DD Came Out

[Anonymous]

Yesterday evening, my DC came out to my DH and I as transgender. She is 17 and I really want to support my DC and be there for them as much as possible, but my DH was raised a strict catholic, and he stormed out of the room last night when my DC told us. Not the reaction I think she was hoping for...
Anyone have advice on how to talk to DH???

[Anonymous]

Family therapy and individual therapy for everyone. Now.

[Anonymous]

FTM or MTF? I know there are some who don’t want to hear it, but this is a trending thing among teenagers. For girls, it’s replaced the cutting and anorexia of past decades as a way of dealing with the pain and anxiety of puberty. I would do what you can to avoid any permanent changes or medical/surgical treatments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FTM or MTF? I know there are some who don’t want to hear it, but this is a trending thing among teenagers. For girls, it’s replaced the cutting and anorexia of past decades as a way of dealing with the pain and anxiety of puberty. I would do what you can to avoid any permanent changes or medical/surgical treatments.

OP here. FTM. I have always noticed my daughter not liking as many feminine things, so not THAT much of a shock to me at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FTM or MTF? I know there are some who don’t want to hear it, but this is a trending thing among teenagers. For girls, it’s replaced the cutting and anorexia of past decades as a way of dealing with the pain and anxiety of puberty. I would do what you can to avoid any permanent changes or medical/surgical treatments.

OP here. FTM. I have always noticed my daughter not liking as many feminine things, so not THAT much of a shock to me at least.

Ok, but I never liked feminine things either, and I still hate make up and nails, and dresses and heels; but I'm not a dude. Tread this path carefully.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Your daughter will be 18 in a year or less. DH will have no say in her life in terms of her gender.

He needs therapy and to understand this is not about him or his call. That she is the same loving person you both raised.

If he can not get over this, it is his loss.

How wonderful she came to you both to discuss. She wanted communication.

[Anonymous]

I would explain to your DD that you didn't anticipate it and you will love her regardless but that it will take time for you as parents to process this - you are all going through a transition. Our child changed their sexual preferences twice between ages 15 and 19 and we anticipate that they may change again. As parents, we try to just act and parent the same toward our child and not overly react to anything. We don't announce to others our child's changes because we aren't sure how things will end up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FTM or MTF? I know there are some who don’t want to hear it, but this is a trending thing among teenagers. For girls, it’s replaced the cutting and anorexia of past decades as a way of dealing with the pain and anxiety of puberty. I would do what you can to avoid any permanent changes or medical/surgical treatments.

I agree. Some people are very quick to jump on the transgender bandwagon because they see something virtuous and woke in it, but it's only damaging. Odds are the daughter is just using it as an excuse to seek attention or address some internal frustration.

I would suggest the best approach is to simply back out and see how it plays out. If the daughter genuinely thinks she is transgender it will manifest itself in other ways rather than just declaring herself a transgender. "Real" transgenderism is a serious neurosis condition. If she doesn't do anything beyond calling herself a transgender, then she's just seeking attention for other reasons and it will fade away in due time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FTM or MTF? I know there are some who don’t want to hear it, but this is a trending thing among teenagers. For girls, it’s replaced the cutting and anorexia of past decades as a way of dealing with the pain and anxiety of puberty. I would do what you can to avoid any permanent changes or medical/surgical treatments.

I agree. Some people are very quick to jump on the transgender bandwagon because they see something virtuous and woke in it, but it's only damaging. Odds are the daughter is just using it as an excuse to seek attention or address some internal frustration.

I would suggest the best approach is to simply back out and see how it plays out. If the daughter genuinely thinks she is transgender it will manifest itself in other ways rather than just declaring herself a transgender. "Real" transgenderism is a serious neurosis condition. If she doesn't do anything beyond calling herself a transgender, then she's just seeking attention for other reasons and it will fade away in due time.

Go crawl back under your rock, PP. You know nothing about transgenderism or parenting.

[Anonymous]

That sucks, OP. Your kid is going to have a hard life. Agree with the counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yesterday evening, my DC came out to my DH and I as transgender. She is 17 and I really want to support my DC and be there for them as much as possible, but my DH was raised a strict catholic, and he stormed out of the room last night when my DC told us. Not the reaction I think she was hoping for...
Anyone have advice on how to talk to DH???

The advice you need is to get OFF this board for any guidance. Seriously, go someplace more specific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FTM or MTF? I know there are some who don’t want to hear it, but this is a trending thing among teenagers. For girls, it’s replaced the cutting and anorexia of past decades as a way of dealing with the pain and anxiety of puberty. I would do what you can to avoid any permanent changes or medical/surgical treatments.

OP here. FTM. I have always noticed my daughter not liking as many feminine things, so not THAT much of a shock to me at least.

Step one would be to not refer to him as she...

[Anonymous]

Read about ROGD. Don't agree with referring to child about different gender early on. Maybe gay and not accepting of that. So, moving to transgender. Tread carefully.

[Anonymous]

Begin using their preferred pronouns ASAP.

Start therapy as a family.

This will be so much harder if your husband keeps using the wrong pronoun on purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sucks, OP. Your kid is going to have a hard life. Agree with the counseling.

People think that because when they think of transgender people in their heads, they see drag queens and cross dressers.

It's a very old school way of thinking, honestly.

My best friend is MTF trans. She's only told a very select few people and those who do not know have no idea. There is nothing masculine about her features or voice that gives it away. She's had both top and bottom surgery and is married to a man. She's very successful in her career, has two great adopted kids, and volunteers in the community.

She would have had a hard life had she been forced to live as a man or had not been given the opportunities to take hormones and get the surgeries.