyhoo, my attitude is whatever but my issue is I can’t bring myself to refer to this house as mine or ours. I always say things like, “I’ll meet you at THE house” , “I’ll be at THE house shortly”.. And boy, when Ive referred to the house as yours or his OMG he gets so angry with me! I really have to bite my tongue at times. Meanwhile I have numerous girlfriends in the same exact situation as me but they have no problem with this and refer to their home as theirs, mine , ours.. Why am I so sensitive and they’re fine? Imo we’re all basically tenants. And yes, my circle of friends are mostly wealthy 2nd marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married 7 years and I started house hunting alone. Took almost a year to finally find the perfect home. Price, size, location etc.. A year into our marriage he told me when we buy the next home my name would be on it too. Well DH put the home in his name only. Of course he said he never told me that. Ugh I should’ve recorded the conversation. I don’t work so of course I didn’t put a penny into the house except for 50 hrs a week of design work because he wants nothing to do with that part . Anyhoo, my attitude is whatever but my issue is I can’t bring myself to refer to this house as mine or ours. I always say things like, “I’ll meet you at THE house” , “I’ll be at THE house shortly”.. And boy, when Ive referred to the house as yours or his OMG he gets so angry with me! I really have to bite my tongue at times. Meanwhile I have numerous girlfriends in the same exact situation as me but they have no problem with this and refer to their home as theirs, mine , ours.. Why am I so sensitive and they’re fine? Imo we’re all basically tenants. And yes, my circle of friends are mostly wealthy 2nd marriages.

Well that explains a lot. You are not your husbands partner. You are a tenant. I hope you are saving some of your allowance each month so that you have enough to pay a retainer to a divorce lawyer when the time comes.

PS. You need to get a job. You’ll need it in the future.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he learned well from his first divorce.

[Anonymous]

How many more threads are you going to start about this? It sounds like you need a therapist.

[Anonymous]

You are a dumbass. Leave. Now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married 7 years and I started house hunting alone. Took almost a year to finally find the perfect home. Price, size, location etc.. A year into our marriage he told me when we buy the next home my name would be on it too. Well DH put the home in his name only. Of course he said he never told me that. Ugh I should’ve recorded the conversation. I don’t work so of course I didn’t put a penny into the house except for 50 hrs a week of design work because he wants nothing to do with that part . Anyhoo, my attitude is whatever but my issue is I can’t bring myself to refer to this house as mine or ours. I always say things like, “I’ll meet you at THE house” , “I’ll be at THE house shortly”.. And boy, when Ive referred to the house as yours or his OMG he gets so angry with me! I really have to bite my tongue at times. Meanwhile I have numerous girlfriends in the same exact situation as me but they have no problem with this and refer to their home as theirs, mine , ours.. Why am I so sensitive and they’re fine? Imo we’re all basically tenants. And yes, my circle of friends are mostly wealthy 2nd marriages.

Are you saying that you're not on the deed? Or you're not on the mortgage note. Not being on the mortgage note, means nothing except to lenders. it actually protects you if something happens to your DH. Not being on the title/deed might be another matter, but you're definitely more than a "tenant" in the eyes of the law if you're married and it's your primary residence.
Still, not being on the title/deed is crummy-- it says a lot about how he views equality in your marriage- he views you as subordinate, whether the law agrees or not. That's probably your real issue.

[Anonymous]

Guys are territorial like this
If you stay happily married until death do you part, it will hurt you if he dies before you do

Banks were ok with it because I guess the mortgage is in his name

[Anonymous]

If you’re married and acquired the home together, how is that not marital property (like if you divorce)?

[Anonymous]

You should record any kind of work you put on the house. I mean take pictures, notes, including the hours you work on a project.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re married and acquired the home together, how is that not marital property (like if you divorce)?

+1

[Anonymous]

When my home was purchased I had to physically be there to sign off on being on the deed. He could not have just put your name on it anyway. It would probably be viewed as marital property if there was ever a divorce, but that wouldn't mean much anyway if you could not afford to refinance it in your name and then buy him out. If you don't work then it sounds like he has purchased everything anyway. Do you consider the furniture his? The cars? The food? You're going to have to reconcile in your mind that this marital arrangement is what YOU agreed to. You either look at this "stuff" as both of yours or you don't.

[Anonymous]

Tenants? Really? You have a ring on your finger and I'm assuming thousands to spend each month, and you feel you are a "Tenant" to your husband? Yes, perhaps it's technically wrong for both of your names not to be on the deed. However, you are reaching. Ask yourself this question: If it bothers you this much why not leave him?

Ask yourself this question also: If you're married and you end up getting divorced, what difference does it make? All assets are separated regardless if the house doesn't have your name on it. Unless you signed a prenup (I assume you did not).

Now, all that said it's clear your marriage isn't too great. Because being realistic if two were really together he would want to share everything with you. I would look at your relationship first before looking at assets.

PS: Spending time and money decorating your house is not work. Sorry, but that's the truth. I laugh when people act like living in a home is "work". Is shopping work? Is spending money work? Let's be serious here.

[Anonymous]

Ask your DH to add you to the deed. In DC, this can be done with a 1-page form and has no impact on your mortgage or taxes (if you are married). If he refuses, push him for a reason, a real one. If he still refuses, then counseling. This is a weird power play on his part, and an ineffective one. As others have said, in the event of divorce, you would likely get 1/2 anyway.

In my case, DH owned the house before we were together. He refused to put me on the deed after marriage, even though we were both paying equally for the mortgage. Then, he lost his job, which was the impetus for us to finally combine our finances (because I was supporting both of us), and I made adding my name to the deed a non-negotiable part of that. Doesn't help you, because your situation is different, but I have been where you are and I get what you are feeling.

[Anonymous]

You’re not a tenant - tenants pay rent. You’re an employee. But I suspect you knew that going in.

[Anonymous]

Oh gosh, OP - you’re back? Just let it go already. You got your answers last time. Jesus - your annoying.