DH put home purchase in his name only

[Anonymous]

This is not about the house.

It sounds like you're not ok with the feeling of financially relying on someone else who doesn't see you as a true partner. At the same time, you like the lifestyle and the money. This is the trade-off when you marry for money and don't work and it sounds like you aren't ok with it. That's ok.

I would love to not have to work and to live a lavish life on someone else's dime but I know myself enough to know that would cause me too much stress. It sounds like it causes you too much stress too. Maybe you should look into building some job skills and starting to volunteer or work part-time in an industry you're interested in. That could help you feel more confident in your ability to provide should your DH dump you and keep the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tenants? Really? You have a ring on your finger and I'm assuming thousands to spend each month, and you feel you are a "Tenant" to your husband? Yes, perhaps it's technically wrong for both of your names not to be on the deed. However, you are reaching. Ask yourself this question: If it bothers you this much why not leave him?

Ask yourself this question also: If you're married and you end up getting divorced, what difference does it make? All assets are separated regardless if the house doesn't have your name on it. Unless you signed a prenup (I assume you did not).

Now, all that said it's clear your marriage isn't too great. Because being realistic if two were really together he would want to share everything with you. I would look at your relationship first before looking at assets.

PS: Spending time and money decorating your house is not work. Sorry, but that's the truth. I laugh when people act like living in a home is "work". Is shopping work? Is spending money work? Let's be serious here.

The house was paid for in full with cash. When marrying someone with money prenup of course. We have a good marriage for the most part. He’s extremely generous and easy to live with. Also, I don’t have one friend who didn’t sign a prenup and not one has their name on the home or homes they reside in. I even have a friend who works her butt off who’s DH just left her for a young chick and I found out her name isn’t on the home they built. And she put her earned money into that home!

Sorry but I (a woman) just can't relate to people like you and your peers. You want partnership in business/ financial matters, but act like children (i.e. dependents) in other respects. You call your husband "generous" which shows you think of him as sharing what HE has (not what you both own). That is accurate, I guess, given the type of arrangement you have signed up for.

+1 I also don't have friends like you and your friends. You all must be suffering from affluence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My neighbor discovered recently that her name was not of the title. First marriage for both, but her husband is a completely dick.

I'm so sorry, OP. It's so disrespectful and controlling. Disgusting.

How can you recently discover something like this? It should be obvious from the time of closing.

Apparently only the husband went to the closing? No idea. I think people don’t understand how these things work and trust their spouses.

[Anonymous]

He is a moron. This hurts him more than helps.

My wife doesn’t work, she isn’t on the mortgage but is on the the title.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is happily married and does not need a divorce lawyer

If OP constantly seething over this means she's in a happy marriage, I'd love to see what you think an unhappy marriage looks like...

90% of the marriages I see I wouldn’t trade places trust me. So many things my friends say about their DH and I think omg I wouldn’t put up with that for a sec! “Oh I noticed he’s getting a little too friendly with a FB friend”, (who’s a woman)and “my DH spends 6 hrs straight playing video games”, (he’s 42 with 5 kids), and “my DH sends HIS son to an elite private school while I struggle to pay half the bills and college tuitions for MY 3 sons”, (he makes way more $ then her) and My DH is impotent and when I suggested viagra he glared at me and told me to drop the subject”.. These are just tidbits of many things my friends tell me about their DHs ... So yeah in comparison you’re damn straight I have a good marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is happily married and does not need a divorce lawyer

If OP constantly seething over this means she's in a happy marriage, I'd love to see what you think an unhappy marriage looks like...

90% of the marriages I see I wouldn’t trade places trust me. So many things my friends say about their DH and I think omg I wouldn’t put up with that for a sec! “Oh I noticed he’s getting a little too friendly with a FB friend”, (who’s a woman)and “my DH spends 6 hrs straight playing video games”, (he’s 42 with 5 kids), and “my DH sends HIS son to an elite private school while I struggle to pay half the bills and college tuitions for MY 3 sons”, (he makes way more $ then her) and My DH is impotent and when I suggested viagra he glared at me and told me to drop the subject”.. These are just tidbits of many things my friends tell me about their DHs ... So yeah in comparison you’re damn straight I have a good marriage.

