Sister in law very different parenting style - adjust or hold the line?

[Anonymous]

I might compromise and let them share a juice box watered down in their own cups, but I wouldn’t let them have endless juice throughout the day. No way; and I’m not anti sweets at all. I call juice baby crack.

[Anonymous]

Shirley Temples are a gateway drug. Consider yourself forewarned OP.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read most of the responses. We do adjust our rules for situations like this and my kids have never had a problem understanding that things are different “on vacation” or “at grandmas” and back to regular rules at home. I also speak with my kids beforehand about limits when possible, so they know what I expect “so kids- feel free to enjoy lots of sweets- it’s a holiday! But absolutely no juice boxes. Water only- regardless of what sally and Larlo are drinking”

That said- it certainly is not something required of you- you have every right to parent as you please (as do your family members).

You are really only at the beginning- this comes up more and more as the kids enter school and are away from you (and your rules) more- at friends houses etc. IMO decide what is important and let some things go..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

My mother is like you. It made me fat.

[Anonymous]

Funny how everyone assumes SIL means brother’s wife and not husband’s sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

My mother is like you. It made me fat.

Same. It took me decades to unlearn the beliefs around food she instilled in me. I developed a binge eating disorder and ate in secret because my food at home was so controlled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Decide what's reasonable, erring on the side of fun and special treat. Don't say yes to everything.

Whatever you do, dot judge her out loud. Don't make much of "WE don't NORMALLY drink juice, but just this ONCE..."

Ow interesting that you are pinning this only on SIL and not your brother. Even if he is kinda passive about it, he's equally responsible for his kids' nutrition.

Hahaha YES what about your brother???!!!!!!

I prefer your SIL/bros parenting choices over yours, if I were forced to choose. At ages 4 and 6 you shouldn’t be having so much anxiety over juice boxes or a Shirley Temple (cute). If your kids were toddlers I would get it, but really you are being silly. Just tell your kid one juice box only and water after, if it is a lot.

Have you considered that this may not be SIL/bro’s normal everyday parenting style?? ? If they were hosting or traveling they may have relaxed their rules significantly- we most definitely do.

[Anonymous]

I hope I am wrong but I’m picturing a lovey SIL who hosted Thanksgiving and kindly stocked up on “kid stuff” (juice boxes, goldfish etc etc) to make a family and their children (her kids’ cousins) feel welcome. Especially if you don’t spend a lot of time together, she may not know what your kids eat and drink. Then she was so preoccupied hosting, that she either didn’t notice her kids overindulging or did and thought “eh it’s a holiday- whatever” Then she thought it’d be a cute cousin thing to gets the kids Shirley Temples when you were out- special cousin time and it is sort of cute. Is it possible this is the case??

We never have juice boxes around- in the occasion we drink juice I buy a jug from the refrigerator case. But if I was having a houseful of kids? Juice boxes and popular kid snacks would be at the top of the list.

[Anonymous]

We don't really do juice in our house so whenever my daughter gets access to juice boxes she goes little nuts. I think at her birthday party we had a bunch of juice boxes in a cooler and she probably had four or more. I chalked it up to it being a special occasion.

One of her closest friends gets a lot more junk food in her lunch box and "lunch dessert" so we've already had the "different families eat different foods" conversation. It's honestly not that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

My mother is like you. It made me fat.

Same. It took me decades to unlearn the beliefs around food she instilled in me. I developed a binge eating disorder and ate in secret because my food at home was so controlled.

Same...

"Go lean Kashi" mom, you are a complete control freak.

You may see it as a positive, but I guarantee the people around you feel the negative affects of your uncontrollable anxiety.

[Anonymous]

My children's food is one of the things I do not compromise my standards on, especially given that my standards aren't incredibly strict. Juice or soda for parties only, and I am careful about dessert items because of my son's lethal nut allergies. We avoid artificial coloring and preservatives and cook from scratch whenever possible. Certain much-sprayed fruits and veggies are on the organic list, the kids drink organic milk, etc.

