How to support friend whose DH ran off with a 20-something

[Anonymous]

Just found out today from her and pretty shocked. Didn't detect any problems in the marriage and she states there weren't any.
Kids are in college. She's self-employed and makes a tiny fraction of what he makes.
We're not that close but she's a really sweet person and I'm wondering what would be helpful if you've BTDT.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP.

It really doesn't matter whether she new or not.

Maybe call her soon ask if she'd like to go for coffee and just listen.

[Anonymous]

Go after his pocket. Hit it where it hurts!

[Anonymous]

You need to offer:

1. Listening and sympathetic ears.

2. Practical advice. She needs to see a lawyer immediately. She needs to watch the joint accounts.

[Anonymous]

Advice...

1. Lawyer
2. Therapist
3. Therapist for kids
4. Do the 180, don’t take his calls.. period.


Go on a girls weekend and treat her.

[Anonymous]

How did he snag a woman in her 20s? How old is he? It likely won’t last.

[Anonymous]

He probably complained about a lack his of sex for years, she ignored his pleas and made no effort to change, he finally lost interest and quit complaining, which led her to interpret the marriage as a good one since they didn’t fight, while all the while he was planning his exit once the kids were out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He probably complained about a lack his of sex for years, she ignored his pleas and made no effort to change, he finally lost interest and quit complaining, which led her to interpret the marriage as a good one since they didn’t fight, while all the while he was planning his exit once the kids were out of the house.

Still, IRL tough to find a twenty-something who is a hottie willing to go with an older guy unless he’s a really big deal.

[Anonymous]

Details don't really matter...this is really hard.

Just check in periodically and follow her lead. If it makes sense, invite her to join big holiday plans...but without any pressure. A good friend got divorced last year...and I'm so, so glad I asked her to join our (low key, kinda boring) NYE last year. I thought it might be boring for her, but she didn't have plans already and gladly joined us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just found out today from her and pretty shocked. Didn't detect any problems in the marriage and she states there weren't any.
Kids are in college. She's self-employed and makes a tiny fraction of what he makes.
We're not that close but she's a really sweet person and I'm wondering what would be helpful if you've BTDT.

Take her a bottle of wine, a box of tissue and listening ears. I'm sure she's devastated.

[Anonymous]

Tell her this little gem- We know a guy who traded his first wife in her her late 40’s in for a 27 year old. They got married and now 3 years into the marriage he stays home to babysit her child from a previous relationship while she goes out bar hopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He probably complained about a lack his of sex for years, she ignored his pleas and made no effort to change, he finally lost interest and quit complaining, which led her to interpret the marriage as a good one since they didn’t fight, while all the while he was planning his exit once the kids were out of the house.

Please go somewhere and get laid because you keep replaying this same scenario on every post. It's tired.

[Anonymous]

Pretty good chance he will be back in 4-6 months.

[Anonymous]

Listen to her, be there for her.

Help her find a good lawyer. Help her figure out what questions to ask - especially financial ones (does she have enough money to get through the next 6 months?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He probably complained about a lack his of sex for years, she ignored his pleas and made no effort to change, he finally lost interest and quit complaining, which led her to interpret the marriage as a good one since they didn’t fight, while all the while he was planning his exit once the kids were out of the house.

Please go somewhere and get laid because you keep replaying this same scenario on every post. It's tired.

Unfortunately, no-one wants to touch him, so we have to suffer the consequences. Anyone out there who’s willing to help this guy out?