Do you judge “perfect” family homes?

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I kept a clean house when kids were babies and toddlers. My kids were crawling on the floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I don’t, except I do wonder if you let your children play.

NP. My kids play a ton in their playroom and outside. We go on tons of hikes and playgrounds. At home toys are only allowed in the playroom. It’s right off the family room. They learned early to clean up early. We clean for 15 min before going up to read and bed. And after bed I tidy the rest of the house. No cleaning lady. I’m pretty organized and type a

I grew up in a house like that, and it was really unwelcoming. Consistently having to chose between my developmental need to be close to mom, and my developmental need to play was hard. I feel for your kids that your anxiety (that’s what type a is a code for) is more important than their development.

[Anonymous]

I can tell you as a kid my parents had friends like that who we socialized with a lot. I felt very uncomfortable as a child - it felt like we were shuttled off/confined to the basement while adults socialized “cleanly” upstairs. That probably wasn’t even the case - I likely just felt that way because I was terrified of messing something up in the rest of the house. Come to think of it, my parents only really started socializing regularly at their house once we were ten or so even though they were good friends previously. It’s possible they had both an immaculate house AND a super uptight personality contributing to my on-my-toes feeling of being there, but I only really noticed the house. Not sure what they could have done differently but as a kid it wasn’t a comfortable place to be and I think my parents felt similarly.

[Anonymous]

I would question a glass table and toys only in a playroom. The other rules and level of cleanliness would be fine.

But isolating children’s play (which is their work!) to one room is misguided and unwelcoming to your own family, not to mention guests. Just buy a beautiful toy or two for other rooms. Doesn’t have to be piles of plastic crap everywhere. I care about aesthetics and have wooden puzzles, an old small dollhouse and a shelf of children’s books in the living room, a cute play kitchen in the real kitchen, a doll high chair at the dining table, etc.

And definitely display some of their artwork! Again, you can pick pieces and frames that will look good

[Anonymous]

We keep our house tidy (but certainly not "perfect") and I assume when I enter a house that's exceptionally clean and tidy, they probably just cleaned, as people usually do when they expect company. As for things like antiques, white furniture, glass furniture I wouldn't necessarily judge, but I would definitely wonder why they bother because it's just extra cleaning and vigilance IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I don’t, except I do wonder if you let your children play.

NP. My kids play a ton in their playroom and outside. We go on tons of hikes and playgrounds. At home toys are only allowed in the playroom. It’s right off the family room. They learned early to clean up early. We clean for 15 min before going up to read and bed. And after bed I tidy the rest of the house. No cleaning lady. I’m pretty organized and type a

I grew up in a house like that, and it was really unwelcoming. Consistently having to chose between my developmental need to be close to mom, and my developmental need to play was hard. I feel for your kids that your anxiety (that’s what type a is a code for) is more important than their development.

DP here. We have a large house. My kids toys are in their rooms, playroom and family room. Of course toys spill over to other rooms but for the most part, our house always looks clean and tidy. People always say we have a beautiful home. I think it is very welcoming. I don’t think your house needs to be messy or have toys in the living room or kitchen for it to be welcoming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We keep our house tidy (but certainly not "perfect") and I assume when I enter a house that's exceptionally clean and tidy, they probably just cleaned, as people usually do when they expect company. As for things like antiques, white furniture, glass furniture I wouldn't necessarily judge, but I would definitely wonder why they bother because it's just extra cleaning and vigilance IMO.

I don’t think it’s just about being tidy. I agree that most homes I go into are tidy. It’s more about being both very clean and expensively furnished.
I may not own any, but I can tell the difference between a $400 throw pillow and a $30 one. And I can spot a $1500 lamp.
Yeah. I’m going to tell my kids not to touch anything and go downstairs or outside to play.
You do not want my kids getting comfortable in your house, hiding under the blankets, sitting on the pillows or tossing them on the floor, having a sword fight with your $60 spatulas. And they are not going to be comfortable just sitting quietly and chatting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We keep our house tidy (but certainly not "perfect") and I assume when I enter a house that's exceptionally clean and tidy, they probably just cleaned, as people usually do when they expect company. As for things like antiques, white furniture, glass furniture I wouldn't necessarily judge, but I would definitely wonder why they bother because it's just extra cleaning and vigilance IMO.

I don’t think it’s just about being tidy. I agree that most homes I go into are tidy. It’s more about being both very clean and expensively furnished.
I may not own any, but I can tell the difference between a $400 throw pillow and a $30 one. And I can spot a $1500 lamp.
Yeah. I’m going to tell my kids not to touch anything and go downstairs or outside to play.
You do not want my kids getting comfortable in your house, hiding under the blankets, sitting on the pillows or tossing them on the floor, having a sword fight with your $60 spatulas. And they are not going to be comfortable just sitting quietly and chatting.

