Are most married couples unhappily married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a correlated omitted variable here... generation. Many people are claiming that after 20 years of marriage you're not happy anymore. But to married 20 years, you're probably 50 years old or more, which means a lot are probably boomers. Like, have you ever MET a boomer? I wouldn't want to be married to one either!

Almost none of this applies to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a correlated omitted variable here... generation. Many people are claiming that after 20 years of marriage you're not happy anymore. But to married 20 years, you're probably 50 years old or more, which means a lot are probably boomers. Like, have you ever MET a boomer? I wouldn't want to be married to one either!

Almost none of this applies to OP.

Whoops, for some reason I thought this was the semi-related thread with all the older women saying they hate their marriage and just get used to it. Sorry!

[Anonymous]

Get individual counseling to figure out if the problem is in you (which would follow you) or the relationship. Don’t focus on the income—that is gross/transactional. Focus on making sure you don’t spend the rest of your life going through the motions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my friends vary between tolerating and hating their spouses.

I’m planning to remain single and live for myself.

Same. My mom has told me this is true for all of her friends too. I think part of the problem is that our expectations usually exceed reality. So while reality may be ok or even good, we want something better.

This makes me so glad I never married. I have total freedom and control over my own destiny. Staying in a dead marriage sounds horrendous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my friends vary between tolerating and hating their spouses.

I’m planning to remain single and live for myself.

Same. My mom has told me this is true for all of her friends too. I think part of the problem is that our expectations usually exceed reality. So while reality may be ok or even good, we want something better.

This makes me so glad I never married. I have total freedom and control over my own destiny. Staying in a dead marriage sounds horrendous

There are kids. Don’t forget the children. We don’t regret the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my friends vary between tolerating and hating their spouses.

I’m planning to remain single and live for myself.

Same. My mom has told me this is true for all of her friends too. I think part of the problem is that our expectations usually exceed reality. So while reality may be ok or even good, we want something better.

This makes me so glad I never married. I have total freedom and control over my own destiny. Staying in a dead marriage sounds horrendous

There are kids. Don’t forget the children. We don’t regret the children.

Lots of people regret the children too. They just have difficulty admitting that out loud.

[Anonymous]

Being with the same person for decades gets boring. That's life. It's a phase of life. You need to find something in your personal life as well as in your marriage that sparks joy again to keep you moving through life.

[Anonymous]

I’m happily married! Sorry! We’ve been married a long time and it has taken a lot of compromise and flexibility and not sweating the small stuff. A good sex life has also really helped. I can’t imagine being unhappily married for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my friends vary between tolerating and hating their spouses.

I’m planning to remain single and live for myself.

Same. My mom has told me this is true for all of her friends too. I think part of the problem is that our expectations usually exceed reality. So while reality may be ok or even good, we want something better.

This makes me so glad I never married. I have total freedom and control over my own destiny. Staying in a dead marriage sounds horrendous

There are kids. Don’t forget the children. We don’t regret the children.

Lots of people regret the children too. They just have difficulty admitting that out loud.

OP here. I do not regret my children. I love them more than anything and they really are developing into amazing people.

[Anonymous]

I am not unhappliy married but definitely not particularly happy. We co-parent well, financially are doing great, kids thriving. No real love, sex is long gone (her choice), and I am not sure how long I will remain faithfully celibate (does 6x in 2019 count?). I think what I have is your average marriage. No abuse, a genuine platonic love but if no marriage or children we would have broken up by now. So off to "make it work" whatever that means.

[Anonymous]

Try going to the location (if possible!) of your first date.

Try to remember the giddy, school-girl feeling that you once had for him.

You sound like a good candidate for individual therapy.
Talking to a professional is a good way to learn if this is truly a mid-life crisis or something more.

Wishing you all the best.

[Anonymous]

Did you real a lot of princess stories and romance novels as a kid? You don't seem to have a grasp on what real human relationships are supposed to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my friends vary between tolerating and hating their spouses.

I’m planning to remain single and live for myself.

Same. My mom has told me this is true for all of her friends too. I think part of the problem is that our expectations usually exceed reality. So while reality may be ok or even good, we want something better.

This makes me so glad I never married. I have total freedom and control over my own destiny. Staying in a dead marriage sounds horrendous

There are kids. Don’t forget the children. We don’t regret the children.

And what is your marital dynamic teaching children about love and relationships? Don't assume that is healthier than divorce.

[Anonymous]

No I don't think your situation is common. My husband is my best friend and always has been. How do you drift from your BFF? Especially if you are having fantastic sex on a regular basis.

It is very sad. You should try couples counseling.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are best friends and we laugh together and are still attracted to each other.

It has not always been a good marriage. There was a lot of conflict previously.

I will say that my mindset has changed- I always had a lot of big dreams about what my life and marriage should be and most of them have not panned out. I accept the DH I have and I enjoy the life that I have. There’s not much more to it than that.