Sister in law very different parenting style - adjust or hold the line?

[Anonymous]

My kids are super close with their cousins and are about the same age. We spend the holidays together. I am by no means super healthy and my kids def do all the kids stuff (occasional sucker, juice at a bday party, etc). My sister in law however stocks the fridge with juice boxes. I don't think I ever saw their kids drink water. They probably each drink 6-7 juice boxes a day (4 and 6 years old). She also lets her kids decide what's on the menu to eat vs. putting a plate out. Therefore, they never eat nourishing food. They get these chocolate eggs also pretty often. They also introduced my kids to Shirley Temples at a restaurant this week. We eat out quite a bit and have never given them soda. Of course they kind of loved it.

Is this common for anyone else? Should I do a better job of holding the line with endless juice boxes, etc. and risk my kids freaking b/c the other kids are getting them, or just let it go since we only are with them 3-4 times per year?

[Anonymous]

Decide what's reasonable, erring on the side of fun and special treat. Don't say yes to everything.

Whatever you do, dot judge her out loud. Don't make much of "WE don't NORMALLY drink juice, but just this ONCE..."

Ow interesting that you are pinning this only on SIL and not your brother. Even if he is kinda passive about it, he's equally responsible for his kids' nutrition.

[Anonymous]

My kids have participated in conversations about what to have for dinner since they were old enough to articulate a preference. They don’t get exclusive control, but letting kids pick what they eat isn’t bad parenting. It sounds like your SIL doesn’t place the same importance you place on not having sweets. That’s fine. Your kids will not become addicted to juice because they have some with their cousins over the holidays. You have your rules at home and at 4 and 6 years old or similar, they will be able to understand that different houses have different rules.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

[Anonymous]

My siblings and my spouses siblings all married early and had kids early. We are both the youngest and married late and had kids late. Our kids' cousins are all 16-20 years older than them, so they are almost a generation unto themselves. They get spoiled silly by everyone, aunts, uncles, cousins. Everyone spoils them. Additionally, all of our extended family lives far away, Florida, Texas, California and Oregon.

A little indulgence doesn't hurt. We tell the kids that we can bend our rules when visiting with our family, but when we get home, we go back to regular rules. It sometimes takes them a week to "detox" from the constant overload of everything, but we get them back on track. Spending our time with family policing what they eat and do while everyone else is trying to find ways to covertly bend the rules is just not a fun way for anyone to share time with the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

Np. I hope at age 14 and 17 they are allowed juice and the occasional soda. You sound very controlling! Just wait until collegr.

[Anonymous]

You have to hold the line on your principles and desires in your own home and certainly when out. There is nothing you can do about your brother and SIL’s choices except to explain your reasoning and rules to your own kids.

Certainly don’t start giving your kids juice at home or let them dictate what the meal will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

Np. I hope at age 14 and 17 they are allowed juice and the occasional soda. You sound very controlling! Just wait until collegr.

Of course they have many options when they’re out. We just don’t have juice and soda in our house. You have reading difficulties. Might want to work on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

Np. I hope at age 14 and 17 they are allowed juice and the occasional soda. You sound very controlling! Just wait until collegr.

NP. Yes, parents have control. Once my kids are out of the house they will make their own decisions but while they’re young, I strive to give them the most nutritious foods and drink.

I never had soda or juice growing up and don’t like either as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

Np. I hope at age 14 and 17 they are allowed juice and the occasional soda. You sound very controlling! Just wait until collegr.

Seriously! At those ages, they are probably going out with friends and can buy whatever they want. If they aren't doing that now, next year at college he will have unlimited access to soda in the school dining hall!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

Seriously? It's orange juice, not hard liquor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

Np. I hope at age 14 and 17 they are allowed juice and the occasional soda. You sound very controlling! Just wait until collegr.

Of course they have many options when they’re out. We just don’t have juice and soda in our house. You have reading difficulties. Might want to work on that.

Might want to work on not being so controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

Seriously? It's orange juice, not hard liquor.

I read that and was like whoa! PP’s really walking on the wild side!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Decide what's reasonable, erring on the side of fun and special treat. Don't say yes to everything.

Whatever you do, dot judge her out loud. Don't make much of "WE don't NORMALLY drink juice, but just this ONCE..."

Ow interesting that you are pinning this only on SIL and not your brother. Even if he is kinda passive about it, he's equally responsible for his kids' nutrition.

This. Unobtrusively make your choices, and don't prattle on about it to show off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are super close with their cousins and are about the same age. We spend the holidays together. I am by no means super healthy and my kids def do all the kids stuff (occasional sucker, juice at a bday party, etc). My sister in law however stocks the fridge with juice boxes. I don't think I ever saw their kids drink water. They probably each drink 6-7 juice boxes a day (4 and 6 years old). She also lets her kids decide what's on the menu to eat vs. putting a plate out. Therefore, they never eat nourishing food. They get these chocolate eggs also pretty often. They also introduced my kids to Shirley Temples at a restaurant this week. We eat out quite a bit and have never given them soda. Of course they kind of loved it.

Is this common for anyone else? Should I do a better job of holding the line with endless juice boxes, etc. and risk my kids freaking b/c the other kids are getting them, or just let it go since we only are with them 3-4 times per year?

Yikes! Unlimited juice boxes is a horrible idea. Not to mention all the waste going into the landfill. I would be very uncomfortable with this situation.