It sounds like your friends have unhappy marriages. It also sounds like you have an unhappy marriage, but in a different way from theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my home was purchased I had to physically be there to sign off on being on the deed. He could not have just put your name on it anyway. It would probably be viewed as marital property if there was ever a divorce, but that wouldn't mean much anyway if you could not afford to refinance it in your name and then buy him out. If you don't work then it sounds like he has purchased everything anyway. Do you consider the furniture his? The cars? The food? You're going to have to reconcile in your mind that this marital arrangement is what YOU agreed to. You either look at this "stuff" as both of yours or you don't.

I was not present when we purchased our home and my DH had the power to sign for me as well and both our names are on the deed (and on the mortgage)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tenants? Really? You have a ring on your finger and I'm assuming thousands to spend each month, and you feel you are a "Tenant" to your husband? Yes, perhaps it's technically wrong for both of your names not to be on the deed. However, you are reaching. Ask yourself this question: If it bothers you this much why not leave him?

Ask yourself this question also: If you're married and you end up getting divorced, what difference does it make? All assets are separated regardless if the house doesn't have your name on it. Unless you signed a prenup (I assume you did not).

Now, all that said it's clear your marriage isn't too great. Because being realistic if two were really together he would want to share everything with you. I would look at your relationship first before looking at assets.

PS: Spending time and money decorating your house is not work. Sorry, but that's the truth. I laugh when people act like living in a home is "work". Is shopping work? Is spending money work? Let's be serious here.

The house was paid for in full with cash. When marrying someone with money prenup of course. We have a good marriage for the most part. He’s extremely generous and easy to live with. Also, I don’t have one friend who didn’t sign a prenup and not one has their name on the home or homes they reside in. I even have a friend who works her butt off who’s DH just left her for a young chick and I found out her name isn’t on the home they built. And she put her earned money into that home!

Sorry but I (a woman) just can't relate to people like you and your peers. You want partnership in business/ financial matters, but act like children (i.e. dependents) in other respects. You call your husband "generous" which shows you think of him as sharing what HE has (not what you both own). That is accurate, I guess, given the type of arrangement you have signed up for.

+1 I also don't have friends like you and your friends. You all must be suffering from affluence.

This

DW and I dropped some really good friends after they married because of what is described above. She go in a car accident and their premium went up roughly $200 a year, he made her pay the difference. They split everything 50/50 out of separate bank accounts. Grocery store, half goes on his card and half on hers. Fast casual, they ordered and paid separately.

The number of stupid venmo transactions for reimbursing each other was laughable. Her sending $10 for half a bottle of wine that was $20, which he picked up on his way home. $20, for her portion of sushi from dinner, paid the minute they walked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tenants? Really? You have a ring on your finger and I'm assuming thousands to spend each month, and you feel you are a "Tenant" to your husband? Yes, perhaps it's technically wrong for both of your names not to be on the deed. However, you are reaching. Ask yourself this question: If it bothers you this much why not leave him?

Ask yourself this question also: If you're married and you end up getting divorced, what difference does it make? All assets are separated regardless if the house doesn't have your name on it. Unless you signed a prenup (I assume you did not).

Now, all that said it's clear your marriage isn't too great. Because being realistic if two were really together he would want to share everything with you. I would look at your relationship first before looking at assets.

PS: Spending time and money decorating your house is not work. Sorry, but that's the truth. I laugh when people act like living in a home is "work". Is shopping work? Is spending money work? Let's be serious here.

The house was paid for in full with cash. When marrying someone with money prenup of course. We have a good marriage for the most part. He’s extremely generous and easy to live with. Also, I don’t have one friend who didn’t sign a prenup and not one has their name on the home or homes they reside in. I even have a friend who works her butt off who’s DH just left her for a young chick and I found out her name isn’t on the home they built. And she put her earned money into that home!

Sorry but I (a woman) just can't relate to people like you and your peers. You want partnership in business/ financial matters, but act like children (i.e. dependents) in other respects. You call your husband "generous" which shows you think of him as sharing what HE has (not what you both own). That is accurate, I guess, given the type of arrangement you have signed up for.

