Husband of 11 years suddenly watching porn
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Anonymous
| I first saw it in his phone when I was searching in the browser. It popped up when I typed in a letter as a previous viewed suggestion. I told him that I saw it and even laughed about it. He said he accidently clicked on a pop up. I believed him. I was also very pregnant at the time and kind of understood why he would want to, if he did actually watch it. Fast forward 5 months, my phone is broken, so he lets me use his. There it is clear as day again on his open pages. I won't lie, now I did search history and he did watch some porn. Not excessively but he did. I'm upset he lied about it when I was understanding... and now I feel like maybe he has lost feelings for me or I'm not attractive... he used to say men who watch porn are "perverts"... why the sudden change? Thoughts?? |
Anonymous
| Been there. I felt like I was missing something from DW. Porn was a weak substitute. |
Anonymous
| So how is your sex life? |
Anonymous
| This was not a sudden change. They only thing that changed is that you're aware of it now. Many people lie about how much they watch based on the shame they feel about sex as a result of how their families treated the issue when they were growing up. (The fact that he previously used words like "perverts" to describe porn watchers is a pretty obvious sign that he was not raised in an especially open or accepting family.) That shame is something that's hard to overcome, even in a good and trusting marriage. Anyway, porn is like a lot of things where it can be part of a healthy life and it can be a sign of more serious problems. The most important thing you can do is to get the lines of communication open, but that's going to take some coaxing because of the shame he feels. Don't take it personally or flip out if it takes some time and positive reinforcement to get him to open up. Your goal is to get to a better place with respect to the shame he feels around his body and sex and to be able to feel confident to talk about these things, not to get him to confess he watches porn. |
Anonymous
|
All men watch porn some of the time.
They tried to do a study of men who watch vs don't watch and had to stop because they couldn't find one man who didn't watch porn. You can Google this. The real question is why he felt the need to lie about normal male behavior. I assume it's because he knows you get upset over it |
Anonymous
| He didn’t suddenly start, he’s been doing it all along. It’s normal, he lied because he knew you’d be judgmental. |
Anonymous
| All men watch some porn. Honestly I thought most women do too. |
Anonymous
| It’s not a big deal. |
Anonymous
| Okay sure |
Anonymous
Woman here. I used to, but porn has become way too perverted these days. I know this may sound odd, but I’ve noticed a change in the content, and it’s a turnoff. |
Anonymous
| Ironically (or maybe not ironically) at the moment, the next two threads in this forum are about women who don’t want to have sex with their husbands..... |
Anonymous
| If it’s gay porn, run.... |
Anonymous
|
1) probably isn't a new behavior
2) why is this so upsetting to you? 3) have you had an honest, non judgemental conversation with your husband about porn usage? 4) why he calls porn users perverts is probably to throw you off. Like the people who used to condemn gay people in public but would sneak down to the local gay bar for a little gay action. "The lady doth protest too much, methinks" is one way of thinking of it. Anyway, have an honest conversation with him. Without insulting or being judgemental and maybe you'll find something out? |
Anonymous
| OP I get that the issue isn't porn but him lying about it. You don't want him to hide this and so do you instead ask him about general relationship discussion on a date night and what would make it better? Challenge is that he is not open about his needs and getting him to open up may require discussions like this over time as opposed to one meeting. |
Anonymous
| Female here. I watch Porn. DH and I have a great sex life. I'm sure DH watches it too. He lied because of the reaction you're having. You claim to be fine with it but the reality is you're wondering if you're not attractive or If there is a problem. There isn't. Some people just enjoy getting off on their own to a little porn. Now if this is some crazy porn, maybe I'd get it more. The porn I watch is clearly consensual, homemade, amateur porn. |