Second Date- Yes or No

[Anonymous]

Recently separated 46 year old UMC, post grad educated, white woman. I'd been married for 14 years. I haven't been with another man since before my husband.

My sister says I needed to say fvck it and just into into Tinder to 'get alive again'

First few dates are just really ick because its obvious the guys think it's basically a booty call. That's not my interest at all.

Match with another guy and we actually correspond for a week before meeting. We meet. He's cute-ish, a little short, but he's professional, well spoken and kind so I'm open to meet again.

I suggest Indian. He says he's never had Indian food. I figure he's kidding but he's not so I say how about Pho. He says he doesn't even know what that is. Alarms are going off. How does a 45 year old urban professional not know about Pho or curry? Just for fun I then suggest Banh Mi. Yeah, never heard of that. He's never been out off the country. He doesn't read, never been to a play etc.

He's incredibly uncultured and its weird given his station.

Would you go out again?

[Anonymous]

I would but I enjoy spending time with folks that are different, not in a bad way.

[Anonymous]

What's his reaction to those things? Does he seem open to eating things he's never heard of? The openness to new experience would be more of the litmus test for a second date than past experience for me.

[Anonymous]

No. Find someone compatible.

[Anonymous]

Is he willing to try the Pho or the Indian food? Is he otherwise a nice, considerate guy?

[Anonymous]

Ha! My college boyfriend had never had an avocado before I met him and as a person who grew up in the central valley (CA) I just couldn't wrap my head around it. He was from Connecticut which didn't mean much to me back then, but looking back now I realize I was the weirdo assuming everyone had identical backgrounds.

I love my husband but he was pretty perfect, tbh.

[Anonymous]

Has he even brought up a second date? You may not be right for him either, and may never hear from him again. Problem solved.

If he does ask you out, simply and kindly tell him you don't think you have much in common and move on.

And by the way, the fact you tout your own background right up front as though it's a banner to be waved is a bit off-putting. Plus, calling him "uncultured" because he hasn't experienced what YOU have is judgmental without reason.

You don't even know him well enough to understand his background and life story. There may be many reasons he never travelled or hasn't tried all the global cuisines you have.

How about trying a little slice of Humble Pie before you go on your next date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he even brought up a second date? You may not be right for him either, and may never hear from him again. Problem solved.

If he does ask you out, simply and kindly tell him you don't think you have much in common and move on.

And by the way, the fact you tout your own background right up front as though it's a banner to be waved is a bit off-putting. Plus, calling him "uncultured" because he hasn't experienced what YOU have is judgmental without reason.

You don't even know him well enough to understand his background and life story. There may be many reasons he never travelled or hasn't tried all the global cuisines you have.

How about trying a little slice of Humble Pie before you go on your next date?

If he has good reasons, does that mean he's suddenly not "uncultured"? Uncultured has a meaning. Some people are uncultured. Who cares why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he willing to try the Pho or the Indian food? Is he otherwise a nice, considerate guy?

This. If he's open minded and willing to give ethnic food, plays etc. a fair shake, why not? If not, definitely no.

[Anonymous]

He is also having second thoughts.

[Anonymous]

If even is willing to try new things - yes

If he resists - no

And OP needs to open her mind and relax. Enjoy the process - learning about new people will help you learn about yourself. You have been living under a rock for 14 years.

[Anonymous]

no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's his reaction to those things? Does he seem open to eating things he's never heard of? The openness to new experience would be more of the litmus test for a second date than past experience for me.

This

If he is open to doing new things great. If he doesnt even want to try new stuff like that then I say no to a 2nd date.

[Anonymous]

maybe he doesn't want to eat those with you because of the intestinal havoc they will wreak should things become intimate. same reason you wouldn't fill up on cabbage perhaps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he even brought up a second date? You may not be right for him either, and may never hear from him again. Problem solved.

If he does ask you out, simply and kindly tell him you don't think you have much in common and move on.

And by the way, the fact you tout your own background right up front as though it's a banner to be waved is a bit off-putting. Plus, calling him "uncultured" because he hasn't experienced what YOU have is judgmental without reason.

You don't even know him well enough to understand his background and life story. There may be many reasons he never travelled or hasn't tried all the global cuisines you have.

How about trying a little slice of Humble Pie before you go on your next date?

Whooah, your anger and aggression about a totally reasonable question is ... just...gross. Go take a walk or something.