Step parents in blended families, what is the answer to "is he your only child?"
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| DH and I have one bio child (6), but we have two stepchildren, now in college, who we shared custody with growing up. We have a positive relationship, they spend their holidays and summers with us, and everyone seems happy to have a strong sibling relationship. People often ask if DS is my only child. I don't want to say yes because it feels somehow like I don't think of my step children as part of our family, and that is not how I feel. I don't say "no - we have two older kids" because I didn't raise them and the idea that I am a mom of three kids isn't really accurate. I always say something like "yes, but my DH has two children as well - they are in college". What is a better way to answer this question? |
Anonymous
|
I think what you’re saying is fine. It shows you’re comfortable with your family and you’re not trying to pretend that the older kids are yours or that they don’t exist.
Saying with a smile “Yes, he’s my only one but my DH has 2 older children in college” or “he has 2 half brothers in college.” Any variation of what you’re saying is fine. |
Anonymous
| How about, "I am Step-Mom to two in college" |
Anonymous
| I'd say, "I'm also a step mom to two. They're in college now." |
Anonymous
| Your response makes it sound as if you don't have a relationship with your stepchildren. If you parented them, I'd acknowledge them as your stepchildren, not your husband's children. |
Anonymous
Yup this. |
Anonymous
This. |
Anonymous
That's similar to what I say. "We have three together who are at home, plus I have two awesome step-children who are grown." |
Anonymous
|
The answer is “We have three”
My dad remarried when I was young and I have two half siblings from his second marriage. My stepmom just tells everyone that she has three children. My siblings and I rarely say anything about being half siblings. It only comes up if we’re talking about genetics or something. |
Anonymous
| Ugh, the worst OP. I'm so glad my husband calls my son his son and treats him like his son. |
Anonymous
PP, is your son's father in his life? Not the OP, but it isn't about how you treat or how much you love the children. Usually when people ask you how many they have, they are not assessing your love for your children, they are seeing how you spend your time, what you might have in common, etc. I love my step-children like my own and no words can change that. They wouldn't disagree. But I'm not their mother. They have a mother who they love and who is involved in their life and I respect that. When I identify myself as a step-mother, it says nothing more than that. Identifying my role. It is not exactly the same as as being their full time mother from birth. |
Anonymous
| I’m going to have my first child with my husband. We each have a kid from a previous relationship. When people ask me how many kids I have i usually say “we have 2” or “my husband and I have 2”. It’s when I start to discuss my life or situation further that i mention we each have a child from a previous relationship. When new baby comes it will just be “we have 3 kids”. |
Anonymous
Yes, his Dad is in his life! He is still also my husband's son too. My husband is his step Father, and my son is his son. There is no step in at least his title and the love that my husband gives him. |
Anonymous
Does he call your husband "dad"? |
Anonymous
| “He has two half-siblings.” |