DD Came Out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this came as a surprise to you I have to ask:

Where the fvck were you the last 17 years?

I wondered how there could not have been any prior signs or issues?

Though I guess Bruce Jenner fooled many people for years---but none of his wives. They all knew early on.

Well partly because he had already partially transitioned once and then he de-transitioned. People started talking about his feminine side in the 80s when he was taking estrogen, had his nose feminized, and had electrolysis to remove facial hair. He didn't really fool anyone, people just thought he was gay or a cross dresser because there wasn't a lot of information about gender identity. He started cross dressing as an 8 year old and told his wives about it.

[Anonymous]

Non binary and transgender are the new emo, goth, punk ways of expressing yourself now as a teen.

There have always been alternative ways to show you are different from the norm or to express teen angst. They just evolve with time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite your husband to think about whether or not he would like his daughter to kill herself or leave your house and never EVER have anything to do with him ever again. Because that's what he's putting in motion by storming out.

Now, maybe he needed a while to wrap his head around this, but he just rejected his child in a huge way.

He’s human. He reacted, but give him half a second.

Op, fortunately there are lots of support groups out there for parents and kids. Changing genders is a process. Your DC will probably have their own thoughts on what it means and what steps to take.

Still the same person regardless of pronoun or clothes. Your husband will realize this.

Let your kid know you are there for them no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite your husband to think about whether or not he would like his daughter to kill herself or leave your house and never EVER have anything to do with him ever again. Because that's what he's putting in motion by storming out.

Now, maybe he needed a while to wrap his head around this, but he just rejected his child in a huge way.

He’s human. He reacted, but give him half a second.

Op, fortunately there are lots of support groups out there for parents and kids. Changing genders is a process. Your DC will probably have their own thoughts on what it means and what steps to take.

Still the same person regardless of pronoun or clothes. Your husband will realize this.

Let your kid know you are there for them no matter what.

I'm human too. And if my DD came to me and announced she was actually a boy, I'd hug her and tell her I love her, whatever gender she feels like she is, and ask what I can do to help her be comfortable in our house.

[Anonymous]

I'd err on the side of believing that your child knows the truth about him or herself. If they later change their mind or determine that they're gay or something else, you will have established that you're a safe person for them to share their developments with. Ask and then do whatever you can to be helpful and supportive as they figure this out. Maybe help with wardrobe or hair styling concerns they may be grappling with. Run interference with school, church, and family as your child's advocate and make it clear to other adults that your child deserves to be treated with the same dignity and respect as always. Separately, go on your own to therapy and find one of those GLAAD ally groups to figure out your own emotions about it all. This is about your child, but you'll be most helpful to your child if you get your own head straight. I think that at times like these, the more you can make it clear that you accept and love your child no matter what, the better things will go for everyone. As for your spouse, perhaps through a support group you can find some materials to share with him that make it clear what the consequences of his reactions will be. He is being a big baby instead of the solid rock of support that his family needs right now. If he can't get it together, then he has to go, not your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite your husband to think about whether or not he would like his daughter to kill herself or leave your house and never EVER have anything to do with him ever again. Because that's what he's putting in motion by storming out.

Now, maybe he needed a while to wrap his head around this, but he just rejected his child in a huge way.

He’s human. He reacted, but give him half a second.

Op, fortunately there are lots of support groups out there for parents and kids. Changing genders is a process. Your DC will probably have their own thoughts on what it means and what steps to take.

Still the same person regardless of pronoun or clothes. Your husband will realize this.

Let your kid know you are there for them no matter what.

I'm human too. And if my DD came to me and announced she was actually a boy, I'd hug her and tell her I love her, whatever gender she feels like she is, and ask what I can do to help her be comfortable in our house.

THIS

[Anonymous]

I really worry about the children of all of you screaming about not believing the OP's child. You are what makes the transgender suicide rate so high.

OP, get your child to a therapist with experience with gender dysphoria and gender transition, stat! The therapist can help talk through your child's feelings and help you all decide together as a family what to do next. Presumably, the child already went through puberty, so there shouldn't be a rush to decide on hormones or hormone blockers. You have to be supportive here - see above re: the suicide rate for trans people.

[Anonymous]

Re your DH:

He was surprised and had a reaction. A PP said it nicely, how everyone has to adjust, we all need a moment here; changing a mindset takes time.

Now, for your DH--to try and help your DC through helping DH, (and keep their relationship intact) we have to help DH with his future reactions. So tell him this:

If this is right for your DC, then your DH stomping away is not helpful.

