What grade would you give your parents and what’s the worst things they did
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Anonymous
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I’m reflecting on the bar many of us hold ourselves to vs the parenting we had.
For example - id give my parents an A. I felt loved and secure, my mom spent time doing silly science experiments with us and create these amazing amazing bday parties. Both attended our events and worked very hard to give us opportunities to be well rounded people exposed to the broader world. As adults we all love each other, talk regularly and joyfully spend holiday together and plan family vacations together However My mom occasionally raged over who knows what (now I see it was frustration with my dads career marginalizing her own ambitions) and my brother and would go sprinting into our rooms, locking the door, and hiding under the beds terrified while she pounded on the door screaming “you f-ing b, get out here” (she never put a hand on us) And my dad was military and emotionally checked out much of the time and I honestly have no recollection of whether he was home for most weeknight dinners or not I feel like I hold myself and my husband to an impossible ideal my parents never lived up to yet when I think critically I think my parents did a really really good job and were human and all the good and bad that entails. And then I try to relax a little that despite my sometimes being human, my kids won’t just be fine, they’ll be some of the lucky ones (as I feel I was) |
Anonymous
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My parents were C.
Didn’t abuse us, weren’t mean to us, but were somewhat neglectful, very selfish, and exposed us regularly to adult behavior and situations. We also got zero academic support and they were not financially responsible. |
Anonymous
| C also. Products of the time. Decisions based on their needs, not mine. Mom did most of the parenting, dad around, but involved minimally. Never talked about sex or drugs. |
Anonymous
| Sad thread. Is there no grace? Most people do the best with the circumstances they are given. |
Anonymous
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They get a C.
Ever since I was in my teens I have always said i pretty much raised myself. We get along fine now (I am 50s, they are 80s) and i have somewhat forgiven them since they were a product of their time (the Great Depression and WW2), and of inattentive parents themselves. However, they would never acknowledge their bad parenting even when i spelled it out for them, and they called me spoiled. This, after not seeing them from age 17-23 and putting myself through college and grad school thousands of miles from "home." I was/am a completely different parent to my 19-year old daughter. She knows my feelings about her grandma and pop-pop and we discuss everything. I showed her this thread and she gives me an A 
Interestingly, my parents are loving, attentive grandparents to my daughter. Maybe people do change. |
Anonymous
| I’d give my parents A. They were not perfect but close. Very dedicated, extremely loving, and fun. They worked very hard to give the best life they could. My mom read a lot and is a great story teller who used to tell me about all types of different things. I am an only child, both parents worked demanding jobs. |
Anonymous
I do have grace. That’s why I gave them a C. Also, they’re still selfish! My parents grew up in fortunate homes so it’s not like they started from a bad place. |
Anonymous
Wasn’t the fundamental premises from op giving grace? |
Anonymous
| Mom, B+, dad c-. Mom was very involved, supportive, encouraging. Biggest problem was she grew up in an abusive house and saw my bigger brother hitting me as normal sibling behavior. I was also left alone a lot from a young age because both parents worked. Dad was very uninvolved and not at all affectionate. |
Anonymous
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F for both. Father was raging, nasty, physically and verbally abusive drunk. Thought nothing of DWI with me as a passenger to and from after school activities or worse, showing up at parent-student functions obviously drunk.
F for my mother for being acutely aware of above and allowing it to happen --forever. She was so self involved and narcissistic that she was grateful any time he drove away, drunk or otherwise. At least she got some peace. Inexplicably, my mom also treated herself to a solo vacation every summer, leaving us alone with our monster of a father. I'd like to think that if this situation occurred today, that my parents would have lost custody. Grace? The fact that I held my father's hand as he died shows grace. And, I have a semi decent relationship with my still-delusional mother. |
Anonymous
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A+ to both. Sacrificed everything for the kids, worked very hard, were always there, and still are rocks in my life.
Unfortunately mom turned anxious, paranoid and very mean with age and I’m in the process of mourning the mother I knew. (She doesn’t have a diagnosis and refuses to see anyone.) On the whole, I can only hope I can be as good of a parent to my kids. |
Anonymous
| I *gracefully* gave my parents the C (a few messages above). Without grace, they get a D or F. Or, my mom gets the F and my dad gets a C-. Mom should never have been a mother. She was happy until she had children (according to my dad.) |
Anonymous
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A-/B+
Young parents Shotgun marriage Different cultures No education Divorced Remarried 2 new families They were young Beautiful Fun Lonely Doted on us Imaginative Silly Looped our families together (amicable divorce etc) I loved them both like superstars when I was little and miss them every day They did the best they could |
Anonymous
I love your post. Reads like a poem. "The best they could." |
Anonymous
+1 |