+1 I also don't have friends like you and your friends. You all must be suffering from affluence.

This

DW and I dropped some really good friends after they married because of what is described above. She go in a car accident and their premium went up roughly $200 a year, he made her pay the difference. They split everything 50/50 out of separate bank accounts. Grocery store, half goes on his card and half on hers. Fast casual, they ordered and paid separately.

The number of stupid venmo transactions for reimbursing each other was laughable. Her sending $10 for half a bottle of wine that was $20, which he picked up on his way home. $20, for her portion of sushi from dinner, paid the minute they walked out.

OP here .
Whoa!!! That’s unbelievable, laughable and gross.. In all my years I’ve never and would never be in such an absurd relationship like that. If I scratch a rim on one of my cars my DH shrugs and has it fixed asap without a word. Same with shopping and shopping .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tenants? Really? You have a ring on your finger and I'm assuming thousands to spend each month, and you feel you are a "Tenant" to your husband? Yes, perhaps it's technically wrong for both of your names not to be on the deed. However, you are reaching. Ask yourself this question: If it bothers you this much why not leave him?

Ask yourself this question also: If you're married and you end up getting divorced, what difference does it make? All assets are separated regardless if the house doesn't have your name on it. Unless you signed a prenup (I assume you did not).

Now, all that said it's clear your marriage isn't too great. Because being realistic if two were really together he would want to share everything with you. I would look at your relationship first before looking at assets.

PS: Spending time and money decorating your house is not work. Sorry, but that's the truth. I laugh when people act like living in a home is "work". Is shopping work? Is spending money work? Let's be serious here.

The house was paid for in full with cash. When marrying someone with money prenup of course. We have a good marriage for the most part. He’s extremely generous and easy to live with. Also, I don’t have one friend who didn’t sign a prenup and not one has their name on the home or homes they reside in. I even have a friend who works her butt off who’s DH just left her for a young chick and I found out her name isn’t on the home they built. And she put her earned money into that home!

Sorry but I (a woman) just can't relate to people like you and your peers. You want partnership in business/ financial matters, but act like children (i.e. dependents) in other respects. You call your husband "generous" which shows you think of him as sharing what HE has (not what you both own). That is accurate, I guess, given the type of arrangement you have signed up for.

+1 I also don't have friends like you and your friends. You all must be suffering from affluence.

This

DW and I dropped some really good friends after they married because of what is described above. She go in a car accident and their premium went up roughly $200 a year, he made her pay the difference. They split everything 50/50 out of separate bank accounts. Grocery store, half goes on his card and half on hers. Fast casual, they ordered and paid separately.

The number of stupid venmo transactions for reimbursing each other was laughable. Her sending $10 for half a bottle of wine that was $20, which he picked up on his way home. $20, for her portion of sushi from dinner, paid the minute they walked out.

OP here .
Whoa!!! That’s unbelievable, laughable and gross.. In all my years I’ve never and would never be in such an absurd relationship like that. If I scratch a rim on one of my cars my DH shrugs and has it fixed asap without a word. Same with shopping and shopping .

You sound immature OP to be reacting like that to other people's marriages. At least I'm sure the bean-counting spouses probably have both their names on their house, and contribute together to the property unlike YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married 7 years and I started house hunting alone. Took almost a year to finally find the perfect home. Price, size, location etc.. A year into our marriage he told me when we buy the next home my name would be on it too. Well DH put the home in his name only. Of course he said he never told me that. Ugh I should’ve recorded the conversation. I don’t work so of course I didn’t put a penny into the house except for 50 hrs a week of design work because he wants nothing to do with that part . Anyhoo, my attitude is whatever but my issue is I can’t bring myself to refer to this house as mine or ours. I always say things like, “I’ll meet you at THE house” , “I’ll be at THE house shortly”.. And boy, when Ive referred to the house as yours or his OMG he gets so angry with me! I really have to bite my tongue at times. Meanwhile I have numerous girlfriends in the same exact situation as me but they have no problem with this and refer to their home as theirs, mine , ours.. Why am I so sensitive and they’re fine? Imo we’re all basically tenants. And yes, my circle of friends are mostly wealthy 2nd marriages.

