Sister in law very different parenting style - adjust or hold the line?

[Anonymous]

I was more controlling about food/sugar when my kids were younger. I was advised to “let go a little” because of the whole controlling kids hide food thing, so between that and getting busier, there’s a lot more processed foods and sugar in the house than before. We are still not a soda family in the house. One of my kids regulates food/treats well and one does not at all. That kid has gained a lot of weight and that is not due to any restrictive behavior—he just really likes sugar and will take it any chance he can. He’s active and healthy but I worry about his self esteem and weight in the future becusse I know how hard it is to lose (having been overweight myself at points).

It’s one of those “damned if you do damned if you don’t” situations where ultimately genetics has a huge sway of how someone turns out, more so than parenting imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Seriously? It's orange juice, not hard liquor.

Sugar can be just as deadly. Some kids can't handle sugar. Some adults can't handle alcohol.

Omg. You need help, Ms. Deadly Sugar Crazy Lady.

Label me if it makes you feel better. Type 2 Diabetes kills and is often preceded by too much sugar and carbs. Habits start young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Seriously? It's orange juice, not hard liquor.

Sugar can be just as deadly. Some kids can't handle sugar. Some adults can't handle alcohol.

Omg. You need help, Ms. Deadly Sugar Crazy Lady.

Label me if it makes you feel better. Type 2 Diabetes kills and is often preceded by too much sugar and carbs. Habits start young.

+1 PP you are clueless if you do not realize that sugar poses a serious health risk for some people. Most people in my family can eat sugar to no end, but there are tww people for whom it is medically restricted. When you have small children, you do not know which side of that line they will be on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have friends of 13 years like this. We vacation with them, spend holidays with them. I explain very directly that The Smith Family has different rules and does thing different, so be prepared to continue to follow our rules. I've said in front of the family " weve talked about this, different families, different rules" I've also asked my friend to please not offer my kids candy. She complies maybe 80% of the time.

Her kids have the worst diet I have seen in my life. However, that doesn't mean my kids need to. Just like her kids don't need to eat vegetables like mine do. It's not too hard to manage. I just clearly set my kids expectations.

Incidentally, we have the same healthier diet in our family...but you sound insufferable. I’m surprised you have friends.

Yes, we have lots of them. Just hosted 25 people for Friendsgiving. We also are torn for NYE with 3 invites for parties. Sometimes our social life is too full and can be exhausting.

No shortage of friends here despite feeding my kids a healthy diet. Sorry to disappoint.

Now you sound insufferable and defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Seriously? It's orange juice, not hard liquor.

Sugar can be just as deadly. Some kids can't handle sugar. Some adults can't handle alcohol.

Omg. You need help, Ms. Deadly Sugar Crazy Lady.

Label me if it makes you feel better. Type 2 Diabetes kills and is often preceded by too much sugar and carbs. Habits start young.

+1 PP you are clueless if you do not realize that sugar poses a serious health risk for some people. Most people in my family can eat sugar to no end, but there are tww people for whom it is medically restricted. When you have small children, you do not know which side of that line they will be on.

Both the CDC and the WHO recommend limiting sugar consumption far below what many people — including many here, apparently — consider to be “no big deal.”

[Anonymous]

Let them eat cake!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have friends of 13 years like this. We vacation with them, spend holidays with them. I explain very directly that The Smith Family has different rules and does thing different, so be prepared to continue to follow our rules. I've said in front of the family " weve talked about this, different families, different rules" I've also asked my friend to please not offer my kids candy. She complies maybe 80% of the time.

Her kids have the worst diet I have seen in my life. However, that doesn't mean my kids need to. Just like her kids don't need to eat vegetables like mine do. It's not too hard to manage. I just clearly set my kids expectations.

Incidentally, we have the same healthier diet in our family...but you sound insufferable. I’m surprised you have friends.

Yes, we have lots of them. Just hosted 25 people for Friendsgiving. We also are torn for NYE with 3 invites for parties. Sometimes our social life is too full and can be exhausting.

No shortage of friends here despite feeding my kids a healthy diet. Sorry to disappoint.

Now you sound insufferable and defensive.

She defends by being insufferable. Lol. The issue isn’t your kids’ healthy diet dummy, it’s your holier than thou attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have friends of 13 years like this. We vacation with them, spend holidays with them. I explain very directly that The Smith Family has different rules and does thing different, so be prepared to continue to follow our rules. I've said in front of the family " weve talked about this, different families, different rules" I've also asked my friend to please not offer my kids candy. She complies maybe 80% of the time.