We have expensive throw pillows. I have seen my kids’ friends lay and throw our expensive pillows around. Perhaps the adult can’t tell, but kids cannot.

I have watched kids smear food and drop food on our furniture and floor. I did spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on an interior designer and decor.

[Anonymous]

No, but I was scared to let my kids play in them when they were younger!

Our home is comfortable and designed with messes in mind. Accidents happen, so I buy stuff that they won’t ruin. It still looks good, as long as you can tolerate a non-cream/white palette!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We keep our house tidy (but certainly not "perfect") and I assume when I enter a house that's exceptionally clean and tidy, they probably just cleaned, as people usually do when they expect company. As for things like antiques, white furniture, glass furniture I wouldn't necessarily judge, but I would definitely wonder why they bother because it's just extra cleaning and vigilance IMO.

I don’t think it’s just about being tidy. I agree that most homes I go into are tidy. It’s more about being both very clean and expensively furnished.
I may not own any, but I can tell the difference between a $400 throw pillow and a $30 one. And I can spot a $1500 lamp.
Yeah. I’m going to tell my kids not to touch anything and go downstairs or outside to play.
You do not want my kids getting comfortable in your house, hiding under the blankets, sitting on the pillows or tossing them on the floor, having a sword fight with your $60 spatulas. And they are not going to be comfortable just sitting quietly and chatting.

We have expensive throw pillows. I have seen my kids’ friends lay and throw our expensive pillows around. Perhaps the adult can’t tell, but kids cannot.

I have watched kids smear food and drop food on our furniture and floor. I did spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on an interior designer and decor.

Yeah. My kids would do this too. Is this something that you want?

[Anonymous]

I have always kept a rather tidy house, easy to do because I am a minimalist and there isn't much "stuff" lying around. How did I get this way? My mother had so much "stuff" that I knew knick knacks would never be part of my life once I had my own home, but to be clear, I loved my mother (RIP) and our home, it just was too much for me. My DC hang out and play wherever they want to in the house with the proviso that they clean up after themselves. I did have a realtor at one of my houses I was listing ask me how much time he needed to give me so I could keep the house this tidy before he would come to show it, lol. When I told him it always looks this way (and I work full time as does my DH) he rolled his eyes at me and laughed. He did not get the listing.

As for other people, do not care what you think about my clean house just as I'm sure you do not care that I absolutely judge you when there is laundry all over the place and your DC do not know how to clean up after themselves.

[Anonymous]

I have storage in almost every room in some manner, built ins, storage ottomans, trunks that my DC can just throw their stuff in when it's time to shut down for the night. No where is really off limits, DH and I just prefer that our kids clean up after themselves and we do the same. In fact my DC are often the only ones when were are a friends house who take their dishes to the counter rather than leave them on the table. They see it as being helpful and responsible to the adults.

[Anonymous]

It's not an intent to be judgemental but bluntly I feel more comfortable in a house that feels like mine in terms of some moderate kid clutter but not actually dirty. If there is a lot of breakable it sta,in-,able stuff, yes I will be more on top of my kids and less at ease. I would assume the person with the white furniture etc cares more about that stuff than someone with more basic, lifestyle friendly stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not an intent to be judgemental but bluntly I feel more comfortable in a house that feels like mine in terms of some moderate kid clutter but not actually dirty. If there is a lot of breakable it sta,in-,able stuff, yes I will be more on top of my kids and less at ease. I would assume the person with the white furniture etc cares more about that stuff than someone with more basic, lifestyle friendly stuff.

I’m the opposite. When I see a home that is very cluttered, I think the person is disorganized.

We know mostly people who are super organized though. The only reason our house is clean is because we have cleaners come twice per week and DH is super anal with cleanliness.

There are some homes that are obviously not professionally cleaned. I have only been to a few of these homes and I wonder how they can live so dirty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not an intent to be judgemental but bluntly I feel more comfortable in a house that feels like mine in terms of some moderate kid clutter but not actually dirty. If there is a lot of breakable it sta,in-,able stuff, yes I will be more on top of my kids and less at ease. I would assume the person with the white furniture etc cares more about that stuff than someone with more basic, lifestyle friendly stuff.

I’m the opposite. When I see a home that is very cluttered, I think the person is disorganized.

We know mostly people who are super organized though. The only reason our house is clean is because we have cleaners come twice per week and DH is super anal with cleanliness.

There are some homes that are obviously not professionally cleaned. I have only been to a few of these homes and I wonder how they can live so dirty.

I am also kind of anal with cleanliness. But when I see a home that’s not clean, I always think how I would love to clean their home for them.
Maybe that’s how your DH feels?