Because you know it's not your house, and they don't. And you're not tenants, you're leeches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my home was purchased I had to physically be there to sign off on being on the deed. He could not have just put your name on it anyway. It would probably be viewed as marital property if there was ever a divorce, but that wouldn't mean much anyway if you could not afford to refinance it in your name and then buy him out. If you don't work then it sounds like he has purchased everything anyway. Do you consider the furniture his? The cars? The food? You're going to have to reconcile in your mind that this marital arrangement is what YOU agreed to. You either look at this "stuff" as both of yours or you don't.

I was not present when we purchased our home and my DH had the power to sign for me as well and both our names are on the deed (and on the mortgage)

If that was OP responding, why weren’t you at the closing? I was so excited when we purchased our house, I wanted to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my home was purchased I had to physically be there to sign off on being on the deed. He could not have just put your name on it anyway. It would probably be viewed as marital property if there was ever a divorce, but that wouldn't mean much anyway if you could not afford to refinance it in your name and then buy him out. If you don't work then it sounds like he has purchased everything anyway. Do you consider the furniture his? The cars? The food? You're going to have to reconcile in your mind that this marital arrangement is what YOU agreed to. You either look at this "stuff" as both of yours or you don't.

I was not present when we purchased our home and my DH had the power to sign for me as well and both our names are on the deed (and on the mortgage)

If that was OP responding, why weren’t you at the closing? I was so excited when we purchased our house, I wanted to be there.

OP here. This wasn’t me . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tenants? Really? You have a ring on your finger and I'm assuming thousands to spend each month, and you feel you are a "Tenant" to your husband? Yes, perhaps it's technically wrong for both of your names not to be on the deed. However, you are reaching. Ask yourself this question: If it bothers you this much why not leave him?

Ask yourself this question also: If you're married and you end up getting divorced, what difference does it make? All assets are separated regardless if the house doesn't have your name on it. Unless you signed a prenup (I assume you did not).

Now, all that said it's clear your marriage isn't too great. Because being realistic if two were really together he would want to share everything with you. I would look at your relationship first before looking at assets.

PS: Spending time and money decorating your house is not work. Sorry, but that's the truth. I laugh when people act like living in a home is "work". Is shopping work? Is spending money work? Let's be serious here.

The house was paid for in full with cash. When marrying someone with money prenup of course. We have a good marriage for the most part. He’s extremely generous and easy to live with. Also, I don’t have one friend who didn’t sign a prenup and not one has their name on the home or homes they reside in. I even have a friend who works her butt off who’s DH just left her for a young chick and I found out her name isn’t on the home they built. And she put her earned money into that home!

Sorry but I (a woman) just can't relate to people like you and your peers. You want partnership in business/ financial matters, but act like children (i.e. dependents) in other respects. You call your husband "generous" which shows you think of him as sharing what HE has (not what you both own). That is accurate, I guess, given the type of arrangement you have signed up for.

+1 I also don't have friends like you and your friends. You all must be suffering from affluence.

This

DW and I dropped some really good friends after they married because of what is described above. She go in a car accident and their premium went up roughly $200 a year, he made her pay the difference. They split everything 50/50 out of separate bank accounts. Grocery store, half goes on his card and half on hers. Fast casual, they ordered and paid separately.

The number of stupid venmo transactions for reimbursing each other was laughable. Her sending $10 for half a bottle of wine that was $20, which he picked up on his way home. $20, for her portion of sushi from dinner, paid the minute they walked out.

OP here .
Whoa!!! That’s unbelievable, laughable and gross.. In all my years I’ve never and would never be in such an absurd relationship like that. If I scratch a rim on one of my cars my DH shrugs and has it fixed asap without a word. Same with shopping and shopping .

You sound immature OP to be reacting like that to other people's marriages. At least I'm sure the bean-counting spouses probably have both their names on their house, and contribute together to the property unlike YOU.

Oh I know! It would really piss me off not having my name on a double wide..

[Anonymous]

OP, if you don't work and didn't pay anything towards the house, why would you expect the house to be in your name too? It's not fair to your husband.