What grade would you give your parents and what’s the worst things they did

[Anonymous]

A

I'm sure this is colored by my relationship with them now. As a teenager or twenty-something I could name all kinds of things they did wrong. Now I see why they did them, I have more empathy for them as individual people, not just my parents.

Example: my mom was very independent. She had a strong career, hobbies, friendships. The result is that I had a lot of time on my own. By some measures she was a bit neglectful. I was on my own a lot more than any of my friends. By age 14 I was spending weekends home alone, by 16 I was home alone for a week. I felt lost at times. But she also taught me Independence - both through example, and by forcing me to take care of myself. Good parenting? I don't know. But as an adult, when people ask me about my inspirations and motivations to do some of the really cool things I'm doing (which I love), I have to point to my mom. She inspired and pushed me, even if it wasn't always fun at the time.

[Anonymous]

My parents were wonderful, flawed, young, fun. Married at 22. Had me at 24. Divorced. Each remarried. Each divorced. Each remarried again (all before I left home). My dad cooked and baked elaborate things; could make pocket knifes and do woodworking and rebuild an engine; erect a tent. He made a kayak once. He is the platonic ideal of a dad in my eyes.

My mom painted, crafted and sewed (including my wedding dress). She worked a lot and got up pretty high in her organization but she laid with me in bed until I fell asleep each night until middle school when I stopped asking.

They grew up dirt poor in the same one stoplight town but entered a white collar workplace and tried to teach me how to pass in upper middle class culture (although they forgot to save even a dime in a college savings account and didn’t know kids could study for the SAT).

I’d give them an A+. They pulled off the American dream of class mobility for their kid.

[Anonymous]

D and F/F

Mother
Was a single mother and in many ways tried to do a good job BUT...turned the other cheek to years of sexual abuse that was happening in our house, courtesy of her husband (stepdad)

Father
Physically abusive and then absent

Step-father
Sexually and emotionally abusive

[Anonymous]

My father brought bar-hopping and drove us home wasted at the end of the night. My mom held us at arms length.

[Anonymous]

My knee jerk was B+, but it’s really A- (Mom) and ~C+ (Dad). I love him, he’s a great person, he made sure to physically take care of me (lots of pick ups!) and did tell me he loved me. He was also pretty feminist and supportive generally. He can’t help that he had pretty severe anxiety and depression and is very very introverted and logical where I am not... Actually, he did try to work on his mental health somewhat. But he really just... he didn’t or couldn’t take the time to be present with me except, it felt, on rare occasions. I often felt like an annoyance. And though he made strides to curb his temper, it was really problematic when i was under 10, especially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My knee jerk was B+, but it’s really A- (Mom) and ~C+ (Dad). I love him, he’s a great person, he made sure to physically take care of me (lots of pick ups!) and did tell me he loved me. He was also pretty feminist and supportive generally. He can’t help that he had pretty severe anxiety and depression and is very very introverted and logical where I am not... Actually, he did try to work on his mental health somewhat. But he really just... he didn’t or couldn’t take the time to be present with me except, it felt, on rare occasions. I often felt like an annoyance. And though he made strides to curb his temper, it was really problematic when i was under 10, especially.

Applying the grace I gave my (also imperfect) mother, though, I would give him a B-

[Anonymous]

B.
Mom is mentally ill (hoarder, I think also anxiety, she had a ton of strange rituals supposed to boost our immunity and most of them were almost cruel - cold baths, making us chew on garlic, weird!). However she made sure we were academically advanced and independent.
Dad is a complete doormat, never protected us from moms crazy ideas. But he took us on walks, talked to us about everything.
They taught us a lot of life skills. I am not sure if I teach my son as much.

[Anonymous]

B+. Very supportive, involved. Good upper middle class upbringing.

Only faults were my dad had a temper when I was in trouble and spanked me hard until I left for college over what I would consider minor infractions (talking back mostly). I unfortunately now see that rage coming out in myself with my own child and I have to actively work to control myself when all I want to do is smack him.

My mom was too helicoptery and mettled in my social life more than she should have. I was an only child after my infant brother passed away and I think she had trouble letting me go do my own thing. She was also were authoritarian my way or the highway with zero room for negotiation, which led to a lot of the talking back I did.

[Anonymous]

D and F

My parents got pregnant and married before finishing high school. They had seven kids. My father was around less and less before finally disappearing pretty much altogether. Eventually the house became full of garbage from top to bottom and dog and cat feces. We had no heat in the winter except for a space heater in one bedroom where we all slept (this was in New Jersey). We had no functional kitchen appliances and would leave food on the back porch in the winter to keep cool. I distinctly remember my mother ripping off the tiles in the living room ceiling one winter and burning them in the fireplace to keep warm. At one point she ballooned to 300 pounds and stayed in bed for 5 years without leaving the house. This is just the surface.

I became a partner in Biglaw before retiring early. Most of my siblings managed to do well also. One became the mayor of my home town. I could write a book. "Running with Scissors" had nothing on me.

[Anonymous]

I struggle with this a lot. I rate my parents an F. I was physically and emotionally abused. Out of their 3 children, none of us graduated high school. All of us have been suicidal, one was successful. I have a novel full of traumatic stories to tell but I think the worst thing was the day to day misery. My mother was clearly battling some undiagnosed mental illnesses and life with her was terrifying and unpredictable. My father turned a blind eye and was rarely present. No one knew and no one helped us.

[Anonymous]

A+

Only child to older parents with a SAHM and dad who worked his way from rags to riches to support us.

My mom was a saint who completely threw herself into being room mom, chaperoning field trips, hosting my friends all the time. She was endlessly patient with me when I was an awful teenager.

My dad worked himself tireless to provide, but still made it to every sports game, important event, etc. He had a bit of a temper, but always apologized after the heat of the moment. His heart was in the right place.

Now they are completely devoted to their grandbabies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:D and F

My parents got pregnant and married before finishing high school. They had seven kids. My father was around less and less before finally disappearing pretty much altogether. Eventually the house became full of garbage from top to bottom and dog and cat feces. We had no heat in the winter except for a space heater in one bedroom where we all slept (this was in New Jersey). We had no functional kitchen appliances and would leave food on the back porch in the winter to keep cool. I distinctly remember my mother ripping off the tiles in the living room ceiling one winter and burning them in the fireplace to keep warm. At one point she ballooned to 300 pounds and stayed in bed for 5 years without leaving the house. This is just the surface.

I became a partner in Biglaw before retiring early. Most of my siblings managed to do well also. One became the mayor of my home town. I could write a book. "Running with Scissors" had nothing on me.

Wow, this is heartbreaking to read. I’m so impressed wit you and your siblings’ successes despite coming from nothing.

[Anonymous]

My parents give us traumatic childhoods. But I take into account that they had too many kids, they suffered from mental illness, alcoholism and financial pressure. I wouldn't have been able do handle their life. So I give them a pass.

[Anonymous]

A. Now I know how difficult parenting is, I cannot give them anything less than an A. Thank you mom and dad.

[Anonymous]

F

My parents sent my sister in her early twenties to live with a great uncle while she was to do an internship in a city they did not live in. They knew he was a sex offender.


They never had any money and always were more concerned about faking it than anything else.

Rasist, judgemental, angry explosive people.