DH might be cheating...need some perspective and IPhone tech info

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So is the OP's discovery of these texts "karma" for something she did?

No. DUH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So is the OP's discovery of these texts "karma" for something she did?

Not at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So is the OP's discovery of these texts "karma" for something she did?

No. DUH.

Anonymous wrote:

Not at all.

Explain how karma works selectively, if you would.

[Anonymous]

Oh, PP, please just go away.

[Anonymous]

Gladly.

[Anonymous]

Don't leave PP, I liked your points of view

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow PP (21:02). Thanks for the thoughtful and sensitive response. You have no idea what I went through and yet you feel qualified to judge. Yes, I worked hard to do whatever I needed to do to rebuild the trust in my marriage, and that included lots of checking up on him at first (less over time and almost never now). I did this for my kids, because I truly believed that it was what was best for them. The full disclosure from him is what I needed in the beginning, which is where the OP is now, to even feel that I could give staying in the marriage a shot. My point for OP was merely that absent that complete and utter level of honesty and openess, there is no way to move forward staying in the relationship.

My husband is basically a good guy who did a terrible thing for a lot of reasons that are complicated and which are our own business. He has owned up to it fully and humbly, and has done everything he can to make amends, and I find that as time goes by and he has been totally open with me, that I am beginning to trust him again. Staying together and working on our marriage was the choice I made because after much soul-searching, I decided this is what would be best for our kids and for me as well. And as bizarre as this sounds, our relationship is a better one now because it is a more honest one. Yes, he smashed my world and caused me the worst pain you can imagine, but we have painstakingly glued it back together, and maybe it isn't as pretty as it used to be, and yes you can see the scars, but it is real and human and not something to be made a mockery of with your casual "gag." This is real life and it is messy and ugly and heartbreaking, but we forged ahead one day at a time to get to a new normal. Maybe you are lucky enough to have a 'perfect' marriage but let me tell you you never know when things will come crashing down on you. We were the couple everyone thought was "perfect" and wanted to emulate--I can't tell you how many times I was told how great we were together, and you know I thought so too. He was never abusive, never seemed to have had his eye on other women, did stuff around the house, great with the kids, just the kind of guy you love to bring home to mom. To this day anyone who found out about his affair would be SHOCKED. And I always told my husband jokingly that if he cheated I would kick him to the curb no questions asked and I really believed that I would (although never dreamed it would be a choice I'd have to make). And yet when it really happened to me and I realized that nothing is that simple. I make my own money -- more than him in fact-- and can take care of myself and don't mind being on my own so it wasn't a question of "needing" my husband. Leaving him would have been the easy way. But I have chosen to stay and it took more guts than I knew I had, and required every ounce of love for my kids that I could muster. And you know, it was worth it. I have come out the other side and it has been worth it, no doubt in my mind.

So think before you post your sarcastic, flip little response next time why don't you. I'm a real person sitting here you know? A person with feelings who has been through hell and has the battle scars to prove it. And there are many many women out there just like me. We aren't stupid patsies who don't know any better. We are women and mothers who have done what we needed to do to make the best possible lives for our families. For some women that means leaving an abusive or destructive relationship. For others that means sucking it up and rebuilding what was broken, whatever it takes.

*standing and applauding*

I am in a similar boat, and I could not possibly have explained it better than this. I think that people who haven't been there - and statistically, many of us have or will eventually - just don't understand what infidelity is truly like.

I agree. BRAVO.

No one can ever tell what's going on in someone else's marriage. And no one can ever truly predict what a spouse might do. Just ask any psychologist.

And judging people like PP is both naive and cruel. Just remember, PP, your husband could be next!

[Anonymous]

Oh get off your fricken high horses! The only thing the poster said was that checking up on their spouse that much and that often did not sound like a lot of fun.

Get the eff over yourselves. Nobody "judged" or was cruel and naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So is the OP's discovery of these texts "karma" for something she did?

No. DUH.

Anonymous wrote:

Not at all.

Explain how karma works selectively, if you would.

Karma isn't selective but what OP did wasn't something that would generate bad karma and it actually may have been accumulated positive karma that led her to look at her husband's records. No one was wronged by her actions and the information it provided has brought her to a crux. The decisions she makes as a result of this crux may generate good or bad karma for her (depending upon her actions) but looking at her husband's records doesn't generate karma. It's the people who lack empathy and/or judge who are accumulating bad karma which will be revisited upon them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh get off your fricken high horses! The only thing the poster said was that checking up on their spouse that much and that often did not sound like a lot of fun.

Get the eff over yourselves. Nobody "judged" or was cruel and naive.

If that poster had just left it that it was a lot of work to check credit reports, I would have agreed with you. In fact, if even if she had just left it at the first two sentences, I would have agreed. It was the "gag" at the end that totally changed the tone of the post and to me, and at least several others, came across as judgmental and cruel. Since that poster hasn't come back to correct that impression, I can only assume our reading is correct.

[Anonymous]

But isn't discovering a potentially cheaty husband an example of bad karma revisiting someone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh get off your fricken high horses! The only thing the poster said was that checking up on their spouse that much and that often did not sound like a lot of fun.

Get the eff over yourselves. Nobody "judged" or was cruel and naive.

Oh, and this could possibly be creating bad karma. Don't want to accumulate too much of that stuff. Never know when it's going to be revisited upon you.

[Anonymous]

Gag means "Boy, there's no way that would sound like something Id want to do in MY life. But for you? HAVE AT IT SISTER"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh get off your fricken high horses! The only thing the poster said was that checking up on their spouse that much and that often did not sound like a lot of fun.

Get the eff over yourselves. Nobody "judged" or was cruel and naive.

BRAVO!!! STANDING OVATION!!! TIP OF THE HAT!!!! TWO SHEETS TO THE WIND!!! POLLY WOLLY DOODLE ALL DAY!!!

[Anonymous]

So much for decorum.