Second Date- Yes or No

[Anonymous]

Hmmm, maybe a second date, why not. But I wouldn’t hold out hope or will blossom into anything.

My DH has a post graduate degree, is not from the US, and has traveled to a few other countries. We have eaten Vietnamese and Indian several times. I can assure you if you asked him if has had pho he wouldn’t know (he has) and I don’t think he could specifically name any Indian cuisine besides curry. He just doesn’t pay attention to that sort of thing. Maybe this guy is equally aloof to these things too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently separated 46 year old UMC, post grad educated, white woman. I'd been married for 14 years. I haven't been with another man since before my husband.

My sister says I needed to say fvck it and just into into Tinder to 'get alive again'

First few dates are just really ick because its obvious the guys think it's basically a booty call. That's not my interest at all.

Match with another guy and we actually correspond for a week before meeting. We meet. He's cute-ish, a little short, but he's professional, well spoken and kind so I'm open to meet again.

I suggest Indian. He says he's never had Indian food. I figure he's kidding but he's not so I say how about Pho. He says he doesn't even know what that is. Alarms are going off. How does a 45 year old urban professional not know about Pho or curry? Just for fun I then suggest Banh Mi. Yeah, never heard of that. He's never been out off the country. He doesn't read, never been to a play etc.

He's incredibly uncultured and its weird given his station.

Would you go out again?

I love, love Indian food. I've never heard of Pho or Banh Mi. If that kind of thing is important to you, do this guy a favor and cut him loose. Obviously, your level of snobbery and what you find important in a relationship is way different than his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with this guy is not his food choices. It is his stupidity. If he didn't know what the food choices were he could quickly find out (the world wide web) instead of responding like a plebe.

then op would be on here complaining that he is on his phone instead of talking to her. Who stops and googles pho in the middle of a conversation? Rude people. That’s who. If you’re taking about food you’ve never heard of you don’t pull your phone out, you say you haven’t heard of it or don’t like it or whatever. You keep the convo going.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this is a lot of discussion over something that isn’t going to be marriage. Just go on another date, date enough to have sex. Let him be an ice breaker. You don’t need to try out dating on Mr Perfect while you’re rusty.

[Anonymous]

He's lying. He wants you to turn him down instead of just saying he doesn't want to see you again.

[Anonymous]

Guy here. I have some male friends who just aren't adventurous when it comes to food. One friend, a very successful businessman, and his dinners are home every night are plain chicken and rice or pasta. His DW complains that's all they'll get if he cooks, so she does most of the cooking.

I also had a friend who was a housekeeper for a fortune 500 CEO in this area. Despite having wealth beyond belief, the teenage kids had never been outside the US. The father would travel abroad just for work, and come back right after his meetings.

That may not be for you, so move on if it isn't. Just realize the guy may be a nice and loyal guy, even if he's not adventurous about food.

Plenty more options out there for a divorced middle-aged woman these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's lying. He wants you to turn him down instead of just saying he doesn't want to see you again.

For once, I actually agree. OP you've gotten far too caught up in the DC snobbery. The first rule of dating after divorce is CHILL OUT.

[Anonymous]

You sound like you’re trying to start a new serious relationship. Take your sister’s advice. Get out there and ride a few hot guys. Who cares if they know what Pho is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently separated 46 year old UMC, post grad educated, white woman. I'd been married for 14 years. I haven't been with another man since before my husband.

My sister says I needed to say fvck it and just into into Tinder to 'get alive again'

First few dates are just really ick because its obvious the guys think it's basically a booty call. That's not my interest at all.

Match with another guy and we actually correspond for a week before meeting. We meet. He's cute-ish, a little short, but he's professional, well spoken and kind so I'm open to meet again.

I suggest Indian. He says he's never had Indian food. I figure he's kidding but he's not so I say how about Pho. He says he doesn't even know what that is. Alarms are going off. How does a 45 year old urban professional not know about Pho or curry? Just for fun I then suggest Banh Mi. Yeah, never heard of that. He's never been out off the country. He doesn't read, never been to a play etc.

He's incredibly uncultured and its weird given his station.

Would you go out again?

What exactly is his station, so to speak?

The DH of one of my friends sounds like this. He's quite wealthy, has made tons of $$$ as an exec at a large builder (like a Toll Bros). But he's very uncultured in many ways--won't eat anything spicier than salt, not well read, etc.

His station, LMAO. Oh this is too funny. I didn't realise the US was so much like India with stations and caste's. How enlightened for you.

Op please leave this poor guy alone. Let him find a nice woman he can have a laugh with.

[Anonymous]

No because either you aren’t that attracted to him or you aren’t really compatible and if you met a guy that looked like Brad Pitt (pre-Angelina) you would turn him down if he wasn’t cultured.

FWIW, both my DH and I will eat a variety of food if we need to in a work situation but when it’s our choice we are both meat and potatoes.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why is OP accused of snobbery (love Indian food but don't know what pho is either) - it does seem like this guy lived some kind of an isolated life. He won't all of a sudden become interested in trying different foods (or he will, just so that she likes him for the time being, but not in a long run). Usually this kind of ignorance comes with some other problems, I'd be careful. Food habits are really important for a life together.
Yes, there should be some compromising but not on everything. So far his only asset is that he seems kind.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t, because it sounds like it will keep coming up in different arenas.

Full disclosure:I am 60 and never married...probably because I was quick to rule potential partners out.

(Happy though, having made a cool life for myself)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with this guy is not his food choices. It is his stupidity. If he didn't know what the food choices were he could quickly find out (the world wide web) instead of responding like a plebe.

then op would be on here complaining that he is on his phone instead of talking to her. Who stops and googles pho in the middle of a conversation? Rude people. That’s who. If you’re taking about food you’ve never heard of you don’t pull your phone out, you say you haven’t heard of it or don’t like it or whatever. You keep the convo going.

I’m guessing the dinner conversation was not in person. Likely text

[Anonymous]

My husband hates sushi, I had no idea. He wanted me to pick where I'd like to go for Valentine's Day, also because I had a rough day at work. I picked sushi. He didn't tell me until we got to the restaurant that he doesn't like sushi. Needless to say, it was fine he ate something else on the menu. Bottom line, he wanted me to be happy and didn't mind taking me. That's husband material.

Guy you went on a date with? Not husband material.

[Anonymous]

put out & figure it out