If this is wrong for your DC--meaning, as your DH suspects, if DC just wants attention or is rebelling--then your DH's reaction is giving that attention (the dopamine hit) to your DC and cementing the idea in DC's mind.

So....either way, whatever the situation, your DH needs to give this no heat, and no outward judgement, and let all this unfold.

[Anonymous]

Just tell him to wait it out.

I’m in “How nice, dear” camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FTM or MTF? I know there are some who don’t want to hear it, but this is a trending thing among teenagers. For girls, it’s replaced the cutting and anorexia of past decades as a way of dealing with the pain and anxiety of puberty. I would do what you can to avoid any permanent changes or medical/surgical treatments.

I agree. Some people are very quick to jump on the transgender bandwagon because they see something virtuous and woke in it, but it's only damaging. Odds are the daughter is just using it as an excuse to seek attention or address some internal frustration.

I would suggest the best approach is to simply back out and see how it plays out. If the daughter genuinely thinks she is transgender it will manifest itself in other ways rather than just declaring herself a transgender. "Real" transgenderism is a serious neurosis condition. If she doesn't do anything beyond calling herself a transgender, then she's just seeking attention for other reasons and it will fade away in due time.

Uhhh, WTF?
Closed minded much?
Did you really just say that transgenderism is a serious neurosis condition??

You do know that neurosis is by definition a mental illness, correct??

God, you narrow minded, small people are what's wrong with the world today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite your husband to think about whether or not he would like his daughter to kill herself or leave your house and never EVER have anything to do with him ever again. Because that's what he's putting in motion by storming out.

Now, maybe he needed a while to wrap his head around this, but he just rejected his child in a huge way.

I'm reminded of back in the day when my teen cousin declared she was bisexual and had kissed a girl, and my aunt said "how nice" and not another word, and the cousin is now happily married with children.

That's teenagers for you.

Happily married to a man or a woman?

Just because you have a heterosexual marriage, doesn't mean you're not bisexual. Just saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really worry about the children of all of you screaming about not believing the OP's child. You are what makes the transgender suicide rate so high.

OP, get your child to a therapist with experience with gender dysphoria and gender transition, stat! The therapist can help talk through your child's feelings and help you all decide together as a family what to do next. Presumably, the child already went through puberty, so there shouldn't be a rush to decide on hormones or hormone blockers. You have to be supportive here - see above re: the suicide rate for trans people.

No, we're saying that no one should treat this as a permanent decision either way, which should give OP's husband some buffer to manage his emotions. It's not disrespectful, it's a way to give time to everyone to figure things out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FTM or MTF? I know there are some who don’t want to hear it, but this is a trending thing among teenagers. For girls, it’s replaced the cutting and anorexia of past decades as a way of dealing with the pain and anxiety of puberty. I would do what you can to avoid any permanent changes or medical/surgical treatments.

I agree. Some people are very quick to jump on the transgender bandwagon because they see something virtuous and woke in it, but it's only damaging. Odds are the daughter is just using it as an excuse to seek attention or address some internal frustration.

I would suggest the best approach is to simply back out and see how it plays out. If the daughter genuinely thinks she is transgender it will manifest itself in other ways rather than just declaring herself a transgender. "Real" transgenderism is a serious neurosis condition. If she doesn't do anything beyond calling herself a transgender, then she's just seeking attention for other reasons and it will fade away in due time.

Uhhh, WTF?
Closed minded much?
Did you really just say that transgenderism is a serious neurosis condition??

You do know that neurosis is by definition a mental illness, correct??

God, you narrow minded, small people are what's wrong with the world today.

Please note that in medical terms, it's still considered as a neurosis. Just so you don't have a heart attack if a doctor ever speaks to you about it

[Anonymous]

OP, my youngest came out as gay at 14. Trans at 16. Your DH’s reaction was not the best, but it’s normal. He needs a little time. Please don’t get advice on this from dcum other than the suggestion to get your child some therapy. I doubt they are trying to rush into medical transition. Use their preferred pronouns. Love unconditionally. Support unconditionally. Gender is not the same as sex. Gender is in your brain. It’s how you identify. The best thing you can do for your child is show absolute unwavering love and support. Trust that at 17, they will figure this out. Your job is to provide the support to help them navigate.

I know it’s hard. PLEASE ignore the posters suggesting anything other than love, support, acceptance, and therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Please note that in medical terms, it's still considered as a neurosis. Just so you don't have a heart attack if a doctor ever speaks to you about it

No, it's not. Gender dysphoria is the condition of having clinically significant distress about being transgender. Being transgender, by itself, is not a condition. If you're transgender and you're happy, that's not a condition.