13 yo DD was called fat today

[Anonymous]

She was in PE and walking toward the track. Two girls behind her were talking about how DD looks like she never moves. They commented to each other (using DD’s name so it was clear that they were talking about her and nobody else) that DD is “fat”. They then asked her if she wanted to run with them, but after a second they said they were tired and DD continued on her own. I’m not certain this warrants an email to the PE teacher - these aren’t girls DD wants to have beef with - but it does have me a bit concerned.

DD is almost 5’5” and weighs about 121 lbs; she’s fully developed and curvy, but hardly fat. She has always struggled with sports/PE, and has some motor delays that might make her look a bit awkward and non-athletic. Maybe that’s why these girls zeroed in on her.

How would you handle it?

[Anonymous]

Hmm. If it's the first time, I would equip my child with a few zingers for the next time it happens. If there is a pattern of name-calling, then it crosses the line into bullying and I would file a report.

[Anonymous]

Just to add - it’s not clear if they meant DD to hear; they were walking behind DD but not with her.

[Anonymous]

I’d email the teacher, Not freaking out, but just letting her know in case she is able to take extra notice of these 2 and see if it is a pattern. As a teacher, I’d want to know.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't blink. Good grief what the hell has happened that a kid can't let an insult roll off their back and keep moving forward.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's interesting that you chose to post your DD's height and weight. Would this have been ok if it was about another girl who was heavier?

My point is that your DD's physical stats are irrelevant in this situation...unless you think they are.

[Anonymous]

5'5" and 120 is pretty thin. The fat comment doesn't really make sense. It is like saying she has blond hair about someone who is a brunette.

I would talk to DD about learning to stand up for herself. She could stop and say I heard you guys or why are you talking about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't blink. Good grief what the hell has happened that a kid can't let an insult roll off their back and keep moving forward.

You're probably the type that calls people fat though, aren't you?

OP, I would have your DD tell you if anything else occurs but let it go if it's a one-off.

I'm sorry. Middle school girls are tough.

[Anonymous]

You don’t “do” anything! You listen to your kid, give her sympathy and reassurance if she needs it. You can brainstorm responses for the future if she wants it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's interesting that you chose to post your DD's height and weight. Would this have been ok if it was about another girl who was heavier?

My point is that your DD's physical stats are irrelevant in this situation...unless you think they are.

Not the OP but they are relevant because they are factually incorrect. They aren't calling a girl who is fat "fat". They aren't making a factual statement. Ops daughter isn't fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was in PE and walking toward the track. Two girls behind her were talking about how DD looks like she never moves. They commented to each other (using DD’s name so it was clear that they were talking about her and nobody else) that DD is “fat”. They then asked her if she wanted to run with them, but after a second they said they were tired and DD continued on her own. I’m not certain this warrants an email to the PE teacher - these aren’t girls DD wants to have beef with - but it does have me a bit concerned.

DD is almost 5’5” and weighs about 121 lbs; she’s fully developed and curvy, but hardly fat. She has always struggled with sports/PE, and has some motor delays that might make her look a bit awkward and non-athletic. Maybe that’s why these girls zeroed in on her.

How would you handle it?

OP, I have no idea if 5'5" 121lbs is fat or not....you need to ask yourself how is this relevant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's interesting that you chose to post your DD's height and weight. Would this have been ok if it was about another girl who was heavier?

My point is that your DD's physical stats are irrelevant in this situation...unless you think they are.

Not the OP but they are relevant because they are factually incorrect. They aren't calling a girl who is fat "fat". They aren't making a factual statement. Ops daughter isn't fat.

1. So if the girl was fat then would it be okay?
2. So if OP's DD isn't fat, then why is this even an issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d email the teacher, Not freaking out, but just letting her know in case she is able to take extra notice of these 2 and see if it is a pattern. As a teacher, I’d want to know.

+1
I’m sorry that happened to your daughter, OP. I know it must hurt you both. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Enough with calling out the OP for giving the daughter's height and weight.

I agree it is relevant info in trying to see why the daughter was targeted (because she was...especially because of the bit about the girls starting to run with her and then stopping). So they're not calling her fat because she's objectively fat (yes folks, some people are) but because of another reason. So then OP posited some other reasons (she's unathletic, etc.). OP is trying to think through how to best help her daughter. Stop laying into her.

[Anonymous]

"Hey, watch the name calling or I might sit on you."