Do you judge “perfect” family homes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Follow up question

Apart from buying all new furniture, what can I do to make people feel more comfortable?

Get rid of the glass table and put in something more natural. Put some blankets and pillows on the couch. Leave out the book you were reading and the toys the kids were playing with when guests show up. Frame some snapshots and kids artwork and hang them on the wall. Make coffee and offer it to your guests to drink in your living room when they come over.
But more importantly ...Don’t talk about your house! Don’t talk about your furniture, your drapes, your wallpaper, or your decorator. Don’t talk about any artwork that you haven’t actually made yourself. Don’t talk about cleaning your house, your division of labor with your husband, or whether or not your cleaning service does a good enough job.

chicken poster here. I entertain a lot -- things I do to make people feel comfortable:

"Make yourself at home"
"Don't stand on ceremony here, if you or your kids need anything don't hesitate to ask or just grab it!"
"Don't worry about shoes/mud/spills/whatever (besides a quick wipe up of liquids). I'll take care of it later, houses are to be lived in!"
"It's fine (we caught Suzie helping herself in the pantry or climbing on the couch backs/jumping on the bed)! Hey Suzie, let's get down from there and go play Legos with the other kids!"
smile
smile
be warm
smile

I do have a number of antiques but anything breakable I keep well out of reach, and I don't keep a lot of clutter at toddler level. I do have full wall bookshelves but if little Larlo pulled half a dozen out and scattered them around, which has happened on more than one occasion, I just joke about what a bookworm he's going to be and mom and I reshelve them while chatting.

[Anonymous]

I am not at all a clean freak but i agree milk stays in kitchen unless you’re talking about a toddler with a sippy cup. My kids are klutzes who spill like crazy and its really hard to get that milk smell out of stuff.

[Anonymous]

Ha. No food outside the kitchen. My ILs seem to be the only one who can’t handle this. They are fat and like to eat in front of the TV. Kids never seem to mind.

[Anonymous]

I don't judge perfect family homes, but I do assume they probably have either a maid or a SAHM and I can't always relate to that. Our house is cleanish, but it's small and lacks good storage so it always feels a little cluttered to me. I only have so much time in the week to clean before guests arrive so it's never going to be perfect.

I would definitely be paranoid that my kid would break something or spill something!

[Anonymous]

Why do people always act like it is no work or effort to create and maintain a “perfect” family home? I know a few people with homes like this, and it definitely is done to the exclusion of other things. I know that they enjoy having a home like this and like most of the process, but it is definitely something that they a significant amount of time on for months or years, and continue to spend a moderate amount of time on every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear people post this once a month. I will not judge you for having a perfect house, but I will watch my kid like a hawk and it won't be as fun for me or her.

It's just another humble brag.

+1

"Do people judge me because my house is TOO clean and perfect?" Barf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people always act like it is no work or effort to create and maintain a “perfect” family home? I know a few people with homes like this, and it definitely is done to the exclusion of other things. I know that they enjoy having a home like this and like most of the process, but it is definitely something that they a significant amount of time on for months or years, and continue to spend a moderate amount of time on every day.

Because if they act like it's no work, then (1) it's easier to judge people who don't meet their standards, and/or (2) they can pretend they aren't OCD or uptight or whatever. They want to pretend that this is really easy and they are relaxed, laid-back people. They don't want to admit that they care a lot about having everything be neat and clean and arranged just so, because they think it's not cool or something, so they act like it's not really as much effort as it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people always act like it is no work or effort to create and maintain a “perfect” family home? I know a few people with homes like this, and it definitely is done to the exclusion of other things. I know that they enjoy having a home like this and like most of the process, but it is definitely something that they a significant amount of time on for months or years, and continue to spend a moderate amount of time on every day.

I have a "perfect" house and I've never once acted like it just happens. My friends all know I'm totally Type A so they're not surprised by how organized and clean it is. I have a full-time nanny plus a maid plus I spend time keeping it up when I am home (I work full-time). Most of the burden falls on the nanny (my kids are in school full-time so she is not doing it while watching them) and maid and my husband helps as well, but it's definitely multiple hours a week from all of us to keep it looking like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Follow up question

Apart from buying all new furniture, what can I do to make people feel more comfortable?