Hold the line, OP. Your children will be healthier.

[Anonymous]

I have a similar issue with a good friend who also is our PT sitter after school.
I have told DD ( now 7) that different families have different rules and while I have relaxed a little bit we try and stick to that.
We drink water when we go out and my friends kid has Sprite.
She would normally let him have Oreos for a snack, we do not, but when my DD is there she tells her kid he can't have an Oreo for a snack. So its kind of 50/50
They drink milk a lot and DD doesnt drink cows milk, so when she has dinner there they have milk and she has water.

In your case I would let the kids have one juice a day, maybe 2 and then tell them to drink water like normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

My mother is like you. It made me fat.

Same. It took me decades to unlearn the beliefs around food she instilled in me. I developed a binge eating disorder and ate in secret because my food at home was so controlled.

Same...

"Go lean Kashi" mom, you are a complete control freak.

You may see it as a positive, but I guarantee the people around you feel the negative affects of your uncontrollable anxiety.

No, my friends and I are all like Kashi Mom, and our children have grown up to be healthy, reasonable teens. I'm from Europe and don't have this extreme junk food habit that some Americans have, so for us there is no debate. Food is supposed to be healthy, not too fatty, not too salty, not too sugary. It's a no-brainer. I have friends from Europe, Asia and Central America, and we all have the same opinions on food. Only one of my American friends eats like we do us - the rest are overweight and don't eat well.

As for this "control/anxiety issue", please recognize it for what it is: a red herring. It's easy as an independent adult to fall into junk-eating ways in the USA, since many people around you eat that way. You need greater willpower to eat well here than in other parts of the world. That doesn't mean that parents teaching their kids to eat right are at fault, quite the opposite. And if you want tips on how to eat right, start with not snacking all the time. Eating happens three times a day at the table, with maybe a mid-afternoon snack for kids, and in between your body needs to recognize signs of hunger. No need to bring water bottles everywhere either, another American habit that really doesn't make you healthier.

[Anonymous]

First, you only see them 3-4 times a year so this is a small problem. Your kids will likely have friends like this, who they will interact with daily, so you have to feel comfortable setting reasonable limits for your kids. Loosen up a little during these special occasions but don't be afraid to set limits like only 1/2 box at a time or diluted with water etc. Your kids will not freak out, they understand perfectly well different rules apply in different settings and occasions, and btw they will try to milk it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

My mother is like you. It made me fat.

Same. It took me decades to unlearn the beliefs around food she instilled in me. I developed a binge eating disorder and ate in secret because my food at home was so controlled.

Same...

"Go lean Kashi" mom, you are a complete control freak.

You may see it as a positive, but I guarantee the people around you feel the negative affects of your uncontrollable anxiety.

No, my friends and I are all like Kashi Mom, and our children have grown up to be healthy, reasonable teens. I'm from Europe and don't have this extreme junk food habit that some Americans have, so for us there is no debate. Food is supposed to be healthy, not too fatty, not too salty, not too sugary. It's a no-brainer. I have friends from Europe, Asia and Central America, and we all have the same opinions on food. Only one of my American friends eats like we do us - the rest are overweight and don't eat well.

As for this "control/anxiety issue", please recognize it for what it is: a red herring. It's easy as an independent adult to fall into junk-eating ways in the USA, since many people around you eat that way. You need greater willpower to eat well here than in other parts of the world. That doesn't mean that parents teaching their kids to eat right are at fault, quite the opposite. And if you want tips on how to eat right, start with not snacking all the time. Eating happens three times a day at the table, with maybe a mid-afternoon snack for kids, and in between your body needs to recognize signs of hunger. No need to bring water bottles everywhere either, another American habit that really doesn't make you healthier.

Maybe for you. Doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone. And there is no definitive science on this. For some people it’s better to eat small more frequent meals. For others, three times a day is fine.