DH might be cheating...need some perspective and IPhone tech info

[Anonymous]

My husband looks at adult/theraputic ads on Craigslist on his IPhone. After a lot of talking and therapy on my part, I'm ok with that, as it is an escape for him and we agreed that he isn't to actually contact them or go to one of them. Well, we have been having problems recently and he has been acting really odd and I did something I know was not right and will probably live to regret: I looked at his Iphone and saw 3 txts to different numbers sent within a few minutes, each saying do you have an appointment this afternoon. So I looked the last 4 digits up on Craiglist and, low and behold, one of them came up advertising services near his office/our home. So I confronted my husband, who denies that he sent the text msgs and said that he looked at the ads on Craigslist but he didn't send the messages, that they must have been sent when he surfed around on the ads. Frankly, I'm more tech-savvy than he is and, to my knowledge, no one can send a text message remotely from an IPhone.

Please don't tell me that I was wrong to check his phone. I admit that and it really is inexcusable. It was wrong and I got what I deserved for snooping. Thus, I'm not really interested in going back on his phone looking for more information. At this point, I'm more interested in trying to determine if my husband lied to me about contacting them than whether he actually sent the messages, because then I'm not sure if I can believe him about not visiting them then. (I know...smells like a rat, probably is.)

Does anyone have any perspective and/or IPhone tech experience that might help me determine whether he is telling the truth.

[Anonymous]

I think he is lying and that he is not particularly good at it. Even if some link opened the text message program, he'd still have to add in the text. What are the chances that these ladies set up their websites to include a link that would to automatically send them texts requesting afternoon appointments from people who don't want them?

I can't even believe he was not smart enough to at least tell you that a buddy at work sent the texts on his phone as a joke -- that is more believable.

Also, what are the chances that three advertisers had these magic links in their ads and that he accidentally hit those magic links three different times on three different ads. You went to one of the ads, did you see one of these magic links?

Not only is he lying to you, but it also sounds like he broke his explicit promise to you to not visit one of these places.

I also don't think it is inexcusable to check his phone in these circumstances -- it is the lesser of the two transgressions at issue.

[Anonymous]

Just tried clicking on an ad in craigslist on my iPhone. No it does not auto type nor does it auto send. I'm sorry OP.

I also do not find it wrong to go though his phone if he's lying to you.

[Anonymous]

He is lying to you. My advice: talk to a therapist (alone) and work out what you are going to do. If you don't have the financial resources to split with your husband, start to put away something in a separate account. It may give you some solace to take this time and see how things go with your husband, agreeing to put this behind you, while you also make the kinds of preparations which would be useful if you find that this kind of behavior surfaces again.

I was married to a lier/cheater, and unfortunately I spent too much time believing his cockamamie stories. I should have gotten wise and started to make plans. I would have been in a far better position when we eventually divorced.

[Anonymous]

Been there. Don't be stupid. Of course he is cheating.

[Anonymous]

What are adult therapeutic ads and why would one want to look at them and not do anything about it? Yes, smells like a rat. So sorry.

[Anonymous]

He is lying. I'm sorry, OP. I also don't see anything wrong with looking at texts on your husband's iPhone. IMO the only people who get worked up over their significant other checking out their texts/messages on their phone are the ones with something to hide. Otherwise, why would you care? I don't care if my DH uses my phone and looks at texts? Why would I? Same goes with email, internet, etc.

But that is another thread I guess.

OP - again - I am sorry but sounds like your husband has a serious problem. Personally, I also think it is very weird to even want to look at that stuff "to relax".

[Anonymous]

PP here...

OP, one thing that struck me about your post was that you mentioned that "you got what you deserved" for snooping.

Please do not feel that way. Even if you fall into the camp that thinks that looking at your husband's texts is an invasion of privacy (which I don't think), you DO NOT deserve to be cheated on. You do NOT deserve to be lied to. I hope you DH isn't trying to deflect criticism of his behavior by making you feel like you did something wrong, because you absolutely did not.

[Anonymous]

He is lying. You were not wrong to check his phone. In fact, I would go through it again to get the whole story so you can start making plans to do whatever it is you decide to do. Knowledge is power and it seems like you can't rely on your husband to tell you the truth. You have to protect yourself.

[Anonymous]

100% impossible to send an automessage without actually typing it and hitting send. I have an iPhone. Sorry OP, he's lying and probably cheating. And I would definitely snoop until I get to the bottom of it. In my view, if he is not worthy of your trust then he can't expect to have his privacy like most people do... sorry OP...

[Anonymous]

Definitely lying.

Not worth looking at if you don't plan to act.

Also technologically impossible.... and lastly...even if it were possible.. why would these women send requests to themselves for appointments? It makes no sense...they want people who will actually come, not just a bunch of texts asking that lead no where.... is completely illogical no matter how you look at it.

I'm so sorry. perhaps you should go through the phone again and forward any copies of these remaining to yourself so you have evidence if needed.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but he's lying. I have an iPhone, and while it's very, very easy for it to "ass-dial" someone when you don't mean to call them, I've never heard of an auto text being sent. I search and click on websites all the time through the google app and will sometimes direct-dial the business from the website, but I've never had a text generated from doing so. And it's unusual to send a text to a business vs. a call or an email, unless you're texting your vote to American Idol, so I'd assume these texts were going to individuals with cell phones.

Best-case scenario - he was looking for a legitimate (no happy-ending) massage. But if that was the case, he'd probably admit to that. Sorry. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

He is a lying cheat. You know this and that is why you snooped. But I don't understand why you are feeling guilty when he is the one that should be.

By the way, no one looks at adds on Craig's list as an "escape". They look at them because they are at least thinking about contacting them, and probably are. This isn't pornography, which could more genuinely be classified as an escape.

[Anonymous]

9:12 PP here - oh, and I don't think you're wrong for checking his phone. While I'm not someone who snoops as a general rule, I probably would if I had valid reasons to distrust my husband. And I would expect that if I were acting shady, my BF/husband/whatever might look at my phone or my email or whatever to try to figure out why. I wouldn't blame him.

If he was really trying to hide it, or was better at this, you never would have found out in the first place. He would have deleted those texts immediately after sending them - it's not hard to do. So either he was trying to get caught or you're just lucky that he's inept (or stupid) enough to have made it so easy for you. Again, good luck, and sorry to be one bearer of bad news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tried clicking on an ad in craigslist on my iPhone. No it does not auto type nor does it auto send. I'm sorry OP.

I also do not find it wrong to go though his phone if he's lying to you.

I agree that it's not inexcusable to go through his phone under these circumstances--anybody would be suspicious. You had reason to believe that something wasn't right and that he wouldn't necessarily be honest with you if you confronted him. It's clear that he's been attempting to meet up with whoever is placing these adds.