Are most married couples unhappily married?
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Anonymous
| DH and I have been together for 15 years and have 3 amazing kids. We have a high HHI, beautiful home, savings, etc. we are stable. However, we have kind of just drifted apart. There is no abuse. I can’t say we are happily married. We just turned 40 and still fit and attractive. I’m not very attracted to DH physically or emotionally. DH is a hands on father and helps around the house so it isn’t like I’m resentful of him. I feel like I fell out of love and we are just coparenting. I know I have it better than many but still not happily married. |
Anonymous
| Figure out how to rekindle the spark. Sounds like there is a lot good there to hold on to and work on. |
Anonymous
|
What do you think happily married people with kids look like? Butterflies fade, and while some people claim or do have sex all the time for the most part being partners is a long slog and if you have someone you're sharing your life and daily grind with that's nice.
When did you drop being attracted to him? |
Anonymous
I know DH is a great catch. He is aging well and probably better looking with age. I’m just not attracted to him anymore. He earns a seven figure income, which I know people will say he can dump me and find a hotter replacement instantly. If we take the income away, we are two people who don’t really click anymore. We fell in love young. We did everything right. We met in grad school, started our careers together, bought our first house together, had a baby, another baby and a third baby. I’m probably having a midlife crisis. |
Anonymous
| It’s you not him or the marriage. |
Anonymous
Sigh. Yes, it probably is me. DH tells me he loves me all the time. He comes home and takes kids to sports. Sadly others will probably consider us the happily married people. I have always gotten sick of my previous boyfriends when I was younger. I guess I’m just stuck. |
Anonymous
See a therapist, start meditating, journaling, and working out. |
Anonymous
| He is too nice to you. If you were less sure of his love, you wouldn't be taking it for granted. (I'm a DW.) |
Anonymous
All this. Your 40s are hard. You can do this thing. Cultivate an interest with your husband, together ... traveling, bowling, sailing, naked baking, something NEW that you guys can do together. Without kids. |
Anonymous
| This legit sounds like the big issues of what it means to be alive. When life's necessities are more or less squared away, you look around and ask "what's the f**king point?" This is not at all unusual, but your relationship with your husband may well just be a symptom. |
Anonymous
| OP, go over to those threads about women losing sexual interest in their husbands. It happens. But if you want to stay together, you have to work at it. Do new things together, just you too. Fake it till you make it with sex. There are a lot of tools out there to help. |
Anonymous
| Love is a feeling it comes and goes. You need to work at maintain a connection with your spouse that tides you through the lower love periods. That is what intimacy is for - emotional, physical, and sexual. It connects you with or without feelings of love. Love needs that connection to return. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Marriage counseling may be helpful |
Anonymous
| As others said, you have to work at maintaining that connection. Without the work, it will fade with everyone, even if you divorce and fall madly in love again. Cliche as it is, loving someone is a choice and an action, not a feeling. |