Do you judge “perfect” family homes?

[Anonymous]

I’ve read here that people judge when they go over to a mom friend or preschool classmate’s house and see piles of laundry or dirty dishes piled up, but would you judge if you went over to someone’s house and it was too perfect? I have had people over and have had people on their kids like hawks and looking horrified at any crumb or drip of water. I think this may be because of my house - lots of glass furniture, white furniture, antiques, and it’s by no means a giant house or mansion but it generally looks very arranged and put together and clean. I have not seen people act this way at other people’s more casual houses. Would you feel comfortable coming with kids to a house like mine, or would you feel uncomfortable?

I actually don’t care if kids spill or smudge all the furniture or track mud into the hardwood floors, because I can just clean later. But I also worry that we picked furniture and furnishings that look too prissy or fussy.

[Anonymous]

I am similar and notice that people with kids don’t seem at ease in my house. My house is really clean and picked up with toddlers. Friends without kids don’t seem to notice and they seem at ease. I think people with kids get used to having disasters at home and kids have way too many toys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am similar and notice that people with kids don’t seem at ease in my house. My house is really clean and picked up with toddlers. Friends without kids don’t seem to notice and they seem at ease. I think people with kids get used to having disasters at home and kids have way too many toys

Do you do anything to try to make those people feel more comfortable? I actually think I get along better with the parents who tend to have more relaxed houses... I want to show that my mindset is relaxed but I can’t because of my fussy house and RBF. So I think people tend to assume I am uptight and strict.

[Anonymous]

No, I don’t, except I do wonder if you let your children play.

[Anonymous]

I envy them. I have a tiny home that’s so hard to tidy up.

[Anonymous]

DCUMlandia is the judgiest group of people. You will find that many people on this site have a hard time accepting and understanding families that are unlike their own. I think people in the real world are not so judgemental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I don’t, except I do wonder if you let your children play.

NP. My kids play a ton in their playroom and outside. We go on tons of hikes and playgrounds. At home toys are only allowed in the playroom. It’s right off the family room. They learned early to clean up early. We clean for 15 min before going up to read and bed. And after bed I tidy the rest of the house. No cleaning lady. I’m pretty organized and type a

[Anonymous]

I have a large home and cleaners that make my house look tidy. I don’t think my guests feel uneasy. My kids are disasters themselves so they spill things all the time. If a kid spills something, I clean it. No big deal.

We recently met other people with equally well kept homes and they seem to host more.

Over the years, I have felt self conscious about not getting invited. I wondered if my house was too clean or whether my house was too big. I don’t care anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I don’t, except I do wonder if you let your children play.

Same here. Or relax. I’d be uncomfortable bringing my kids there. They are well behaved, but kids. Yes d be mortified if the accidentally spilled something

[Anonymous]

No, unless the child was very young. After that age, the rules were always the same. Be kind, be polite, if you or your friend play with something, put it back, and I don’t want to hear anything except that you were an angel.

[Anonymous]

I swear people post this once a month. I will not judge you for having a perfect house, but I will watch my kid like a hawk and it won't be as fun for me or her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a large home and cleaners that make my house look tidy. I don’t think my guests feel uneasy. My kids are disasters themselves so they spill things all the time. If a kid spills something, I clean it. No big deal.

We recently met other people with equally well kept homes and they seem to host more.

Over the years, I have felt self conscious about not getting invited. I wondered if my house was too clean or whether my house was too big. I don’t care anymore.

I don't invite very many people over - we live in a small townhouse. Most of DD's friends live in McMansions/new builds. I worry that if they come over and see our clutter, they will judge us and won't encourage their child's friendship with DD because we are not of the same socioeconomic status as them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I don’t, except I do wonder if you let your children play.

NP. My kids play a ton in their playroom and outside. We go on tons of hikes and playgrounds. At home toys are only allowed in the playroom. It’s right off the family room. They learned early to clean up early. We clean for 15 min before going up to read and bed. And after bed I tidy the rest of the house. No cleaning lady. I’m pretty organized and type a

Most people don't have the space for a separate first floor playroom.

[Anonymous]

I sense a certain naivete, OP.

First, that decor is certainly quite intimidating for the average American family. Your guests are probably worried that if their kid cracks a glass top or spills on the white rug/couch, you'll be mad and perhaps ask them to pay for it. I suspect you've never actually had to clean certain kid messes off that kind of surface, otherwise you'd NEVER write that you're fine with it!

Are you aware of what rambunctious boys can do to a house? One of my 5 year old guests nearly cracked and toppled the upper balusters down into the stairwell, and himself along with them. A 10 year old swung a bat at my crystal chandelier, narrowly missing it; his mother had a conniption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I swear people post this once a month. I will not judge you for having a perfect house, but I will watch my kid like a hawk and it won't be as fun for me or her.

I agree with the above