Get rid of the glass table and put in something more natural. Put some blankets and pillows on the couch. Leave out the book you were reading and the toys the kids were playing with when guests show up. Frame some snapshots and kids artwork and hang them on the wall. Make coffee and offer it to your guests to drink in your living room when they come over.
But more importantly ...Don’t talk about your house! Don’t talk about your furniture, your drapes, your wallpaper, or your decorator. Don’t talk about any artwork that you haven’t actually made yourself. Don’t talk about cleaning your house, your division of labor with your husband, or whether or not your cleaning service does a good enough job.

chicken poster here. I entertain a lot -- things I do to make people feel comfortable:

"Make yourself at home"
"Don't stand on ceremony here, if you or your kids need anything don't hesitate to ask or just grab it!"
"Don't worry about shoes/mud/spills/whatever (besides a quick wipe up of liquids). I'll take care of it later, houses are to be lived in!"
"It's fine (we caught Suzie helping herself in the pantry or climbing on the couch backs/jumping on the bed)! Hey Suzie, let's get down from there and go play Legos with the other kids!"
smile
smile
be warm
smile

I do have a number of antiques but anything breakable I keep well out of reach, and I don't keep a lot of clutter at toddler level. I do have full wall bookshelves but if little Larlo pulled half a dozen out and scattered them around, which has happened on more than one occasion, I just joke about what a bookworm he's going to be and mom and I reshelve them while chatting.

Thank you, this is helpful!

And to respond to some PPs, I’m not acting like a clean, organized house just happens, that’s not what I mean. But it’s maybe not as difficult as people seem to think. We have cleaners come every couple weeks and I vacuum a lot due to pets and allergies. In terms decor and organizing, I’m a fan of doing it once and keeping systems in place. I’m not acting like it just happens, I just want people to understand I don’t want people to feel they are in a china shop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people always act like it is no work or effort to create and maintain a “perfect” family home? I know a few people with homes like this, and it definitely is done to the exclusion of other things. I know that they enjoy having a home like this and like most of the process, but it is definitely something that they a significant amount of time on for months or years, and continue to spend a moderate amount of time on every day.

Because if they act like it's no work, then (1) it's easier to judge people who don't meet their standards, and/or (2) they can pretend they aren't OCD or uptight or whatever. They want to pretend that this is really easy and they are relaxed, laid-back people. They don't want to admit that they care a lot about having everything be neat and clean and arranged just so, because they think it's not cool or something, so they act like it's not really as much effort as it is.

I threw away and donated most of my things and I find it easier to have things this way. It’s easier and less stressful for me to live in an organized and arranged house, and everyone who lives here knows exactly where everything goes and where to find something. Of course we occasionally misplace things or whatever, but I feel much calmer and happier since I got my house “done.” I’ve noticed my 3 year old likes things this way too because he doesn’t have to worry about losing toys or breaking them accidentally.

[Anonymous]

I used to have a lot of rules about where to eat drink, about cleaning up, etc - and now I have teens....

[Anonymous]

My home is like what you describe, but I don't care if things get messed up, as long as the damage isn't permanent. I think it puts guests at ease to offer something messy as a play activity, like a rice sensory box (tupperware box filled with dyed rice or beans and little toys), or an art project. Offer the activity and then be chill when rice is getting spilled out of the box. This will show the guest that you're not uptight about keeping your home pristine. At this point my friends know that I keep my house neat but it's okay if things get messy during a play date.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a home with a parent who is a semi hoarder. I cleaned the house when I was a child and when I invited people over. After I moved out, I realized during a visit that my parent had not cleaned the house, including the bathroom for years. There had been a full mouse infestation at some point, and mold and mildew to a point that a visiting sibling would complain about itching eyes and stuffy nose. Because of the way we grew up, we both keep really clean homes. No cleaners, we do it ourselves. We just like being in a clean, clutter free environment. Chores are a part of life and having the kids participate is important for their self-esteem and development.

I do expect food to stay in the kitchen and toys generally in the playroom. Strangely enough, people do like to come over. I do judge other people’s homes if they are especially dirty (and not just messy), probably because it reminds me of my childhood home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your kids aren’t allowed to play in the main areas of the house, what are they doing while you are cooking and cleaning?

If it’s ok if my kids run around your house, get all the toys out, go outside, come back in, leave a dirty footprint and a small pile of sand on your hardwood and clean footprints all over your carpet, get crumbs in your kitchen when they have a snack, pull the pillows off the couch, and get fingerprints on your glass table...when do you clean it up? Then when do you make dinner if it’s an afternoon play date? What are your kids doing while you clean?

I always feel like this is all find in most homes because most people are ok with it being a little bit of a mess most of the time and kind of a disaster some of the time. They would clean up later that night or the next day when they got around to it.

Dont kids take their shoes off when they come in? This seems to be the norm. I rarely have to ask kids to do this.

[Anonymous]

My kids are older now - elementary and up.

We keep a clean house. It is well decorated and immaculate. My kids still make crumbs. I limit eating to kitchen and dining room.