Are most married couples unhappily married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love is a feeling it comes and goes. You need to work at maintain a connection with your spouse that tides you through the lower love periods. That is what intimacy is for - emotional, physical, and sexual. It connects you with or without feelings of love. Love needs that connection to return.

Love isn’t jus let a feeling. It’s an action.

I had a rough patch with my spouse where I felt not in love with him. I remembered a Stephen Covey story, wherein a man asked him for advice because he didn’t love his wife. Covey’s advice was “love your wife.” It reminded me that love is a verb, not just an emotion. So even though I didn’t feel very loving, I started doing loving things - not big, just little stuff like making his favorite dinner. DH responded by doing more little acts of love, too - without us talking about it. And the loving feelings came back.

That was 10 years ago, and things are better than ever. So don’t just give up. You need to “fake it til you make it” as some might say. Bring the love back by being loving. It sounds stupid, but it really works.

That's great. What about when someone you love starts calling you names and you fall out of love with them? He has stopped now but I don't think I can go back to being in love.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love is a feeling it comes and goes. You need to work at maintain a connection with your spouse that tides you through the lower love periods. That is what intimacy is for - emotional, physical, and sexual. It connects you with or without feelings of love. Love needs that connection to return.

Love isn’t jus let a feeling. It’s an action.

I had a rough patch with my spouse where I felt not in love with him. I remembered a Stephen Covey story, wherein a man asked him for advice because he didn’t love his wife. Covey’s advice was “love your wife.” It reminded me that love is a verb, not just an emotion. So even though I didn’t feel very loving, I started doing loving things - not big, just little stuff like making his favorite dinner. DH responded by doing more little acts of love, too - without us talking about it. And the loving feelings came back.

That was 10 years ago, and things are better than ever. So don’t just give up. You need to “fake it til you make it” as some might say. Bring the love back by being loving. It sounds stupid, but it really works.

That's great. What about when someone you love starts calling you names and you fall out of love with them? He has stopped now but I don't think I can go back to being in love.

I think you can. My husband and I were HORRIBLE to each other but we were able to say “hey, I want to stay married” and we have gotten over it. It was the “let’s just commit to not getting divorced” strategy and it works. Sometimes it is easier to set bad experiences aside for the sake of keeping your marriage and family together.

[Anonymous]

OP I could have written your post, although DH makes about half of yours.

I feel the same way and its hard. Everything looks great from the outside but I’m unhappy. Our sex life has been terrible (just a few times a year) for many years and it’s taken its toll.

He’s a great husband and father but I feel checked out. I just started therapy and am hopeful that that will help.