13 yo DD was called fat today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's interesting that you chose to post your DD's height and weight. Would this have been ok if it was about another girl who was heavier?

My point is that your DD's physical stats are irrelevant in this situation...unless you think they are.

Not the OP but they are relevant because they are factually incorrect. They aren't calling a girl who is fat "fat". They aren't making a factual statement. Ops daughter isn't fat.

1. So if the girl was fat then would it be okay?
2. So if OP's DD isn't fat, then why is this even an issue?

I dint' say anything about it being okay or not okay.

Fat, thin, short, tall. They are all just descriptive words. They have a subjective component based on someone's personal experience but with a shared understanding of 'opposites'. We all know what short, tall, fat, and thin mean - it just isn't clear where exactly one stops and the other stops. None of these words are inherently good or bad words. They are just descriptive words. You may associate bad with tall or fat or short or thin - but that is your own subjective interpretation. Someone who is 5'5" may be considered tall by someone who is much shorter and shorter by someone who is much taller - although by more neutral population averages, that person is neither tall nor short. Same with someone who weighs 120 lbs. They may be considered thin by someone who is much fatter and fat by someone who is much thinner but by health standards, they are neither thin nor fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d email the teacher, Not freaking out, but just letting her know in case she is able to take extra notice of these 2 and see if it is a pattern. As a teacher, I’d want to know.

+1
I’m sorry that happened to your daughter, OP. I know it must hurt you both. Hugs to you.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's interesting that you chose to post your DD's height and weight. Would this have been ok if it was about another girl who was heavier?

My point is that your DD's physical stats are irrelevant in this situation...unless you think they are.

No, I didn’t even know her weight until a recent checkup, we don’t weigh at home. I assure you I’m not focused on it. I guess I’m just puzzling through why they would make such a comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t “do” anything! You listen to your kid, give her sympathy and reassurance if she needs it. You can brainstorm responses for the future if she wants it.

This. I’d tell my daughter I was sorry that happened to her and that some people are really mean. I’d also use it as a opportunity to remind her that it hurts when you talk about someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Hey, watch the name calling or I might sit on you."

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's interesting that you chose to post your DD's height and weight. Would this have been ok if it was about another girl who was heavier?

My point is that your DD's physical stats are irrelevant in this situation...unless you think they are.

Not the OP but they are relevant because they are factually incorrect. They aren't calling a girl who is fat "fat". They aren't making a factual statement. Ops daughter isn't fat.

1. So if the girl was fat then would it be okay?
2. So if OP's DD isn't fat, then why is this even an issue?

1. It might be worse if the girl was hurt by it.
2. Kids make up lies all the time, it's not okay.

[Anonymous]

I haven't been around 13 year old girls to speak of for a long time, and did not have daughters, but OP did say her daughter is well-developed and curvy. Is she further ahead in puberty than the majority of girls her age? OP also mentioned that her daughter has issues with PE and possibly some mild motor delays. I could see where these girls, being mean, are really zeroing in on those issues as opposed to BMI. How to handle it really depends on the bigger picture and if there are other indications OP's daughter is being marginalized by peers in that class or other situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't been around 13 year old girls to speak of for a long time, and did not have daughters, but OP did say her daughter is well-developed and curvy. Is she further ahead in puberty than the majority of girls her age? OP also mentioned that her daughter has issues with PE and possibly some mild motor delays. I could see where these girls, being mean, are really zeroing in on those issues as opposed to BMI. How to handle it really depends on the bigger picture and if there are other indications OP's daughter is being marginalized by peers in that class or other situations.

She’s definitely further ahead in puberty - she has boobs (c-cup) and a butt and curves. She’s not thin/athletic but is healthy. I think it’s likely they’ve noticed her motor delays and have interpreted it as laziness or lack of motivation. Fortunately she doesn’t seem to have internalized it too much ; she’s happy with her body. I’m going to leave it be unless it becomes a pattern.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry. At that age kids can be so mean to girls who start puberty and get the curves of women. I'm sorry, OP.

OP posted the stats but just the puberty thing is what is causing this. There are a ton of girls who do not look like they have started puberty at 13 and then there are girls who have a woman's body already. It is hard.

I'm sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, but with those stats at only 13 years old, your daughter is a little chunky. You are welcome to call it "curvy" if it makes you feel better. It doesn't excuse the other girls' behavior, but you seemed confused as to why they called her "fat." It is because she is overweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, but with those stats at only 13 years old, your daughter is a little chunky. You are welcome to call it "curvy" if it makes you feel better. It doesn't excuse the other girls' behavior, but you seemed confused as to why they called her "fat." It is because she is overweight.

I really, really hope you dont have daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, but with those stats at only 13 years old, your daughter is a little chunky. You are welcome to call it "curvy" if it makes you feel better. It doesn't excuse the other girls' behavior, but you seemed confused as to why they called her "fat." It is because she is overweight.

/
Um, no? That's a BMI of 20.1. Right in normal range. The lower end of it, actually. Are you insane?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't blink. Good grief what the hell has happened that a kid can't let an insult roll off their back and keep moving forward.

You're probably the type that calls people fat though, aren't you?

OP, I would have your DD tell you if anything else occurs but let it go if it's a one-off.

I'm sorry. Middle school girls are tough.

No, I'm the type who, when my friend comes crying to me that two other girls call her fat, shrug and say "Who cares what they think? They're not your doctor or your mom."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Hey, watch the name calling or I might sit on you."

Ha!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, but with those stats at only 13 years old, your daughter is a little chunky. You are welcome to call it "curvy" if it makes you feel better. It doesn't excuse the other girls' behavior, but you seemed confused as to why they called her "fat." It is because she is overweight.

Not OP. Post a pic, let's see what your body looks like. Probably a butter face.