Her kids have the worst diet I have seen in my life. However, that doesn't mean my kids need to. Just like her kids don't need to eat vegetables like mine do. It's not too hard to manage. I just clearly set my kids expectations.

Incidentally, we have the same healthier diet in our family...but you sound insufferable. I’m surprised you have friends.

Yes, we have lots of them. Just hosted 25 people for Friendsgiving. We also are torn for NYE with 3 invites for parties. Sometimes our social life is too full and can be exhausting.

No shortage of friends here despite feeding my kids a healthy diet. Sorry to disappoint.

Cool story, Karen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was more controlling about food/sugar when my kids were younger. I was advised to “let go a little” because of the whole controlling kids hide food thing, so between that and getting busier, there’s a lot more processed foods and sugar in the house than before. We are still not a soda family in the house. One of my kids regulates food/treats well and one does not at all. That kid has gained a lot of weight and that is not due to any restrictive behavior—he just really likes sugar and will take it any chance he can. He’s active and healthy but I worry about his self esteem and weight in the future becusse I know how hard it is to lose (having been overweight myself at points).

It’s one of those “damned if you do damned if you don’t” situations where ultimately genetics has a huge sway of how someone turns out, more so than parenting imo.

Genetics do play a key role, which I think a lot of people underestimate, but I do think parents can do a lot to guide their kids. Even if it seems fruitless and that they are not listening, they are, it's sinking in. Try not to nag him or make it about the weight, rather teach him how food works in his body. Don't give up, eating well is a habit that will benefit him throughout life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:European here! Lots of sanctimony from some other European pp here. I drank tart cherry juice grandma made, you can bet there was sugar in the syrup! Sure, I didn't drink it all day, every day. Plenty of Americans are super skinny, and they don't go around telling people that US is most into fitness of all the countries... which is probably is!

Another one here. There is a whole meal throughout Europe dedicated to eating cake (tea, merenda, gouter etc)! Kids growing brains need carbs. I had my share growing up, as do my kids. The difference is portion control/balance.

[Anonymous]

My children are 3 and 6 and they 100% understand that different families have different rules and they always ask me if they can do something that we don't typically do at our house. Most of the time I say yes, but I certainly wouldn't let them drink juice all day. They would be thrilled if I let them have it once though.

Be an adult, enforce your rules for your children. Leave your sister's kids alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My children's food is one of the things I do not compromise my standards on, especially given that my standards aren't incredibly strict. Juice or soda for parties only, and I am careful about dessert items because of my son's lethal nut allergies. We avoid artificial coloring and preservatives and cook from scratch whenever possible. Certain much-sprayed fruits and veggies are on the organic list, the kids drink organic milk, etc.

Hold the line, OP. Your children will be healthier.

Can you please explain to me why you think organic milk is better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My children's food is one of the things I do not compromise my standards on, especially given that my standards aren't incredibly strict. Juice or soda for parties only, and I am careful about dessert items because of my son's lethal nut allergies. We avoid artificial coloring and preservatives and cook from scratch whenever possible. Certain much-sprayed fruits and veggies are on the organic list, the kids drink organic milk, etc.

Hold the line, OP. Your children will be healthier.

Can you please explain to me why you think organic milk is better?

I bet she can’t. You know why? Cuz it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently hosted a party for friends and kids. One of the moms is super controlling about food. Won’t let her kids have bread/pasta/rice/etc at home. She’s gotten phone calls from the school about her kids’ lunches not being satisfying enough to the point where her kids are asking other kids for their food. Anyway, at the party her kids were literally stuffing bread into their pockets. They kept sneaking food-particularly bread type products- from the kitchen and running into my kids’ rooms to eat it. Meanwhile the other kids whose parents are more relaxed about food were playing so much they hardly ate at all.

There's a lot of research backing this up- that making foods "bad" ultimately sets kids up to have little control over consumption, and when they get older, triggers the whole starve-binge-guilt cycle and eating disorders. That's why they currently recommend serving dessert with dinner rather than after dinner- it shows that dessert is just like any other food, not something special to be hidden and consumed in secret.

For me personally, once I stopped stressing over food and let DD have juice (and-gasp-soda) whenever she wanted, she stopped drinking as much. Just last night she wanted a juice from the grocery store, drank maybe 1/4 of it, and decided she didn't want the rest.